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Relationships

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Original poster

condoms and new partner

21 replies

heyho1919 · 17/05/2014 23:02

I'm sure ths must have been discussed many times! Anyway how long would you wait before not using condoms wih a new partner? Would you go for a test first - It seems to be the ideal in theory but i hardly know anyone who has!

OP posts:

kalidanger · 17/05/2014 23:05

I did with a previous partner. We went together for full tests. It was fun! Honeymoon period etc. all clear so I went on the pill. Then I got pregnant somehow and had a termination.

So, uh. Make if that what you will.

marriednotdead · 17/05/2014 23:14

Started out with condoms. Had a discussion within a couple of weeks as we realised we wanted to stay together- both get tested and then ditch condoms. Did precisely that. Perfect in theory and if I had my time over I'd have done the same thing.

But...
Diagnosed with ongoing and recurrent viral sti 15 months later, it was probably lying dormant from previous less cautious relationships. 100% sure both faithful.
Got over the shock and eventually married, never went back to condoms but obviously avoid intimacy during flare ups. He has never had symptoms/caught it from me and Dr reckons he must be immune after so many years.

In summary. We tried!

itsbetterthanabox · 17/05/2014 23:17

I wouldn't stop using condoms. Unless I was trying for a baby.

homesforsale · 17/05/2014 23:22

I always use condoms + implant in a newish relationship, or even a long-term but not committed/monogamous relationship (fuckbuddy type scenario). I don't really like condoms but it's obviously better than the consequences of an STD. If I've agreed to be exclusive with a man (usually takes at least six months) I'm happy to stop using condoms but only after both getting tested. No point otherwise as lots of STDs don't have visible symptoms. Am in a LTR right now (monogamous) but still get tested once a year as some STDs can be dormant.

kalidanger · 17/05/2014 23:37

I like going for std tests :) It's good to take control of your sexual health. It's grown up and sensible and a positive thing, in a manner if speaking :o

gamerchick · 17/05/2014 23:39

Why wouldn't you go for tests before ditching condoms? Do you just 'know'?

Both of you go along to the clinic.. get a full screen and when they're clear then sort out birth control. It's easy, quick and gives peace of mind.

Don't just give up because you're comfy now.. you don't know the score and neither does your bloke.

IWillIfHeWill · 18/05/2014 01:35

I wouldn't consider having unprotected sex. Why put your health at risk?

LettertoHerms · 18/05/2014 02:21

After about a month with DP, we were tested, I went on the pill, and we stopped using condoms. I trusted him completely to not put my health at risk. We had also discussed what the result of an unplanned pregnancy would be (In my case, I could not personally choose a termination and needed to know he would accept that).

Verity87 · 18/05/2014 03:02

I would go for a test first - I caught chlamydia from a new partner. Some people can have it for years and never know and as you probably know it can destroy your chances of having children.

heyday · 18/05/2014 07:28

So many sexual diseases out there and of course the dreaded HIV. Best to get yourselves checked out . Perhaps other people you know haven't done this but hey it's you that will have to suffer from any sexual diseases you may catch,not them. It's your health,value it dearly, so take responsibility for it. Some sti's can be treated quite easily whilst others will last a lifetime and have huge repercussions. Many sti's are almost silent and do not show any symptoms but it doesn't mean that they are not still present. Get yourselves tested, get some contraception then get on with your relationship nothing that you have peace of mind.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 18/05/2014 07:37

What's the point of using condoms for an arbitrary time if you don't get tested before you stop using them? You might as well not bother!

chaseface · 18/05/2014 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Worriedkat · 18/05/2014 11:11

I've never been tested, I'm from an era where having an HIV test damaged your chances of getting approved for a mortgage old dinosaur

Do they do all the tests as part of antenatal as I've always opted in to them?

itsbetterthanabox · 18/05/2014 12:55

Why is this such a common thing? It seems odd like contraception is the man's responsibility for a few weeks then it becomes the woman's job forevermore to take a hormone with side effects and put herself at risk of an STI just so he doesn't have to put on a condom anymore

homesforsale · 18/05/2014 13:05

Are you saying that couples should continue using condoms just so the man can take responsibility for contraception? The reason I don't like using them is because of the lack of spontaneity and the taste of rubber, and I can't be bothered to keep collecting them (can get them free from FPC but you only get a few in the pack). I would never rely on condoms alone anyway, as they have a failure rate of about 15% (for typical use). Don't have any side effects from the implant, except having much lighter/shorter periods, which I'm very happy with

Lweji · 18/05/2014 13:51

It should be about 6 months until any new HIV infection shows up, so, I'd wait 6 months from the start of the relationship and then test.
But it depends how much you trust the new partner and the last time he had sex before you started.

LettertoHerms · 18/05/2014 20:16

Chaseface

It was definitely in early days, I can't remember now if it was before the very first time we'd slept together, but definitely before we were having regular sex. No, condoms aren't foolproof, at least in the case of obvious breakage there's still the morning after pill to prevent pregnancy.

Actually I think the pill has a higher perfect use rate than condoms at preventing pregnancy, I just wanted to add that bit in because it's a good discussion to have!

Lweji · 18/05/2014 21:53

That also means condoms have a high failure rate in protecting against STD.

LettertoHerms · 18/05/2014 22:03

Um, no, Lweji, they do not. They have an extremely high rate of protection.

The only thing I meant by my statement is that the pill has about a 99% rate of preventing pregnancy, while condoms are something like 97%. Both very high, the pill is just slightly higher when used properly.

But the pill without condoms is 0% effective at preventing STDs.

itsbetterthanabox · 19/05/2014 18:35

A lot of women do have side effects but are expected to put up with them because men refuse condoms.

Eekaman · 20/05/2014 02:17

betterthan said - ''why is....man's responsibility for a few weeks then it becomes the woman's job forevermore to take a hormone with side effects and put herself at risk of an STI''

Gosh, thats a hard one to answer why.... Because the male pill hasn't been invented yet? Because couples in committed long term relationships don't need or want a physical barrier between them at the most intimate of moments? Because unless one of them strays and doesn't use condoms, the risk of catching an STI is tinier than Tiny McTiny on a very small day?

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