I don't trust him, but I can't explain what I mean

[Sickandtired14]

I have posted a few times. Me and my DH have some issues. We have been making attempts to work things out but we seem to have hit a big bump this week and he has reverted to his stupid childish silent treatment and pushing every button of mine that he can to twist it all on me and make me the one in the wrong. Anyway, he has said he can't trust me. I do things behind his back and he can't trust me.

Thing is, the reason this thing was done behind his back is cos I don't trust him. I don't mean to be faithful. But it's like with my emotions.

I saved some money, in an isa. This was not a secret. But I simply never made a point of shoving it in his face. I just didn't bring it up but never exactly hid it.
Anyway, he is rubbish with money and so I didn't want him to know openly cos he would have wanted to spend it on this that and the other. All stuff he feels is important but I don't.

I don't trust him, with my emotions, with money, not to be nasty to me, not to manipulate me. Not to twist it all on me.

I can't explain what I mean to him. He says I am untrustworthy as I do stuff behind his back. And that I have no reason not to trust him. He is the kind who wants to save a penny here there everywhere but it inevitably ends up costing hundreds more and then he is grumpy and miserable about it.

I have saved money with one goal in mind - a house deposit for us as a family. But he doesn't accept this and says I have been selfish.

My guy is telling me to run from this guy now as we have had tough times for a while and they don't seem to be getting any better.

Can anyone identify? Does anyone understand what I mean?
Think I'm just ranting. Feel very alone right now.
Out of work for be first time since I was 12, with a 22 month old DD and 22 weeks preg with DS.

Just feel a bit stupid and stuck

What did you learn about relationships when growing up?.

No trust - no relationship. End of.

You have written about this man at great length before now as well and nothing has fundamentally changed. You're emotionally stuck and going around in circles and he is selfish; he will not change

Your man is inherently selfish and does not give a monkeys about either you or your child.

Is this dysfunctional role model really what you want to teach your children about relationships?. Its a really crap role model of one for these children to bear witness to.

He is being childish, short-sighted and immature. It all depends on whether you want to be with him at all?

If yes, you could go to a financial advisor who could explain to him what you are doing and the benefit/need for it. I know the problem here is not the ISA but it represents everything else. So perhaps solving that one and getting him on your side, might make him think - that you could be right and he could be wrong in other things too.

Its all worth the effort - only if you want to be with him in the first place.

He will have to earn your trust and you will need to give it to him, if you need to be together at all.

What is the point if neither of you trust each other, you both go behind each other's back and there is no communication apart from stone walling.

Don't know the back story but this is what is known as dysfunctional, it won't get better, you're probably better off apart.

I'm sure you're explaining it very well. That he's choosing not to understand and instead twist the blame back around is something else entirely. You mention that he is irresponsible with money, nasty, and manipulative. Few people would trust someone like that with information.

I'd listen to your gut.

You have completely different attitudes to money and your future financial security. Even if trust wasn't being raised as the issue here that would make any relationship difficult to reconcile.

He's throwing the trust issue in your face because you have (possibly inadvertently) shown him that you feel the need to take the responsibility which he can't or won't and seeing it as an open criticism. A criticism which I think is entirely justified given what you've described.

I haven't read your previous threads but he sounds like a complete arse.

It's the fact that I did it without his knowledge and I apparently expect him to spend his money on me (which is not true. I ask him for half of the rent and bills and food shopping that's it)

I wonder though:
I have been saving which is my big crime here.

He spends. He buys football boots, boots, trainers, shirts, clothes, anything he feels like - but he never consults me before hand. Then complains we have money. Whenever I want to do stuff we can't cos 'we need to save money'

How is it different? He spends, I save. Yet what I have done is worse somehow.