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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is this a phase?

7 replies

Doubtfuldaphne · 14/05/2014 21:44

I've been married for four years, but I just don't fancy my dh any more. He's put on quite a bit of weight and doesn't really make any effort any more. I've started really fancying other men and wanting to start going out again in the evenings just to get away from the mundanity of my life at home. Is it normal to feel like this from time to time? I just imagine the rest of my life being this way and I feel a bit trapped. I love our dc's but I just feel like I need some excitement.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/05/2014 07:02

It's fairly normal to get in a rut in a relationship, especially if everyone's taking each other for granted and not making an effort. Weight-gain can have a effect on intimacy but it's much worse when the relationship is not all that strong to begin with. If your social life is poor, that's easily corrected with a little effort.

I think you need to talk to your husband honestly and tell him that you're worried things are drifting and that the relationship needs some urgent attention. If his weight is a concern, frame it that you're worried about his health rather than 'I don't fancy you' which is horribly cruel. If you want to go out more, come up with some ideas together how you can reconnect socially as a couple

Talk

Original poster

Doubtfuldaphne · 15/05/2014 08:31

Thank you - I was worrying no one had replied!

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/05/2014 09:10

How long have you been together, how old are the DCs and how old are you both? If I was to guess, I'd say you got together quite young even if you only married 4 years ago, he's got a bit comfortable as well as larger, and you're starting to feel like settling for marriage/kids when you did means you're missing out on 'lost youth'. Am I close or way off?

Original poster

Doubtfuldaphne · 15/05/2014 10:20

You're very close!

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/05/2014 10:26

Yet more reason to talk. Average life expectancy for women in the UK today is over 80... so if you're dissatisfied with life now, better fix it before it turns into real resentment.

Original poster

Doubtfuldaphne · 15/05/2014 10:27

I will!

OP posts:

Jan45 · 15/05/2014 10:33

If your OH is not going to make changes then it won't be a phase it will be the status quo. I couldn't be with anyone I didn't have an attraction to. Sorry but by the sounds of what you have written you may end up doing more than just chatting to other men!

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