I think ex-p is gearing up for trouble

[Itisnotparanoiaif]

Believe me, I am aware that this sounds like the plot of a bad novel, and I'm a bit hesitant to post in case I just get called a troll, (have namechanged) but anyway...

I split with my ex-p about 4 months ago. Reasons unimportant but it was my decision and our DC (both under 7) stayed with me. He sees them regularly but has not had them overnight since we split (has not asked to have them).

After a few early blips (threats and him showing up at the house uninvited) he has been pretty reasonable. The usual passive-aggressive small things, but nothing major.

We are not in the UK, we live on a small island. He is American and the DC have US citizenship through him. I am British and they also have UK passports. He has asked to take them to the US to see his mother this summer, and so far I have stalled him. My lawyer advises me not to let him take them, but the fact is, I cannot stop him. As the DC are American, the US will let them in without travel docs. Or he could easily apply for new US passports for them, saying the old ones have been lost/destroyed. Once they are in the US I will not get them out if he does not want them to leave. But if I refuse him 'permission' I think he is more likely to take them. He has been back and forth from the US on about 3-4 very short-notice mystery trips since we split, which is unlike him. I worry that he's setting things up to disappear with the the DC, but I don't know how I can stop him.

I suspect he has surveillance/tracking of some kind on the house and storage, or maybe in my car. e.g., my friend and I popped to storage this morning to pick up a few things and he randomly turned up 5 minutes after we got there - did not stop or collect anything, just said he stopped to 'say hi'. Storage place is in the middle of nowhere, not somewhere you'd ever just 'pass'. I wish I could find any watching/listening things but I don't know how. There are no investigator type people on the island I live on. He is ex Special Forces so very good at tactical planning and surveillance type things. Still has lots of military contacts.

I know I sound paranoid, but I am worried. Don't know how to safeguard the DC and/or to find out how he knows things he shouldn't know (where I am, things I have said etc). Please hold my hand, all my instinct is screaming that he's got something unpleasant up his sleeve.

Hello, I'm not a lawyer and have no law background, but I'm thinking could you bring DCs back to the UK? You have their passports.

Why can't you stop him taking them? There would be no way I would be letting someone take my kids overseas if I had even one modicum of doubt or worry. Trust your instincts.

Could you move ?

Yes, I may have to move. I have a job and own my house here and all my family are here. Ex-p also has a UK passport, but maybe we would be safer there.

cantbelieve I cannot physically stop him from taking them - he can get easily to the US from where we are. Even without documents (which he could get) the US has to let them in because they are US citizens.

Honestly I would just come over to the UK.

Somehow you would need to buy tickets etc without him being able to find out. He could have key logger on your PC, be monitoring you through Wifi haching at your home, anything really

Seems to me that if you want to keep your kids,, then you need to run now. Book tickets back yo uk tomorrow. Just go.

Yes he works in IT - he remotes into people computers all the time. Fuck, sorry, but that's made me even more squirrelly. I think I need to get off this computer.

This is like a stupid dreadful film.

can you use your phone intead?

Then I think you need to move back to the UK. I just can't imagine how stressful it must be for you. Can your lawyer not organise some sort of injunction that prevents him taking them to the US without your permission?

Hi, I agree with the other posters, get yourself and the kids back to the UK as soon as you can.

I had a friend in a similar situation, her ex refused to let her kids leave the US, she came back to the UK on her own. She then had 12 years of flying out twice a year to collect her DC for contact, flying them home, and flying them back to the States again, he didn't pay a penny towards the cost of that.

You're not being paranoid. Good luck OP.

Also, can you speak to the police about him stalking you? Surely it's a criminal offence to track you without your permission?

So sorry, you must feel under immense pressure with all of this.

contact these people
www.reunite.org/
They will be able to tell you exactly where you stand and how to protect your children. Don't ignore your gut instinct.

But stay calm!

Can you go to the police for help?

Are you in the Caribbean? Is it a British or US protectorate? I don't actually have any further knowledge myself (useful, sorry!) but does that make a difference so the law re contact/residence?

Seconding the advice to turn to Reunite. This is what they do.

BTW.... he could have asked the storage place operators to contact him if anyone tried to access the lock-up.

Restore factory settings on your phone in case there is any spyware on it - don't use wifi if you can access the internet on your phone.
And get legal advice ASAP.
Don't panic yet.