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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me make this choice

26 replies

mrsbucketxx · 14/05/2014 12:49

my husband has been offered a job abroad and i don't know whether its the right thing to do

pluses are. that its a really good salary
better quality of life
better weather
excellent schools

minuses are. leaving my parents behind (im the only one left after db died a few years ago)
only being able to rent where we move to, so renting our home here out.
packing the house up and storing what we cant take
packing up my business which i have only just started.

the company are really keen for us to go so much so they will pay our rent for six months on top of any salary

wwyd

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/05/2014 13:19

Here's what I do when I have a two-way choice and can't decide. I flip a coin - heads Option A, tails Option B - and cover it before I see which way it landed. Instantly I know whether I'm hoping for heads or tails. Decision made.

Good luck

Aussiebean · 14/05/2014 13:22

Go. But then I love exploring new places. Not everyone enjoys it.

You need to be clear on a timeline and think about the impact being away from you parents at this age will have. There might not be any. And they love coming to visit.

Things to think about I am afraid.

Original poster
mrsbucketxx · 14/05/2014 13:24

the main thing is my mum, i would devastate her.

but i really want to go, i think it would be good for all of us.

OP posts:
SnotandBothered · 14/05/2014 13:38

mrs. You have answered your an question.

You want to go, it's right for everyone. Except your mum. So your question should really be "How do I tell my mum and make it easier for her?".

To answer THAT question:

Most parents would be sad. I am an only child so I understand to pressure very well. But your guilt cannot be a factor here. Although your mum might be upset, she would not, in her heart of hearts, want you to miss out.

Tell her that you know she will be sad. Tell her that you have battled with the decision because of her but that ultimately, you need to do this for the whole family.

Is it somewhere she can come and stay for a holiday? Can you present her with the idea of spending more quality time together when she comes to stay? Remind her that it won't be forever (even if it might be).

It will be hard/sad, but she will cope.

fairylightsintheloft · 14/05/2014 13:50

how far is it? A short hop or other side of the world?

Onesleeptillwembley · 14/05/2014 13:53

This is YOUR life. Don't let your mum hold you back. Surely she wouldn't be selfish about it anyway. They can visit. Go, have an experience. You know you'll always regret it if you don't.

Original poster
mrsbucketxx · 14/05/2014 14:51

its jersey not a million miles away

OP posts:
Ruralninja · 14/05/2014 14:56

your mum can visit in Jersey! even if you went back and forth to make the journey with her. Only one life! (probably...)

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/05/2014 14:56

You have to do what is right by your own family here and I would grab this opportunity with both hands. Your mother should never use guilt tactics on her now grown up daughter anyway.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/05/2014 14:57

Jersey after all is a 40 minute flight from Gatwick airport.

Original poster
mrsbucketxx · 14/05/2014 14:59

she doesn't fly.

been looking at ferry crossings from poole which is about 350 quid

she'd have me living up the road if it was up to her

OP posts:
wyrdyBird · 14/05/2014 14:59

Is Jersey abroad? I guess it is :)
This is a short hop. Your parents could come to you, maybe, and you can easily get to them. Win all round.

winkywinkola · 14/05/2014 15:07

Go go go go go go go.

What a deal they've offered.

What an experience.

And you can always come back.

Your mother can't expect you to miss out on this surely?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/05/2014 15:07

Its not up to her and do not let her potentially guilt you into staying in the UK.

Do what is right for both you and your family. You mother will likely whinge regardless but she will manage.

Original poster
mrsbucketxx · 14/05/2014 15:47

i don't really want to say the salary but its more than ill ever earn. with 6 months free rent

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsbucketxx · 14/05/2014 15:53

oh and the job is pretty specialized that's why its been offered,

jersey have mad rules that the employer has to prove that the job cannot be done by anyone on the island.

OP posts:
Xenadog · 14/05/2014 16:03

Imagine if you don't take this opportunity. Do you think you will be full of regret and possible recriminations in 3 years time?

I say do it. If it doesn't work out you can always come home. As for your parents - it's Jersey; they can visit you and you can visit them relatively easily.

Original poster
mrsbucketxx · 15/05/2014 09:12

Thank you everyone.

I decided that it would be silly not to give it a go. I told my mom earlier and she was upset but its the right thing long term.

Thank you for helping me make my choice. I love the fact that mn opens your eyes like it does.

OP posts:
SnotandBothered · 15/05/2014 10:54

Well done mrs. If you go and don't like it/it doesn't work, you come back.

But if you don't - you would never know. You would have definitely regretted not going. It's the right decision.

Original poster
mrsbucketxx · 15/05/2014 12:25

thank you we are going to do it so that dh will go first and settle and see if he likes the job or not then i will go over later after the lease of my shop expires im sure in that time we will all know what we will feel about it for sure.

OP posts:
Milmingebag · 15/05/2014 12:38

Do it. Your mother can always move over if she wants or learn to cope with a flight.

Matildathecat · 15/05/2014 12:52

Done worry, she'll find a way to visitWink.

Sounds fab. Enjoy your adventure.

Original poster
mrsbucketxx · 15/05/2014 19:40

We will be going over in a few weeks, at least ill get a feel for the place then x

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsbucketxx · 15/05/2014 19:41

Aarrgghhh fat fingers minus the kiss Confused

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 15/05/2014 21:52

she doesn't fly Well no, none of us do. That's why we use planes.

If she has made the decision not to fly, then that is fine.

You can make decisions that suit your life.

I wonder how long it will take her to discover that she does fly, after all... Wink

You will have fantastic time!!!

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