Can my husband really still love me after all I put him though?

[mooncake8]

I am 38 and my husband is 34. We have been together since he was 19 and I was 23. We had a lot of problems trying to have a family I have a problem with my chromosomes which means out of 12 pregnancies I only managed to have one healthy baby, the rest I miscarried. I had my son on my 5th time preganat and felt encouraged by our success so went on trying but after I lost the 12th baby when I was 32 my husband put is foot down and said no more, that the toll was to great on me, my health and our marriage. That was a difficult time for us I was desperate for another baby but my husband was adament and on some level I knew he was right.

I did then start to think of adoption and spoke to my husband about it. At first he said he was more than happy with it just being the three of us. He had also said before we had our son after my 4th miscarriage that he would be ok if we didn't have a family. He could see how much it meant to me and we eventually put both our names down and we now have two girls we adopted.

I feel that my family is complete and I am happy with that but I realise now how much I put my husband though, as the time I just felt my pain and my loss I forgot that he too was in pain each time we lost a baby and that he suffered the stress of going though the adoption process.

He works so hard long hours to provide for us and I can see that he hasn't had the carefree young life most of his friends had in their 20's.

I feel worried that he has scarificed himself to make me happy, becuase although he loves the children he doesn't always seem happy. I put my dreams of a big family before him and put him in an impossible position so many times, its a wonder he still loves me at all.

I so want to show him that I understand now what he went though but I don't know how. Its a can of worms I'm too afraid to open.

errr, sorry. what have you put him through? he sounds absolutely lovely. as do you. what is the problem?

Its just hat I get a sense recently that he is worn out, I somehow didn't understand that it was him to going though all that stuff as well as me. I was selfish, I know he was great thought it all but it was always him supporting me.

I don't think he would leave me but it has affected us.

He sounds very supportive. Say to him what you have posted and how much you appreciate him.

Talk to him, tell him how much you appreciate everything he has done and is doing for you and your family, keep telling him in different ways. He has supported you now is your turn to do it for him, keep encouraging him and thanking him for being him and working with you to grow your family. We all need support and encouragement from our spouses. Don't forget to tell him you should of looked at things from his POV a bit more than you have. The more you talk hopefully he will open up and you can understand him and what he is struggling with at the moment.
Good Luck.

Have you asked him this question, love ?

And if you have, did you really listen ?

Write him a letter, saying everything you appreciate about him ?

I so want to show him that I understand now what he went though but I don't know how. Its a can of worms I'm too afraid to open.
Ok, so he supported you and gave you your dream of a family. Do you know what was his dream, and what did he wanted to do out of so many things ?

As you can see that he is always worn out, why not elevate some of the things which you both have to tackle, and actually focus on nurturing each others' health and spirit for now ?

If there is an anniversary coming up, then really present him with something which you know he will understand. There must have been clues somewhere along the lines. Or to understand from his friends what he had been into, and really see your husband from the outside of the marriage too ?

What you said is what any decent man would do for their wife.
Conceiving was through no fault of your own and by the sounds of thing he understands.

From a male perspective, letters etc are nice but nothing tops a something sexual.
Nothing keeps me smiling for long a long time than an unexpected blow job just for being myself.

typical

Oh OP. There's no can of worms. Trust me, the carefree 20s are overrated. I finished mine malnourished, nearly bankrupt and with PTSD. The carefree 40s and 50s are MUCH better. The DCs bring you breakfast in bed, provide free entertainment and may even do housework.

Talk to him. Find out what he's looking forward to, or what he regrets not trying. You've got time, both of you.

Sorry moon I actually thought you might be a troll. You sound so apologetic and guilty - but it wasn't your fault any more than your partner's. And, after all you were the one going through the pgs and mcs. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. Life is very unfair sometimes.

It's great that you DH supported you well but really you don't need to feel bad about it now imho.

OP, YOU haven't put DH through anything.

You two, as a team, went through a heap of bad shit together - see the difference? It is not a case of you and him, it's a case of you two together.

Try relaxing occasionally and be happy.

You probably have another 50 years of married life to show your appreciation so dwell on the future not the past.

And tell him how much you appreciate him and what a wonderful husband and father he is if you feel that.

And be happy yourself, he will worry if you look sad and worried.