Struggling to move on after IVF and dh feels I gave up too easily trying for dc2

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I have fertility issues which mean I couldn't get pg naturally but we managed to conceive dd after a couple of years of trying on our first IVF round. Then I did 1 more fresh cycles and 3 frozen ones (easier but still lots of drugs) plus one other cancelled cycle. This all included two (early at least) miscarriages including a hospital overnight stay, mild OHSS and lots and lots of clinic visits/ meds, rollercoaster stuff etc.

After the above, I couldn't do it any more. I was grateful for my dd. She was getting older and never showed any signs of longing for a sibling. I didn't long for another baby but dh did want one.

I struggled through the treatment cycles and found it hard. Dh was not very supportive - no hugs, no it'll be ok and if I felt negative he said I should be excited to be doing it. I wasn't. It was sh*t. Think he thought I moaned too much.

In the end we had a batch of frozen embryos. At this stage our relationship was not good really. We went to see the consultant in a last ditch discussion attempt and he said that we could try natural (no drugs) cycles but by this stage I just couldn't. Our relationship isn't good enough to have a new baby. Too much water under the bridge. Other problems. Resentment.

But the problem is it seems that now dh still resents me for making this decision not to keep trying. We were arguing recently about something else to do with a decision and he said that I had changed the course of the rest of his life by deciding we couldn't have more children.

I replied that infertility in part decided that and I didn't choose to be infertile.

Is there any way we can get beyond this? Other things aren't great - e.g. not had sex for years.

I do understand where he is coming from but I couldn't keep trying on and on. We had originally said we would do 3 full cycles before we had dd. I feel the above was equivalent to that fwiw.

Counselling is not an option - we tried that a few years ago and dh hated it.

Other people do go through more cycles... But almost certainly not with someone so spectacularly unsupportive.

I'm getting annoyed on your behalf OP. He is whining that you art being negative, yet it is YOU that had to have all these painful and deeply unpleasant procedures.

I have one DC. DH longs for another, but I had life threatening complications all the way through the pregnancy. I am told by my consultant that I could try for another baby but that I would likely spend most of that pregnancy in under observation in hospital. I decided I cannot cope with the stress and though disappointed, DH completely accepts this. Because it is ME that is taking the risk. Me that has medical procedures if (when) it all goes tits up.

Bugger what other people do, it's a hugely, hugely emotional and personal thing and it isn't at all an academic or objective decision. When I quit trying after three disasters, I had a friend who'd gone through pregnancy and late loss five separate times and got up and tried again before she and her husband finally succeeded. I just could not have handled another one, the physical stress or the emotional stress, I found those three in a row too shattering. I knew I'd had enough, and five years later I'm still struggling with the stress of that time, I can't compare myself to other women and say they're more resilient or did better than me, I just know I couldn't have handled it again. I'd have found it very, very hard to cope with pressure or reproach from my partner to try any further, I'm very lucky indeed that I didn't. I also don't know how I would have coped doing it because I felt pressured to, or about a partner and relationship that pushed me about something I felt so awful about.

It's a joint decision, yes, but it's your body. That does make a difference, and only you know what you can and can't handle. so sorry that you're going through this.

Sorry not to have come back sooner. Thank you all for your kind words and advice.
I need to find the right moment to have a discussion with him and see if he can leave this idea behind.