What would you do about this friend

[moomin35]

I announced my pregnancy last year to my friend (of 20 odd years) and she congratulated me. She has kids of her own and has basically fallen off the radar since having them always "so busy" etc etc. We have always been good friends although not best friends I guess. Anyway, I was kind of hoping for more support and check ins during the course of my pregnancy to see how I'm doing but haven't had any. Now I'm about to have my baby and she's taken a sudden interest in me. It all feels very false to me as if she only cares now there's something to talk about (infact I've had this with another friend too). I know their interest will peak when I have the baby but I can't really be bothered with it because surely if they were true friends they would have cared and taken an interest all along (this applies to some of my family members too). Am I being silly?!

Wait until you have a few more of your own and see how easy it is to stay on the radar, so to speak.
Having several children close in age finished off my social life, I'm sure I'm not the only one!

Yes you're being silly. There's nothing quite so boring as other people's pregnancies (except perhaps other people's diets or dreary self-pitying efforts to quit smoking). The 'fallen off the radar' friend is clearly not in your life 24/7 anyway. Most will get interested a) at the announcement and b) at the birth. BTW and in the form of a heads up ... expect them not to be quite as interested as you in the baby either. Congratulations and good luck.

Do you know what they are probably like this over everything not just your pregnancy, are they always there for you with other stuff?

I wouldn't over think it too much, just accept the fact that these two are always going to be the same, in and out, doesn't mean you can't remain friend with them though.

were you close friends during her pregnancies? have you tried contacting her or have you just waited for her to contact you?

I'm with galvanised and think you're being a bit harsh and she may just be busy and even if she wasn't, she shows interest and cares when speaks to you.

Yes you are being silly.

Did you check in with your friend throughout her pregnancies?

Have you made the effort to see her given the fact that the location, time etc would need to be baby friendly some of the time?

How much support have you given your friend?

Once your baby is here you will see how easily falling off the radar can happen.

I'm frankly astounded to discover that parents have any kind of social life once they have kids, most especially when they're under five. Over five it's all about the kids' activities and you'd be lucky to get a quick phone call between them picking the kids up from school and getting the dinner on. I don't take any of that stuff personally, it's just the way it is.

It must have been a bit deflating if she didn't come back to you but I wonder had you asked her specific questions whether she would have responded?

Now she's back don't cut your nose off to spite your face, she may be a mine of information and support. Along with those family members who weren't very visible the past few months.

Take care and good luck

Other people's pregnancies are not interesting, beyond wanting to know whether or not it is going well and how you can help if it isn't. And people who have children generally prioritise supporting them over supporting friends.

Your friends are getting in touch now the baby is almost here, because it is the time (a) that is more interesting and (b) when the support and advice of friends is most needed.

Aww moomin

It's not very nice to hear you're being silly and that your pregnancy is the most boring thing to others. For that you have my sympathy.

When I was pregnant I felt very alone and isolated and when friends did phone it was just to talk about me being pregnant. I didn't feel like they wanted to hang out or have fun with me anymore

But I bet your friend does care and she's probably thinking of all the advice she could give or the sympathy she'll feel when you go through the usual development stuff (babies and toddler things).

Keep her close. You really don't know when you'll need someone just to moan to and how much you'll enjoy hearing from her.

Congratulations by the way!

Sorry, Moomin. I re-read my post above and it sounds really dismissive, I didn't mean it to.

Pregnancy can be isolating, so I sympathise, but unfortunately when you have been through it all before and have a few kids of your own, your life and priorities change. It is really difficult to be available for meet-ups or to give lots of support, unless they are perhaps your very closest friends or family.

The fact they are taking an interest now is probably because they have looked up from the busy chaos of their family lives and thought 'oh crap, moomin's baby is due...better get in touch with her!'

See it as something positive.