so now he wants to move to London with the OW

[avocadogreen]

I discovred 2 months ago H was having an affair. He left, declared he had been unhappy in the relationship for years, and moved into a friend's spare room. At the time we had only moved to this area 6 months previously, I gave up my job and left my good friends to come here, all for his fucking job. We have 2 young children.

It has been horrendous but we were starting to get to a point where access to the kids is regular, we can be amicable with each other etc.

He has just dropped the bombshell he is planning to move to London with OW. Bearing in mind we live a good 3 hour train ride/4 hour car journey from London. He claims it's about money, I have said I don't need his money I need him here, to be a father to the children, to be a co-parent with me. I have good friends here now and the kids are settled but we have no family support nearby. If he goes I will be left alone with the kids with no help and no break. He claims he will come every other weekend and stay in a hotel to see the kids. I think that's bullshit.

I am just so angry and distraught for the DCs, who are 7 and 3. He was a good father, I would have even offered him joint custody if he had wanted it. They are devastated enough as it is. How can he do this to them? And what can I do to stop him?

the thing is, avocado, if he is like that he may well have been the same if he lived close by - my exh lives a 10 minute drive away and has never seen my dcs for a full weekend since we split 7 years ago. He has remarried and has two more dcs.

He does take our dcs on holiday and is more than happy for me to drive them over for a couple of hours every weekend. I have bent over backwards to facilitate the relationship with our dcs him and his new dcs.

The thing is now they are older they tend to vote with their feet anyway.

Either way its not good but I would rather be with them full time than what he has got. Right from the minute we split he felt free to move on and start a new life whereas its true to say that I have not (well I have moved on from him but have deliberately not gone on to live with anyone else).

The funny thing was I with someone the other week when he rang me demanding that I come back home as there was an emergency with ds2 (which he could have helped out with as he was just 15 minutes away and I was an hour away) and they couldn't believe how he spoke to me. I felt vindicated really as he was careful to keep his true colours under wraps from anyone but me and the dcs.

Advocado ditto what everyone else has said but also try and be a bit pragmatic about the move (which I think you are already!)

My ex moved an hour and a half away to live with his GF. Before he moved he was full of how wonderful it would be for our son etc. Two weeks before he even moved he instructed a solicitor, tried to drop our agreed maintenance (due to travel expenses!!! WTF??) and when that didn't work out as well as he expected he is now trying to get me to do some (if not most) of the travelling.

Some men promise the world and the reality is very different. Don't agreed to anything without thinking how it will effect you and your kids first.

Hmmm. Well it doesn't sound like there is much to keep you in the area now does there? Could you also move to be closer to family or your former support network? He can hardly complain since he was the first to make a move three-four hours away.

I think you should stay where you are avocado and as others have said you will find a way to have a life although it will take a while you will meet like minded people and others in a similar situation to you.

My ex chose to live abroad with OW (a good 10 hour flight away) and a year onwards my life is starting to pick up hugely. Like you we had just moved to a new area although my DC are older, 13 and 10, I decided to get a puppy as I'm a sucker for punishment.

However yesterday as I sat in the sunshine and watched my 2 DS chasing the dog around the garden and laughing hysterically I had a moments pity for the fool with all the money and nothing thats of any value.

You will realise in time that you got the best deal even if it doesn't always feel like it right now.

Stbxh doesn't bother seeing our 3 DC at all unless I run after him for a visit. So I stopped running. And now he doesn't visit. He prioritises himself over them. His social life is the most important thing to him, and he said much the same in regards to 'I deserve a new life'..forget the lives he helped bring into this world.

He's the one missing out on important 'firsts' (our DC are very small) and would rather make memories with random 'new friends' than these wonderful little people here. More fool him. And a part of me pities him. It's not always easy being on my own with 3 babies but wouldn't swap my life for his for all the money in the world. I