Surnames - wasn't sure whether or not to post here!

[AngelsInWinter]

Ok, so say my surname is Smith and DP's surname is Jones, this is what our DC are called:

Dc1 Smith (not biologically his but together since he was 1)
Dc2 Smith
Dc3 Jones

We're not planning on getting married in the near future or even at all, but we are planning on ttc another baby. So which surname would it have?! I wish they all had mine tbh :(

DC2 and 3 are Dp's but have different names?

I think, as you are unmarried, all your children should have your name with maybe DC3 having his as a middle name.

Oh and for the record not a good person to ask....
if ours were smith and jones (all kids same dad).....
DD1 (when unmarried) smith-jones
DS1 (still not married) smith-jones
DS2 (married) jones.
Cue divorce.
DD1 - Smith (she wanted only my name)
DS1 - Smith-Jones
DS2 - Jones.

Yeah, we're weird.

Little green light - yeh, Id only been with DP 9 months when our first was born so I didn't want to give her the surname of someone who may or not have stuck around.

Cogito - I know DP wouldn't let me change dc3's surname. I think he was gutted that our first baby had my surname but he never said anything. What did you mean to use as a middle name? God, my surname would never work! It's a word, think "Food" or something equally amusing!

I'm surprised at how many Smith/Jones relationships there are on here? I know they are both quite common names, but what are the odds?

Yep, we were not long togetehr and very young when she was born, dad was a family lawyer and advised double -barrelling as it was easier to drop one later on if a) we got married or b) split up. We did both.
All 3 kids would prefer Smith, but the DSs are too afraid of hurting their dad's feelings so will keep his. DD had a massive falling out with him years ago and changed it then.

I think, as you are unmarried, all your children should have your name with maybe DC3 having his as a middle name.

IMO there is no "should" about it. Neither name is more important than the other.

It would be simpler to have them all the same but it might be fairer to have two of each. I'm guessing double barrelled won't work (it wouldn't have worked with our names as both are words). So that means you need to either compromise or come up with a new family name that you all change to.

Wow if I ever marry DP and take his name (new thread I think) all four (me and three kids) of us would have different names, and I'd have the same as his children. That would be weird.
One of the reasons my DD changed to my name was because exh new wife was NOT HER MOTHER so she didnt wish to share a surname.
DP has always said if we married he thinks I should keep my name, its a cool name admittedly but I always thought Id like to take his. Lots to think about there now.
Except he hasnt proposed and Im definitely in lala land and day dreaming instead of all the important stuff Im putting off.

Blimey, that's a tricky one! If you were going every other turn, so to speak, then DC4 should be another Smith, but then you'll have 3 Smith DC and 1 Jones DC, and the Jones might feel a bit left out. But then if you do another Jones, there'll be just one of your DO's DC with the surname Smith... I'm confusing myself now!

I'd be slightly tempted to change all of your DP's DC to having the same surname, possibly his, but then I know I am in a minority of not minding having a different surname from my DC.

But logically I think perhaps discussing changing all the DC's name to some sort of double-barrel or joint surname might be easiest. If the names don't sound too great together then perhaps you could try

DC1 - Jones Smith
DC2-4 - Smith Jones

Then they would all share the same surnames, though in everyday life they might actually use a slightly different one?

Couldn't have my name-his name as a double barrelled as it spells "BJ"

Sometimes I wish I hadn't agreed to give dc3 his name, but her first name is a word too and it just wouldn't work very well. Plus he delivered her...