What do you do if your libido totally disappears

[libidogo]

My dp and I are having terrible problems because I have no sex drive at all. It's not of my choosing and I don't know what to do about it. I went to the doctors a while ago and they thought it was stress. It's a vicious circle because the more we argue the less I want intimacy and so it goes. Dp says that being initimate with me is very important to him and that he loves me and wants to do it. I struggle because I just have no libido at all. I know that's the problem and not just him because I do not want to masturbate etc. Never think about sex. I have become sexless. I have always suffered from depression and am non anti-depressants all the time. I have felt really low lately with all the arguments and I am not almost paranoid about any mention of sex.

What can I do? I am at my wit's end trying to resolve this.

This may sound a bit odd - and I'm certainly not advocating that you should do anything that you don't want to do. But I have heard some people say that having sex even if you didn't feel quite like it helped - a bit like kick-starting an engine. Also "scheduling" time for sex - even if it's not as spontaneous as you might think it should be.

I too think it is a menopausal thing for some people; I have z great relationship with DH but I went through a stage of genuinely not caring if we ever had sex again DH is lovely and was very hurt.

On the positive side I think we are getting through it to the other side now. I have made an effort to get myself back on track for DH's sake and am finally feeling like my old self again.

Thanks everyone. There are some good ideas and insights here. I do want my mojo back. I was abused by my uncle when I was about 8 and I don't think I've ever recovered. Lately I have been having these fantasies of going to find him. Not sure why. I've always been a bit weird around sex. Up and down. I am overweight and feel ugly even though do says he thinks I'm hot. Truth is I hate myself for all the crap in my life. Two failed marriages, terrible post natal depression, feel like a failure in all ways. Blimey it's all pouring out of me! I feel like there's nothing left in my life apart from the dcs. So tired.

Yes you do have a lot going on right now, for some reason a life time of pain has finally caught up with you. It's hard to be in the mood for sex when you hate yourself so much. The medication may not be working too well to lift your mood and perhaps it needs reviewing but your hormones will be going crazy at this age and this will also be affecting your moods and libido. It's time to have a chat with your doctor about the meds and ask to be referred for counselling to help you work through some tough emotional issues in your life. Perhaps there are little things you could do to make yourself feel a bit better about yourself; take up a new hobby, do some exercise, buy some new clothes, to try to lose a bit of weight.??? Anything that makes You feel better about yourself...... For your own sake and nobody else's. Sit down with partner, tell him you are having a really hard time just now and need patience and support. Perhaps tell him that you love him (if you do) but that for now sex is off the agenda. Perhaps once it's not so a huge deal you can find a way to become a little bit more intimate again with a cuddle or a kiss (although many men do think this opens the door to sex). Hopefully, in time you will get through this horrible period in your life.

Thanks Heyday. Yes I will go to the doctor. I've had depression for forever although I do function OK and hold down full time work. So many demons.

I don't agree with the thing about a bad relationship meaning low libido, I have been in awful, borderline abusive relationships where the sex was mind blowing.

Normally if I was not in the mood to have sex with my partner, and he wants sex I just do it because I get in the mood soon enough once we start.