Why do I feel so sad?

[polymath]

A while ago, I began a thread regarding my spouse's suspected infidelity, and to cut a long story short we're back together and everything seems to be going okay, but (at the risk of sounding self pitying) why do I feel so down?

I'm surprised your referring to it as suspected infidelity. You know it was much more than that. You've made the classic mistake of rug sweeping , talks with your wife were unsuccessful because she holds all the power and she knows it.

I suspect you are minimizing when you say you are feeling sad. This sort of thing is devastating .This just isn't going to go away unfortunately. This may help you talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/ consider posting there.

Like all cheaters , we just kissed / cuddled , is code for the obvious.

You maybe feel down because this is something you never thought you'd have to go through? Or as ballerina said you have just swept it under the rug, just because things seem ok on the surface now it doesn't change the fact that this happened. The trust with your partner will now be gone. You can get it back if you work on it I'm sure but for now your heart has taken a battering.

I've forgiven a cheater in the past, the relationship was never the same again, I could never trust him and in the end I became a jealous paranoid wreck. I know that sad feeling you speak of and it is not a good sign. As harsh as this sounds I would leave, and I would tell my past self that if I could. It hurts but a happier life is worth it.

You feel down because you're making compromises that you never thought you'd make and maybe you're wondering if they were worth it. If you're sad it's probably not 'going okay'.