My mum and my daughters passport

[OnlyMakingMeStronger]

Hi,

A while back I had issues with my husband and we very recently split. Go back about 2.5/3 months when we were seperated temporarily I did not trust him not to pick up our DD and take her wherever he wants (he is not from England and all his family are abroad so It was a possibility) so I gave my mum her passport to look after for me and never thought anymore of it.

I need the passport back. For several reasons, it's her only form of ID but also I'm going to France for the day next month.
I have asked my mum several times and although she says yes ill bring it she says it in a way that sounds annoyed and ten never does bring it. She has said she is not comfortable bringing it back incase my ExH takes it when e visits DD. I have explained that that is my call to make, not hers. She won't tell me where she has hidden it in her house so I can't even just go and get it. This trip to France has cost £120 so far and will be wasted if she refuses to give me back the passport. She told me I gave it to her for safe keeping and that she is keeping it safe and can't understand why I would want to put my DD in danger by having it back.

I think this is crazy of her. She does thrive on drama and gets immense pleasure out of being involved in others life's. She continually refers to everyone and everything MY life as 'we' and plants herself firmly into everything I do and then if I don't include her she gets very upset.
So in hindsight giving her the passport was a stupid thing to do but it's done and I simply want it back.
What the hell am I supposed to do now? I have explained, I have demanded, I have shouted about it but she refuses to bring it, just 'forgets' everytime she comes over.
I'm just getting pissed off tbh. I have keys to her house and am at the point of going and ransacking the place till I find it.

Sorry for rant. I just don't understand why some people feel such a joy in trying to control everyone else and get the hump huge time if the other person doesn't fall into line!

She no longer has the passport, does she ?

If she enjoys a drama, you could always threaten to call the Police and tell them she's stolen it unless she gives it back by x date... That's quite dramatic though.

Can you go to her house when she's in and just keep demanding it until she hands it over?

And next time, you now not to trust her with important documents

And next time, you know not to trust her with important documents

Just go round and refuse to move until.she gives it you or tells you where it is if Anyfucker is right

Well my first thought was she's lost it and rather than apologising and paying for a new one she's being an idiot.
However if I were you I would take back control, never mention to her about it again and take the hit on declaring it lost and paying for a new one.

She will eventually bring it up and you can smile and say oh it was ok I just ordered a new one. If she comments that it must have been expensive then shrug and say it was worth it and move the conversation on.

If she thrives on the drama, stop feeding her and stop engaging her on it. She doesn't get a say so go around her.

Tell her you will be forced to report it stolen or at least lost (which I suspect it might be) and will expect her to pay for a replacement. This is bonkers.

Or as a pp said go to her house and don't leave without it!

I would imagine she's lost it and doesn't want to admit it. Tell her you will inform the authorities if she does not return it as it's an offence to keep a passport against the owners wishes. Perhaps put your 'request' in writing so she has no excuse.

My guess would be that she's either lost it or no longer has it too.

you need to advise it's been lost and apply for a new one ASAP. tell her you won't trust her with such things in the future.

She is SO bang out of order - it's amazing what people justify to themselves isn't it?

Can you not go round there, and ask her to get it out while you're there?

Report it as lost and get a replacement. If you have limited time then give them the date of travel, they might want a copy of the tickets, or go to a passport office with the tickets if you can.

After your holiday find somewhere else to safely keep the passport. Do you have a bank account? You could ask about a see deposit box.

Hope you and DD have a lovely holiday.

It never even occurred to me she might have lost it.
I realise it was idiotic of me to trust her but my life was crashing down around my ears and I felt I had no where else to turn.

Good idea on declaring it lost. It's a child's so it's not another £50 or something. Thanks for idea, I'll get on that right away.

I was gonna go round and just rummage through her house til I find it but that would just add to the drama wouldn't it.

So annoyed as I only seemed to really notice her behaviour when I started having issues with my ExH... It seemed to coincide that when my marriage started failing my mum became a huge drama queen instead of being supportive!

X posts. Sorry.

Yes, just take her out of the equation, report it lost and get a new one. Don't even tell her you're doing it, just carry on.

Sorry she's decided to be so terrible and unhelpful.

I like the idea of telling her you'll report her to the police for theft if she doesn't return it by x date. It may be a child's passport but you'll still have to pay a certain cost to get a replacement.

Meh. Why do more drama? Sounds like OP's mum would lo-o-ove that to be honest. She'd dine out on the story for years: "My own daugher [sob sob snuffle] the police [sniff] sharper than the serpent's tooth!"

Just report it lost and get a new one.

It will cost £46 for a replacement. I'd just turn up and refuse to leave until she produces it.