Will the police take this seriously?

[Frustratedlady]

I found out yesterday that my 13yo sister has been being given cigarettes from her friends step dad and that he is paying for some of them.

Upon informing my mother she informed me off several odd things about him.

One that he was pm my sister and she had to put a stop to it.

Two she gets this creepy feeling about him.

Three her friend (the mother) has stopped responding to texts or calls and he has taken over all communication with my mum.

Four he insists on giving my sister and her friend lifts everywhere.

He stays while they play at my mothers house as his step daughter is supposed to be grounded.

Shortly after he moved in the step daughter started self harming. And anti depressants.

I personally think he is displaying grooming behaviour will the police take that seriously?

I'd have thought they'd take it very seriously. Not 'creepy feelings' mind you, but the rest sounds fairly alarming and the self-harming step-daughter is unlikely to be a coincidence. The point about the mother not responding to texts etc. do you mean you think he's preventing her from communicating? Do you suspect there's more than one kind of abuse going on?

We have no idea why but whenever my mother texts or calls her friend he answers.

Then it may be worth a call to the police 101 non-emergency number, say that you suspect the mother and the daughter are being mistreated, give all the information above and ask their advice what to do next. For all you know he could be on some kind of register.

Okay thank you I'll get my mother to do that.

Good on you.... world would be a better place if more people acted on their suspicions. I hope the friend and her mother are all right.

Wouldn't do any harm to contact 101, although there is probably limited action police can take on the basis of this alone. It may form part of a bigger picture that police are aware of though.

He certainly sounds excessively controlling, and the cigarettes and pm are both highly inappropriate and grooming behaviour. I'm wondering if a discreet word with the head of the school might be useful - the self harming and depression alone highlights that there is a safeguarding issue.

What is the history of the relationship? How long have they been married, how long were they together before marrying? Does your sis know anything about previous relationships, kids etc? Does he work, since he is available to provide lifts and provide security for play dates?

I don't know the answer to those questions my mother will though. She is gonna call 101 tonight.

My sister has found out I told my mum she is very angry at me.

Child exploitation (just this week attended a talk on this subject) can start with an exchange. An adult will give things to a child /young person... Seemingly generous.. Then eventually, after some time the adult will start to ask for 'favours' back. After all he's given her things (often illicit such as alcohol / fags). Ok, it's not always the case but its certainly an indicator.

Child sexual exploitation

I phoned 101 they took it very seriously they are going to interview both my sister and my mother tomorrow. But my sister is denying everything so what good it will do I don't know.

Your sister may be angry at you if she feels you've broken a confidence but 13yos may talk a good game but they are very naïve. She probably doesn't realise the full implications of what she's told you.

My sister will come round in time.

It doesn't matter if your sister denies everything if you write down what she told you and e-mail it to your DM for the police. Presumably you thought what she was telling you was truthful?

Yes I believe her 100%

I'm pretty sure the police are used to young witnesses getting cold feet and wanting to backtrack. As long as they have your account of what she said they can probably progress it. In the meantime, your DM should do everything to reassure her that she did exactly the right thing speaking up and that she is being taken 100% seriously.

Yes, your Dsis needs to be reassured that she is not in trouble (re the fags) and that you are all just worried for her friend.

I'm glad you've contacted the police. I hope your sister can understand you're acting in her best interests.

I remember when I was younger I would lie when I wanted something to go away, and then the more I got caught in the lie the more I'd have to stick to it as I felt humiliated id lied in the first place. it's a hard thing to break through, hope you and your mother can reassure her, and the police have adept ways of questioning that may help.

Good luck

Well she now sees I was acting in her best interest or at least trying to. But is still saying she won't speak to police. I am glad I phoned I wouldn't have slept right if I hadn't of told the police. I probably still won't sleep anyway.