So angry at my OH! Rant needed.

[Emj86]

Hi ladies,

I Just found out im pregnant with baby number 2, lo will be 2.5 when the new baby arrives, it wasn't a planned pregnancy however we are happy although im scared how i will cope with two so young.

Anyway me and OH have had our issues lately mainly due to his selfishness, this week however i really have felt hate toward him!

I have been ill all week with tonsilitis, my blood pressure is really low so i keep going dizzy and have even passed out at work, OH has not once asked how i am or offered to help with the house or lo so i can rest, i have done everything as usual.

This morning he had a lie in until 9am whilst i was up with lo at 5am, he even shouted at me because lo was being too noisy at 8.45 whilst he was trying to sleep!

I finally put lo down for a nap when OH fell out of his pit and made so much noise lo was awake again, he then told me he was going to see his mother and went! He has just walked in and being quite upset i have told him how fed up and tired i am especially now that im pregnant and still not over being un well and his response? To stop feeling sorry for myself and i won't get no sympathy from him! He has even made me feel guilty asking him to watch lo whilst i shower.

Im so fed up and i really don't know how i can carry on like this and have another child :(

Am i over reacting or is he being a pr**k?!

He's being a prick.

What do you want to happen?

Oh, he's definitely being a total prick.

Ill. Small child. Working. Pregnant. No "help" with the house.

I think he needs to be told that you're expecting him to pull his bloody weight. Or else.

Totally horrible.

You're not well. You should have had a lie in this morning. Not him. And he should have stayed home to help out or taken the toddler with him. He's being an arse.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. Something keeps you within this, what needs of yours are being met here by this selfish manchild you have wound up with. People get the sort of relationship they are willing to put up with, your bottom line here is way too low.

Is this really the sort of relationship model you want to show your children?.

Why are you with this man at all now?.

tell him if he's going to carry on being a dickhead he can go and stay at his mothers for a bit. If you have to do it all yourself then you can do without having a selfish adult around refusing to help you.

sorry you're feeling so rotten.. he sounds as if he's behaving like a child.

It seems like he has always been this selfish and it is the norm in your family that you do everything.

Why are you expecting him to suddenly change just because you are ill and pregnant?

Surely you know he wont change? Why have you tolerated it so far?

Yes he's an asshole. I'm so sorry.
What to do?

I am pregnant with number 2, dd is 3yo and I am on bed rest because of low blood pressure. My dh is doing everything he possibly can to make things my life easier and look after us all - ie the complete opposite of your OH in a very similar situation.
If he is behaving like this now, I can't see him behaving better when you are juggling just having given birth, a newborn and a toddler.
I'd be having a serious conversation with him. He is being a total arsehole.

Thank you for the replies, i ask myself why i put up him all the time and i honestly don't know why, we have been together for 10 years, engaged for 2 and just bought a house last year, we split up for a few months 6 years in to the relationship and he did everything he could to win me back and convince me he had changed.

And he had for a good year which is when we planned lo, after lo arrived it has all reverted back again!

I have just gone to put some washing in abd he has the cheek to ask what's wrong, i told me and all i got was 'go away, leave me alone'.

Im not an attention seeker and im rarely ill, it just would have been nice for him to at least try to help this week, he snaps at lo all the time and has no patience with him so i take over so that he isn't stressed and so lo doesn't get upset!

I have become a door mat.

I have become a door mat.

Yes you have, now put your foot down

Tell him what is wrong.

Saying "go away leave me alone" is only giving him the message that you will sulk for a while, then continue accepting his treatment of you, as that is what you have done so far.

I would ask him to leave. Tell him you have thought about it, and have realized you will be better off and have much less domestic work to do without him in the house, because he is a selfish waste of space who have reverted back to old habits, and you wont stand for that anymore.

He thought tying you up with a baby or two and a house would ensure you would stay and put up with it.

Tell him to Shape up or ship out. And mean it. The second he reverts back to whiney manchild kick his arse out the door.

I've been there. It was hard at first. But everything was easier immediately and I was happier than I had been for years in no time at all. I just kick myself for not doing it sooner.

Oh dear lord. He's a prick (in case you need this reinforcing).

I've been where you are (right down to the being shouted at at 11am for not keeping the kids quiet while he had a lie in, while I'd been up since 5:50am), realized he had not lived up to expectations (well, very far from it) and decided no more children, then realized days later I was pregnant. I had dd2, got depressed, stuck it out, went back to work, stuck it out, retrained and stuck it out over a ridiculously long time (ten years). I'm single now it's easier than living like you are living now.

I would actually tell him to leave if he can't step up as a father and a husband. Don't give him an inventory of what to do : he can either work it out or feck the hell off. Please don't leave it as long as I did.

Do you have supportive family and friends to lean on?

Does he want a wife or a slave? Is he a father or not? Why couldn't he take his child to his mothers while you put your feet up.

He sounds unpleasant and very selfish. I would honestly rather be on my own.

Btw he only behaves this way because you let him. You could try going out to your mums and have a rest while your there, then he can stay with the lo.

I suspect he's reverted because he knows how trapped you are. One little one and another on the way, faced with single parenthood of two under three, he has got you to a place where he thinks he can afford to take the piss on a grand scale.

Oh and he's also a shit dad, so you haven't even got the usual excuse offered for trying to hold on to the marriage.

Do yourself and your ds a favour. Get shot of him.

Agree with tribpot he brings nothing to the table, apart from £££ which can easily be supplied in the form of child maintenance payments.

op I have been in your situation and left last week. its hard, but not as hard as I thought.

do you have friends or family to give you emotional support?

Yoy may well have stayed together out of habit or out of some forlorn hope that he would change.

Like the other respondents have stated, you are now seeing his true nature i.e selfish manchild. This is the real him. He is thinking that you now having two children at home will keep you both trapped and dependent on him thus allowing him to take the piss on a grand scale. You will manage on your own; he may well have conditioned you to think that you cannot do so.

You'd be better off apart now; quite apart from anything else this is not the relationship model you want to be modelling to your children. He snapping at your son and having no patience with him either is itself a good enough reason to tell him to go.

No Quint, HE told HER to go away and leave him alone.

He is the one sulking.

Cos he is a prick.

Ditch him, hes an arse.

Your effectively a single parent now, once hes gone, its one less thing to worry about.

Going it alone is often alot worse in our minds than it is in reality.

Please tell RL friends and family how upset you are. The risk is that when you tell them your story it seems really petty. Perhaps don't go into too much detail, just say your relationship is on the line and that you are having a crisis and that you need them on standby. If you have a good relationship with your midwife please talk to her too and tell her what's going on. Please don't put this off, it ain't gonna change (I'm sorry) because he is showing you who he is ie an arse.

Prick......totally.

Nasty nasty man. I still feel resentment to my partner for not helping out enough wen I was ill with our second child and exhausted. Do u think he is worse because you are pregnant and unlikely to leave him? It bugs me that this might be the case with my partner and although I'd love another baby I just couldn't risk him behaving like that again and me not being able to walk out easily iyswim

OP - I too had tonsillitis this week. I was flattened by it actually.
My dh could not have been lovlier or more helpful. He knew I was ill, and took over doing everything...everything!

Your partner is a hard hearted bag of shit.