Please help me because I feel like I'm with a stranger. My boyfriend and I have been together 2 and a half years. For about 2 of those, I was very happy. Recently things have gone downhill and I find myself questioning whether he is the person I thought he was.
He is 7 years older than me and seems to have had a lot of questionable past relationships. When I met him, he was almost too good to be true. He couldn't do enough for me, shared loads of my interests, took me out etc. Now he is the total opposite - no interest in doing anything with me, nothing in common, doesn't make an effort when we do go out. etc.
When we met, he had recently split up from his ex (let's call her Hayley) and they had a house together (I think they were together about 3 years.) He was in the process of selling this house when he got together with me. He used to rant about how he hated her all the time and would say he made the biggest mistake of his life by moving in with her. He must have liked her though, as she's in all his sister's wedding photos - and his sister got married in America.
About 4 months into our relationship I started to question if he was genuine. It was his friend's birthday and when he introduced me as his girlfriend, one of the blokes there said "oh, ANOTHER one?" then said something to imply he'd had a string of girlfriends in the past. I got upset about this (I was also ignored for most of the night by his friends) and asked him if he was a player. He insisted he wasn't and it all settled down. However, a few months later, his mum called me his ex's name at dinner which freaked me out - it was like he'd been through so many girls she couldn't remember their names.
His behaviour has made me wonder if he is a player. For a few months, he's been really distant and indifferent about seeing me. He's also got a code on his phone and is very secretive so I wonder if there's something going on there. He works in a place that is full of young females and I know most of his relationships have come from that.
On Facebook last night, I noticed an old photo of his sister, her husband and him in America. The girl who had put it up originally was someone I'd never heard of. When I clicked on her profile, I realised that she must be one of his ex girlfriends as there were old photos of them together and she must have gone to America with him to be able to take those photos.
He has never mentioned this girl before, not even when we have talked about ex partners, and he said he was only ever in one serious relationship (with Hayley.) Worryingly, the time frame he must have been with his other girl is very close to the time he was with Hayley, which makes me wonder if he cheated on the first girl or dumped her for Hayley - who he met and pursued at work.
In the same vein, as soon as he split with Hayley he was inviting a different girl from work over and they were in the house alone. I know this because there are photos on Facebook of her in his house and when I have seen her, she is very flirty and touchy feely with him. She is newly single and still works there as well, although he has always denied having a fling with her. He also mentioned that when he knew it was on the outs with Hayley, he went to a strip club with his mates to upset her (and probably force her to end it.) This rang alarm bells.
I'm beginning to worry that I have been in a relationship all this time with a huge player. Is he becoming distant now because he has his eye on his next conquest and has lost interest? He has been texting me recently saying things like "you feel like a stranger to me, like we have different lives" and "I want to fix this but don't know how"- it's like he wants to break up with me but wants me to be the one to call time on it so he can go public with someone else and not look like an arse. He never even phones me anymore. My family do not like him - they are convinced that he is one of these men who are always on the lookout for something better and that's why he's never properly committed to any of these girls and certainly doesn't want a future with me.
It is possible to be with someone for over 2 years and realise you've got them all wrong? I am probably going to end this relationship because there are so many dodgy things about him it's unreal (even things I haven't had time to mention here.) Thanks for reading.