Heavily pregnant. Just discovered dh affair.

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I have posted about this before but can't remember if I name changes or not. Back in oct ( few months after a miscarriage ) I found out dh was having an affair with a women I knew but never met. I found picture messages from her of her naked arse. They both denied anything was physical and it was just silly messages but the signs were there. Phone glued to him, not coming home etc. anyway. Found out I was pregnant and let him convince me to try again. I stop going through his phone and we even went on holiday together in march with the kids. Things have got bad again with the same shitty behaviour and I questioned him if he was still in contact . He of course denied it, made out I was loosing the plot and he was embarrassed it even happened in the first place.
I managed to hack into his phone bill and discovered he never cut contact. Even on hol he was send her picture messages . I printed out the bills and confronted him yesterday. He looked at it, screwed it up and denied it!! I lost it and made a huge panic attack. I left the house and went to a&e. Lovely nurse calmed me down and assured me baby was fine.
I tried I check into local Hotel but full. Called the 101 no. Waited three hours . They advised they cannot move him from the property as it's in joint tenancy. I said I can't be around him as it's affecting my health . Stayed with a family member. I came back this morning as he left and agreed to leave me alone tonight . He did this before in oct and came back after a few days and refuses to go. The sight of him gives me anxiety . There is a history of dv but none recently . Where the hell do I stand? I need and want this house .

Forgot to add the ow messaged me saying they are just good friend and he was sending her pics of our holiday! What kind of fucking women is she! Why is she happy being the ow!!

See a solicitor for advice.

Sorry you are going through this.

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this.

If he was even half decent he would admit to it and be there for you as the father of his baby, not as your husband/partner.

I honestly think he's a selfish git. I'd go to a solicitor and ask for advice on how to get yourself/the kids out of the house.

He sounds completely vile. She's no better.

I can't move out. This is the problem. I can't afford the deposit on a new place as I earn £500 a month. I need to stay here . Just wish he would do the decent thing and fuck off!

Firstly- please stay calm. You feel trapped and as if he has the power, actually, you do. It doesn't feel like it but you do.

Firstly, he will deny. It's part if the script. To this day my ex still denies something that was concrete evidence. It's pathetic. Don't lose sleep over 'an I going mad?? Is he right? An I paranoid??' No. He is a lying cunt.

Secondly, can you tell your parents?? His parents?? Who will have a word with him and tell him to move out and that it's affecting your health??? I didn't ask for help from anyone and once I told his mum and brother they really supported me and made him move out (he's gone but insisted on coming back).

Thirdly- have you got really good rl support? Someone who will come and look after you?

Have you eaten today??

Pps- get straight onto tax credits...you'll get more as a single claimant....housing benefits??

Hello everyone. Just to update he agreed not to come back and his moving into a flat next week.
He still hasn't really addressed what he has done and completely denies it. He's even gone as far to say I'm jealous of their friendship ( what friend sends pictures of their bare arse!). I believe it's called gas lighting ?
His mum is in complete denial about the whole thing and I'm not even sure his dad has been told.
I'm in the process of processing all the benefit claims however I am worried about hb as we are still joint tenants and he's made it clear he won't contribute if he's not living here.
I don't want to be dependant in him as he will use money as a from of control .
Please tell me it gets better. I'm worried about going into labour on own !

Yes, it's called gaslighting. He is an idiot and so is she.

First of all, is there someone else who can be your birth partner? Get that sorted and you will feel a bit better. Then make an appointment with a solicitor.

I'm sorry you are in this position. It does get better, honestly. I hope you have some RL support and that your labour goes well. Maybe accept that he will never 'address' the issue with you. If your relationship is over, what's the point?

You said earlier (I didnt' see your thread at the time) "What kind of fucking women is she! Why is she happy being the ow!!"

I spent over two decades avoiding being the other woman, on the principle that if women refused to do that, there would be less suffering in the world. Then I realised that the overall effect was that I was alone, and the rest of the world was getting it on. And I met a man I felt deeply for. I didn't become one of his many mistresses, but sometimes (often. constantly.) I wish that I had. My position now is that if, in future, I get a good offer, I'm going to take it. 'I will if he will.' I'm sad that it won't be the man I could have loved. I'm sad that I've wasted decades of my life. I'm sad that the majority of men who want me are married. I'm sad that I'm not a good person any more. I make a point of not asking 'Are you married?' But where a married man looks to women other than his wife, that's his fault/problem/issue/failing, not the other woman's.

The wronged wife needs to blame her husband, not offload the blame onto the other woman. That's not a personal criticism of you, its just what occurred to me reading the thread.

Yes been to see a solicitor. Not entitled to legal aid as there has been no threat or violence recently so will have to go to the courts myself.
My mum could be my birthing partner but as soft as it sounds I feel like if he's not there it may prevent him from bonding with her?
Friends I've spoke to have a very divided opinion on this so still unsure myself

Yes been to see a solicitor. Not entitled to legal aid as there has been no threat or violence recently so will have to go to the courts myself.
My mum could be my birthing partner but as soft as it sounds I feel like if he's not there it may prevent him from bonding with her?
Friends I've spoke to have a very divided opinion on this so still unsure myself

Don't worry about him missing the birth, he can come and visit as soon as the baby is born. It's completely normal for fathers to miss the birth for loads of reasons, doesn't prevent bonding.