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Original poster

So messed up with this new 'dating' lark

18 replies

EverythingHappens4aReason · 18/05/2014 00:17

Sorry to sound like a teenager but Ive broken rule No.1 and fell for a bloke I hardly know.
Ive met him a few times, coffee dates drunken afternoons and we have both agreed although we like each other we're taking it slow. He tells me he likes me and can see a future together, but has cancelled today for 'work'. I got a bit suspicious tonight and made a false id on the site I met him on and he started chatting. I asked him what he'd done today.....bit of shopping, gardening sitting in the sun, but he's cancelled me for work :( stupid question I know but do I wait for an answer or let him go? I am genuinely gutted here

OP posts:
ForeskinHyena · 18/05/2014 00:21

You know the answer, he's a liar and a player.

Next!

abbykins3 · 18/05/2014 00:30

Move on!

vettles · 18/05/2014 00:34

Doesn't sound that bad.

You've only met a few times, "work" could be a generic euphemism for some other reason he'd rather not mention yet.

Or perhaps he just didn't fancy a date today so gave an excuse that (theoretically) wouldn't hurt your feelings.

Perhaps he ate a dodgy curry and has been on the toilet all day so had to cancel but didn't want to reveal this to a potential suitor (suitress?).

Perhaps he really did have to work but wanted to seem laid back and relaxed to this new person.

The point is you don't know why he cancelled and none of us can tell you. If you like him, at least wait for an answer, but I suspect if you tell him how you found out he was "lying" he'll be the one letting you go, because you are waving the world's biggest red flag.

MadameDefarge · 18/05/2014 00:37

nah. Dump and move on.

He has another profile. Big Red Flag. On his part, vettles.

He has just changed his mind.

His perogative. Bad manners not to tell you to your face/directly online.

but that's fine. You dodged a twat there.

vettles · 18/05/2014 00:46

The OP has the other profile, Madame! She made a fake one to 'catch him'.

MadameDefarge · 18/05/2014 00:50

Oops! my bad! well, even worse then, cheeky fucker. Bin him.

Botanicbaby · 18/05/2014 00:51

"although we like each other we're taking it slow. He tells me he likes me and can see a future together,"

sorry OP but the bit where you said we are both taking it slow doesn't seem consistent with the seeing a future together bit. I think if its early days and you don't really know each other well then that's usually the time when you can't wait to get together to find out more about each other. Also why would he even say that he can see a future together so soon? Is he saying what you wanted to hear? I'd let this one go for sure.

KidsDontThinkImCool · 18/05/2014 00:52

I'd forget him and move on. It's hard to do when you really like someone but I think he's bad news. I agree that after only a few dates he doesn't owe you much, but lying is just a huge, massive NO.

Maisie0 · 18/05/2014 01:15

I would say move on. Learn the lesson. But move on.
And the other thing is, I detect a bit of a shameful tone to your post. It isn't a teenager that does this and an adult won't. But one thing is for sure though, did you feel that making a fake profile is good ? If you do feel guilty, why not just end the whole episode and end it there and then. OR, if you are adult about it, tell him what happened and see if he will still want to date you.

The truth can sometimes give you very odd results...

MadBusLady · 18/05/2014 07:16

Do people really see this as unforgivable lying? That's the kind of white lie I'd tell someone if I didn't fancy a particular social gathering.

You sound very intense about this. If you are "taking it slow" he doesn't need to tell you all his business. Maybe he just fancied a day unwinding on his own and felt he couldn't say that, maybe his work plans got cancelled.

MadBusLady · 18/05/2014 07:20

Also is making fake profiles a norm on dating sites while?? Because if I found out you'd done that to check up on my activities I'd run a mile.

MadBusLady · 18/05/2014 07:21

*Not sure where that stray while came from

cantbelievethisishppening · 18/05/2014 07:26

Dating a few weeks? Making a fake profile to try and catch him out? Chatting to him and deliberately asking him about his day? This does not bode well. If you are behaving in this manner with someone you hardly know then there is no future in this liaison. You sound a bit OTT to be frank. Is this what you plan to do with all your dates to make sure they are not lying to you?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 18/05/2014 07:28

I agree with MadBusLady. Don't tell someone you're 'taking it slow' and then go setting them up because they're taking it slow. Hmm If you want a wham bam, full-on, in-each-others-pockets relationship be honest with yourself as well as others. Don't say one thing and do another.

WildBill · 18/05/2014 07:58

Excellent reply from vettles

MadBusLady · 18/05/2014 08:22

By the way when you say "wait for an answer" do you mean you've actually told him?

brokenhearted55a · 18/05/2014 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IsItMe789 · 18/05/2014 18:29

I have a very similar story to you op and I have made an assumption as well (in my head it makes perfect sense unfortunately) but not I've probably ruined things now. I hate all the insecurity of a new relationship especially if you have met on line.

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