are ther any other Everquest widows out there...?

[suburbanjellybrain]

my dh plays this online game everyday for most of the eve. He has never been v sociable a classic only child. I would like him to dedicate at least one day of the week to 'us' but he says he needs his space and to be fair since baby no.2 he has taken on bedtime for ds. and is a very doting dad... but just sometimes i would like him to come and sit with me in the pm instead of spending all his spare time in the study. I think dh thinks that he is the way he is and i shouldn't have married him if i didn't like it etc. but i do remember having a social life early in our relationship! does anyone out there relate...?

hopeful bump

i'm trying to imagine your position but i'm not quite there as my dh loves fishing and will spend hours in the garage but he still comes into the house at some point to spend some time with me. have you tried telling him how you feel? I know he will give you probably say 'thats how i am and you married me knowing that' but at least it might give him something to think about.

my dh is just like this. it drives me mad. he also like watching films, so our together time is watching a video. we almost never go out as a couple - only if we go out with friends, do we make the effort to get a babysitter.
we do still get on though, and he's very hands on with dd.
he does a very stressful job, so just wants to veg in the evenings, and i'm in the same position, but sometimes i just wonder what happened to talking!

Yes it is hard for dh to have the responsibility of being sole breadwinner now and his job is v tough and he has a long commute ... so i do feel mean - but sometimes i just think i want him too myself for a bit once kids are in bed - we do watch lost together but it is not enough. Probably i wouldn't mind so much if i didn't feel jealous of all the online commitments he makes - they do 'raids' together while i sit bf'ing dd in the front room pretending that i dion't mind watching mindless crap on the cathrode ray tube everynight. Because we are in a new area i know nobody and have no adult company apart from dh and tesco checkout staff at the mo so i reckon the pressure is on my dh to be more of a companion than ever before

WoW widow here, but same thing

Luckily our computer is in the lounge, so he sits and plays, I watch tv/read a book, and we talk then iyswim.

We do have the odd spat of "You love that f*ckin computer more than me" (our poor neighbours ).

My way of looking at it is though - he is home. He could be out playing golf/in the pub/fishing, but he isn't. He is at home with us, he does still interact with us (although sometimes it needs a kick). We used to play Ultima Online together - that was good for us - sounds unbelievably geeky, but it was a joint activity!!!

Frizbe's a WoW widow too.

def been there flamesparrow - i have stopped (almost) trying to guilt dh out of the study and he is definately not the type to go out on the piss - that was me pre-babys - so i should be grateful for that. so maybe my problem is terminal self-pity.

i understasnd the attraction of on-line gaming but i do worry about when the kids are older what their male role model is going to be - the man sits in his 'cave' most evenings interacting on-line... really not what i want for ds - although it is quite as bleak as that - dh makes lots of positive contributions to family life and we do things together. Will dh want to spend time with the kids in the evening when they are older or not (only 4m and 2yr at the mo) and will they feel shut out?

ah ha!!!!!!!!!

a gaming widow! yes i am one of these - my dh plays utopia - is wizards and shit.

he gets up at 5 am to play it.

i have had more than one major meltdown about it right here on mumsnet.

dont get inot he thnkin that hes the major breadwinner his life is hardd and allt hat shit

hes got the easy job love - you have the kids. always remember that.

sometimes he goes a bit OTT with the whole thing and i have to reign him in wih a bhig bust up.

i have to remind him that i actually like his company.

which is why he gets up at 5am. i dont get up til 7.30 by which time he has gone to work.

he does a bit in the evening - i doa bit of mumsnetting in he evening.

i have fought it all he way. and think we have a comprimise.

but then my dh - if he gets a bee in bonnet about anything he takes it OTT

he is definatley in he OCD camp.

No but I used to play everquest does that count?

Get a second computer. Join him. You might have fun.

Ahhh... that is "the dream" georgina!!! Get a laptop... he plays pc, I can play laptop, and we can bond online!

I have a level 69 wizard in everquest (-:

DP has a level 69 shadowknight and DS aged 5.5 has a healer.

DP works away at the moment but when he gets online in his hotel we can chat and play together via EQ.

After DS has gone to bed I would rather sit and play that with DP than sit downstairs and watch tv.

One of us may sometimes need a bit of nudging from the other if we have got involved in something but it is only a game and neither of us has any problems not playing it.

kathlean it would be ideal if i shared my dh's enthusiasm for everquest - the game itself is not the problem. dh and i share a passion for music and went to gigs/ listened to music together in the beginning of our relationship - i simply want to recapture some of that shared experience but i can't imagine playing eq with him i am afraid. and until my laptop is fixed it is not possible to do so anyway.

on the plus side, once your lo are old enough for you to go out in the eve, he will be home to take care of them. our dd is good at going to bed, and dh is happy to stay home while i go to the gym.

i asked dh over dinner what he would think about me joining in with EQ - he confirmed my suspicion that far from welcoming it - he would regard it as an encroachment on his alone time gaming is an escape - i think he was a bit worried by me mentioning it as an idea even...

Pfft, why should he have all the fun?!! (actually, husband/wife teams are quite common in online gaming - I wonder how many are of the "if you can't beat them, join them school).

Tell him that by two-boxing you'll be able to powerlevel each others characters and you wouldn't be subject to the whim of pick up groups all the time. That might persuade him

It'd probably scare the cr*p out of him that she knows the right terms

DH on the other hand asks me to play with him, but with only one PC, he plays with his friends, and then its me running about alone when they aren't on, because if they are on, they want to play with him because he's not an incompetent fool

thank you for your responses ladees - i needed to vent as do get frustrated with dh's hermit tendencies sometimes. knowing my dh as i do i think it will be a cold day in hell before me and dh unite to kill dragons and get special powers or whatever it is you gain on EQ (no offence to eqers i just really don't know how it works ).

So i will plan my own escape activities for when kids are bigger - though i have been invited out in a few weeks to a b'day bash in london and my dh says he has 'to think' about wether he is able to babysit! bloody cheek dd will be 5m by then and i have not been out on my own AT ALL since she was born... may have to start a new thread on that one!

Aha! Kept looking at this thread title and thought it was about double glazing...DOH!!! Sorry

I'm a football widow but at least it's only part of the year. I have to say that I'm the hermit in our family. I love ot have time to myself once I've got home from work and we've packed the kids off to bed. Sometimes I resent my DH when he demands my attention - I do most of the childcare if I'm honest and I just want to curl up somewhere with a book until I fall asleep. Sad I know. But I make an effort and it does us good. I would say that your DH needs to accept that he has to share his time with you - just once a week maybe. Otherwise there is no relationship. You can't carry on being a 'classic only child' once you've married and got kids.

"my dh says he has 'to think' about wether he is able to babysit"

For starters he is TAKING CARE OF HIS CHILDREN - NOT babysitting. And second - if you have booked first, then you get to go out. Simple as that.

(I can just imagine the tirade DH would get if he tried that line out on me... actually, I can only dream of it, cos he's not that brave ).