Sister is dirty!!

[scrufhead]

Hi all... just after a bit of advice!
My sister is 20 years old and since being young has always been rather smelly and untidy.
We shared a room when growing up, she never tidied her part... used to leave uneaten packed lunches in her wardrobe for months, never brush her teeth etc.
I thought she would grow out of this but it seems it has gotten worse with age! I'm currently back living with my parents and she will not pull her weight around the house. She hasn't done a single load of her washing since Friday (so a week tomorrow) and only maybe one in the last 2 months, has only had one bath since friday(my bedroom is next door to bathroom if you're wondering how I noticed ha ha) and doesn't brush her teeth regularly. My mum tried different ways of getting her to be more hygienic growing up but nothing ever worked. She even tried embarrassing her into being more hygienic & also put an alarm on her phone to tell her when to bathe... I can't understand why she is like this?? Me and my brother take care of ourselves & shower every night etc. parents are on holiday this week and so far I've done all the housework! We both work full time and I'm 5 months pregnant but she's left it to me... i used to pull her up on this kind of stuff but tbh I'm past all the arguments and stressing because nothing ever changes. I've told my mum she needs to sit her down and tell her to either grow up or get out but I think my parents are too soft on her and would never follow through on any threats to make her change her ways. Has anyone had any experience with this?? She's very defensive and dramatic & nothing is ever her fault which winds me up to no end too!

What is going on in your life at the moment? Where do you live? What are your hobbies? Are you studying or working or..?

My and DP are living back at home due to me being pregnant and we are just getting the last bits together for a house deposit, living here is never meant to be for long term. I work full time & do courses on the side, also do a bit of make up artistry, eat out, see friends the usual etc. sister has no hobbies really, she does tend to hibernate!

It is not your place to tell your parents they should tell your sister to grow up or get out.

If she doesn't wash her clothes, bath or clean her teeth what is it to you? She is the stinky one don't let it affect you.

What is the housework?

Is she paying equal rent to you (and your brother if he is still at home), does your mum stipulate what chores should be done with this rent? If she is contributing I would say it's her life and she can be as smelly as she likes.

I'm really sorry scruf I'm just struggling to understand why this is bothering you so much. It sounds as though you have so much going on in your life, so many exciting things. Why do you think it's getting to you?

We all pay equal rent. Things that are expected to be done are own washing, doggy poop, hoovering, washing pots, bins, basic tidying up after yourself, polishing, the usual really. She can be as smelly as she likes if that's really how she wants to live but I just don't get the reasons behind it?

i think it's the arguments that we have had over it... She gets away with not doing stuff a lot of the time where as i feel like the one who's having to wipe her arse! I think that's why it bothers me. I appreciate all your comments and advice!

i think it's the arguments that we have had over it... She gets away with not doing stuff a lot of the time where as i feel like the one who's having to wipe her arse! I think that's why it bothers me. I appreciate all your comments and advice!

Sorry, I know how angry siblings can make you.

But to me, this sounds rather sad. Is she a bit depressed or struggling in some way?

It sounds to me like she maybe has ADD or dyspraxia? My friend has dyspraxia and struggles with a lot of the basic self care most people take for granted. These women are often undiagnosed, have low self esteem, and are bullied and scapegoated within families leading to mental health issues and further problems. They can be over senstive so things like brushing teeth and hair are painful.

Getting a diagnosis at 29 was a big help to my friend, she had some therapy and learned to establish self care routines.

scruf I can sort of understand this, my sister is in her early 20s and is a bit lacking in the hygiene department though not as bad as your sister.
Her room stinks, she has an all consuming musty smell about her, she often smells of BO and her breath is revolting.

Thing is she is never short of a boyfriend. It annoys me because I don't understand it and I fear yhat people think we are a stinky family which we are not.
But I have said as much as I can to her about it and now I just leave her to it, just hope she wakes up someday and realises it.

She has body issues, she is naturally thin but thinks she is bigger & says she sometimes does feel depressed. I've tried getting her into a few things, like to go to the gym with my dp to get her out the house & seeing what courses she could do on a night. I'd hate to see her be like this for the rest of her life, I just don't know how to go about it!

How does it cause arguments, do you think?

Can't you just get on with your chores and way of life, count your blessings and at the same time be glad you'll have your own space soon.

Where is the witch- that is just like my sister, she always has a boyfriend around, I think she likes the security of being with another person. I will look into the dyspraxia thank you!

Viv, she gets very defensive & angry when asked if she has done this or that, like she is being bullied even though it is just a simple question asked. I have done that this week, just kept to myself because I can't be arsed with the arguments any more. We get on well regardless btw, we are open with each other and used to go on nights out etc before I got pregnant.

I don't know how well I can put this, but I'll give it a go.

Perhaps the arguments are because she's untidy and doesn't keep things and herself clean. Or, perhaps the arguments are because you check up on her, asking her if she's done this or that.
Both are probably true, but there's only one of them you can control. Was this her home before you and your partner moved in? Perhaps she preferred things as they were. It doesn't sound as though your parents have a problem with her lifestyle.

I admit I have checked up this week because my parents are away. They complain and nag her all the time to do things round the house but I think maybe if they sat her down and had a proper chat that they might get more sense out of it all.

I think it's not your problem. I think it's not your business. I think you should be grateful you have family who can take you in to their home. I think you should make the best of your lot and look for the positives, not look for arguments.

Okay thanks. I'll keep my beak out now and just let them get on with it. thanks to all that took the time to comment on my daft post xx

She sounds very depressed to me.

I think it's nice that you're bothered about your sister and don't know why some posters are being so cutting. Maybe she is a bit depressed or has an undiagnosed invisible disability. Not sure what to say but it's good you are concerned.

My brother-in-law is similar. I really struggle with it, especially when he comes to visit. Our whole house stank when he came for Christmas. I felt ill with the smell, which isn't very nice in your own home. Husband hated it too, and really read him the riot act: he's improved since. In his case, I think it's pretty clear he's got undiagnosed Aspergers, and struggles to function in a number of ways.

I suppose I'm telling you this in order to say I can understand that it must be very difficult for you.