How do you deal with family that you don't give a shit about but you have to have contact with sometimes?

[CrapBag]

My family are, difficult, shall we say. Not all of them, there are exceptions thankfully, but some of them are fucking awful people who I have no interest in and I can't stand their twatish behaviour anymore.

In particular 2 family members who have a real chip on their shoulder about me. I was saved from foster care by the relative that brought me up. These 2 were there throughout the whole thing and have always been around but they seem to really resent me and my children and the close bond I have with the person that brought me up. They are never happy for me, one has always made snide comments to me over the years, now she is being 'off' with my children, purely because they are mine. She makes far more fuss over the other children in the family and it fucks me off. Luckily she doesn't live locally but visits from time to time. The other found our about a house I am buying (very close to the relative I was brought up by) and in her typical way "well they have a lot of work to do" was her response (it is a do-er upper, but we are finally in a position to get a house). She just can't be happy. Something she has passed onto to one of her children, he is very off with me as well.

I don't have to see too much of them but I can't cut them out for good as I will run into them at mutual relatives homes. I am having counselling to try and deal with my abusive early childhood and the family I have. It is really helping and it is making a lot of sense. My counsellor cannot understand these people and I can tell that she doesn't think much of them (neither do I). However when I do see them, I am generally quite chatty and friendly whilst they are free to behave exactly as they like as no one will pull them up on their shite behaviour.

How do you deal with people like this? I know there will come a day when I can cut them out and I will feel no sadness about it, but that day is (hopefully) a long way away.

Could you just "pretend" that these family members are so insignificant to you and your family that their comments or opinions are totally unimportant?

Just don't engage with them? Smile, nod and ignore?

Good luck with the new house.

I have a couple of family-members who I have no interest in and don't particularly like. I make a fair stab at pretending they are just normal people, don't discuss how I feel about them with anyone else but make absolutely no effort to contact them or tell them anything about my life. It seems to work for me.

I have one or two of these in the family and frankly I deal with them the way I do the wine-sodden weirdos that sit on the benches in town, swearing at pigeons... ie. mostly ignore them or, if I really have to engage, keep it very brief and move on. Certainly don't make any effort to be friendly and chatty. They're not worth my time

I have someone in my family who I dislike, it's very hard to just switch off and ignore the bullshit they spout, but i've now reached the point where I care not one iota what they think of me, it's very hard to sit and pretend that everything they've said and done is ok when it's not, but I think by retaliating I'll be playing into their hands so I say nothing, just distance myself even more. Reading alot of posts on here as most certainly helped me get to this point.

My family are like that. My brother never speaks to me without making a snide comment about me going on holiday or not doing enough form my mother ( though he does precious little and she is really quite capable).
I have a couple of cousins I'm fond of but m brother always makes a point of slagging them off. I've decided that once my mother has died, hopefully a long way off, I'll simply sever ties with most of the rest of the family.

You are giving these people power over you by fretting and worrying. There is nothing you can ever do to make them like you so the best you can do is damage limitation. As others have said when you see them at family gatherings be polite but waste no thoughts on them and certainly do not spend time trying to have a conversation with them or being particularly friendly.

You owe them nothing and if they are rude to you use the good old MN favourite of. "Did you mean to be so rude...?"

I thought the same thing about that phrase xena and am actually wanting to use it.

It is true what everyone has posted here. I am getting better at letting go from the counselling I am having and it makes so much sense.

Smile politely (whilst thinking "yes you are a fuckwit who is very lonely and making yourself even more so because you are not a likeable person") and move on swiftly.

Bloody families though!