Broke up with DP just about a week ago. Several years together, no children. Fairly nasty break-up for those first days, though we've both since apologized and are on (mostly) friendly terms.
I was very much in love with him, but I realized there were some things that I just couldn't live with, some attitudes of his that I found unacceptable, and in the end, decided we were too incompatible.
I was supposed to move in with him in a few weeks. He's renting a new apartment that I was meant to move into, we've been planning projects, buying things we need and decorations. I was looking at jobs in the area (perfect area for me, I was thrilled to be living there). We've talked of ttc later this year when everything is settled.
Now I'm fine in my current situation - I don't need to move, we're both perfectly fine financially with the split, that's not an issue. I just feel this overwhelming sense of loss, and what I can't get straight in my mind is whether I'm missing him and the life we planned together or if it's less personal - the loss of this nice neat life, a steady dp beside me, a home together, a baby.
Despite the things I think I couldn't live with, in so many ways he was perfect for me, did so much for me, understood me, we got on so well most of the time and it felt so right to be starting this life together.
I try to imagine a life with anyone else, meeting someone new, and I can't, the only person I can imagine being with is ex-dp and I hate the thought of someone new, but I know it's such early days, and maybe that will change when it isn't so raw. But will it? I know he wants me back.
I don't know if anyone can help with this, I just don't know how to figure out my own mind. I don't know if I love him or the idea of the life we would have had, what it is I miss so much. I have such a sense of loss. When I hear my phone, I hope it's him, even though I don't want it to be at the same time.
Has anyone been through anything similar? I would appreciate any kind of perspective on this.