Recoverying from a huge rocky patch

[canttypefortears]

Hi all,

I posted my original thread at the end of january and im unsure how to link.

Quick backstory:

My always loving DH out of the blue and without warning or explanation tells me he no longer loves me on christmas day 2013. He leaves me and our two young DC two weeks later with little financial support ( £50.00 per week child support and refusal to pay household bills and mortgage). He goes off and cuts me out of his life(15 years of what i thought was a happy marriage)and sees very very little of the kids he dotes on. He starts lieing to me and goes abroaf without my knowledge. He acts all out of charactet, he is a stranger. But.... I still love him and i truly mean it. This is not the man i have lived my adult life with.... I felt like giving up and giving in. My H then became ill with a life threatening illness, it was touch and go. He was in hospital for weeks.When he was discharged i asked him to come home. He did but told me there was no 'US'.

This hurt me badly,i cried myself to sleep for weeks. Then one day he started showing affection again. Kissing, cuddling and more.... We have gone from strength to strength and are together again He has a lot of recoverying to do but it seems his illness was the catalyst for all that happened. I think we could come out stronger and it has made us evaluate everything. My question for you netters is how do you get past the constant worry it will all go wrong again? I know we can work it out but how can i relax? When will he tellme he loves me once more?

I remember your story and I remember how heartbroken you were

Are you happy with the situation?

All of this happened in the space of 5 months?
Did you ever find out about the other woman by the way?

Ps I'm sorry to say it but I would lay money on the OW going right off him when he got ill and him realising that you would look after him where she wouldn't, hence the crawling back.

Yes im happy to have My H back. The kids are super gapot. H seems to be genuine. We gave spoken little of the past and i think that because his illness made him cofused. Im not making excuses. Nothing will be normal until he can work again. I just eant to put ir behind me, he wants to. I want him to tell me he loves me....

Is his health getting better?

I do think it's important to talk about what happened, no matter how painful. I don't think you can move forward otherwise.

Please don't forget you are vulnerable right now too. Look after yourself.

....oh and sometimes you don't need to hear 'I love you' as long as you feel loved.

Sorry you have been through this horrible experience. I think until he is fully recovered and strong again, you cant know what will happen. He sounds like he was having a relationship with another woman until he got ill.

Has he admitted to you about his affair OP?

OP - you have been in my thoughts constantly since you last posted. I have been sending you virtual hugs and support everytime I think of you.

You are amazingly strong, not everyone would have let him back into the family home after all of that. How did his Mum feel about him moving back into the marital home?

FFF xxx

She wasnt happy! She went as far as blaming me for his illness! Things are comfortable at home and theres no awkward moments. Im certainly not walking on egg shells, that wouldnt be the way to live.

Im absolutely sure there was no OW. It never added up. His illness was very serious and the link is that it can cause personality and behavioural changes.

Funky,cottonbuds thanks for your kind words and support. Im going to keep plodding on as i have been and we can work it out. I know ive got you Mnetters when i need you.

Hoping i wont be back posting a thread in relationships. I probably will offer advice and support to others in need though!

Stay in touch and let us know how you are.

Take your time, there's no hurry and I hope you both get your happiness back if that's what you truly want.

Oh and sod the MIL - this is your life!

Take care and remember to look after you too x

Hi Can't!

I remember you and have often wondered how things went. It's a shame about others asking about the OW but the fact is there just isn't always another woman like in this instance here! And I'm so pleased for you that he came home but I guess he had some sort of breakdown.

You can't guarantee that it won't happen again but I suppose you could just enjoy the here and now as thinking negatively with tire your mind out.

Good luck! A nice (ish) ending for once on MN

You need some TLC too OP I hope your DH is back on track but after the stress of that whole episode be kind to yourself.

Hi Cant, I remember you....in answer to your question about getting past the worry. I think that the worry is because your H has destroyed your trust and it needs time and effort on his part to rebuild that trust. I guess that you want to hear "I love you" as it would help with the rebuilding of trust.
You have to heal as well not physically like your H but emotionally and that takes time. Are you planning on doing counselling together to work on what has happened to you both, you may found it helps.