can't cope

[sb11adz]

On Wednesday, my DP of 6 years ended our relationship by telephone. He is in the RAF and I would not be seeing him until next weekend but am I mad for thinking this is not how you treat other humans??

I have not been given a reason for this breakup, which has left me hysterical and unable to cope with day to day life. In short, he has broken me.

To put the icing on the cake, I tried texting him on Thursday night to ask if we could talk face to face at some point, as I feel this is the least I deserve after 6 years of commitment and love, in what I thought was a happy relationship. He did not reply, but a couple of minutes later I receive a phonecall from his MOTHER telling me not to text him at the moment because it was upsetting him too much?? I was speechless. bearing in mind this is a 27 year old man, I can't believe the way I am being treated. I have not heard from him since then.

I'm not sure whether I am posting this just to rant or for advice. I guess I just need to talk to people that aren't my friends or family.

Sb, I had a similar experience with someone in the army but he just stopped contacting me, one day we were planning our future the next I never heard from him again. He didn't answer my calls or return my texts. It was hell on earth and I STILL don't know why he did it or what the fuck went on!!
I am now married (to another solider, they are not all bad I promise) and still I wonder what happened and why he had to treat me like that.

Be kind to yourself, rant away on here or to your friends. a relationship ending the way yours has is brutal. It shows he's a coward. When will men realise that the best way to do it is face to face, being honest and open and kind. When they do it like my ex or yours, they become utter twats and are hated forever!!

It's the total silence afterwards that is the real stinger. I mean, I know I'm not contacting him but a part of you always hopes you might get something, ANYTHING, to explain the pure cowardice and unbearable cruelty.

No one at work knows what is happening but and as much as I would love to rant and rave at them and vent my feelings on tea breaks, I am new so don't feel like I can do any of that.

It sounds selfish and self centered but I feel like I want people to be angry on my behalf. I want people to be shocked when they hear how badly I've been treated just so that I know I am not over reacting.

What a total shithead. Six years and he dumps you by phone? And then gets his ma to ring you when you text him asking to meet up?

I know you won't think it now but it sounds to me like you are well rid of this spineless mummy's boy.

I think going NC is the best way. See if he makes any attempt to contact you again. Be careful though that he's not a game player. I went out with a bloke like this - the dumping out of the blue for no reason of which I was aware - I'd be a wreck begging and pleading (which thankfully you aren't doing). Last time he did it I just thought 'fuck off then' and never contacted him again. Funny enough ... a few weeks later he started texting me but I just ignored him.

Stay strong - I know it's awful now but it will pass.

I am shocked and angry for you sb, I really am. You deserve answers and I hope you get them, but prepare for never knowing why he did what he did.

Definitely keep up the no contact. Be strong

everyone. You are all lovely.

I agree with the above poster.... You are well rid. What a knobber.

I talked to him today. He maintains this breakup is 100% final. I can't change his mind. Making a mug of myself by begging for another chance. I feel pathetic. Seeing him Friday to give his stuff back. going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Prepare yourself for the OW. It's almost certainly what is going on. She might not come out of the woodwork for a few weeks but prepare yourself anyway.

Oh op that is awful, poor you!

He sounds like a cowardly cunt and you definitely definitely definitely deserve so much more from a partner! Sounds like you have dodged a bullet!

You are only 22 and have sooooo much time to have fun and be single and figure out what you want out of life and from a partner. Start focusing on you and what makes you happy and feel fulfilled- he will soon not matter as much.

Also, someone once told me that breaking up is kind of like losing someone- apparently we go through the same stages of grief at the end of a relationship as we do when someone dies- sometimes these stages are actually prolonged because there is still the torturous hope which you cling on to! Maybe have a google about stages of grief after a relationship ends... Helped me!

I'm pretty sure there is no one else, no matter how stupid I may seem to you for thinking that. He has been saying vehemently that he does not want to meet someone else and wants to go away with the RAF for 2 years to America. I may be wrong, but after 6 years I like to think I know him pretty well.

There are certainly times when I have pushed him away and hurt him so I have to bear some of the responsibility here.

Right now, all i feel is relief. Deep down I know we were bad for each other, not that it hurts any less. I still think he has made the wrong decision but you can't force someone to be with you or love you, and if I did, it has the potential to end so much worse a few weeks/months down the line.

If this has to end, it will be civil. For both our sakes, as the love we had was real. We just didn't work hard enough to hold onto it.

I was certain my OH did not have an OW and thought after 4 yrs (and at the age of 39) I thought I knew him better.

Four weeks later she Facebooked me.

It's not always right to speculate though. Time will tell. If I am wrong I will hold my hands up but right now I am still stinging from the dumping.

Sorry OP but I'd guess OW, men don't just up and leave without something else to go to.

I was adamant that my husband wasn't cheating, I knew him too well, had the password to his phone etc. He was off shagging an 18 year old.

What he's done to you is thoroughly shit. He is a total fucking shit. You are worth so much more than him.

Been there with a cowardly arse who dumped me and then got his mum to do his dirty work for him. Many years on I'm glad I dodged that bullet. You will be too.