Emotional affair I can not get over

[justcantforgetit]

In a nutshell, 1 year ago I found intimate photos from DH's phone, I confronted him and he confessed that he had been exchanging photos with another woman. He had deleted everything but they were on a back up but not what he had sent her which he conveniently can't remember. He can't remember what he sent, how many times it happened or anything he said to her, only the photos remain so I don't know anything of what was said between them. He promises me that things never went further and due to working, etc. I believe that to be true.
I felt destroyed, he really is the last person I would have expected this from, he has been a great husband and I can't put into words how shocked I and the two other people I confided in were. TBH I think my friends convinced me to stay and work things out. We have a young DD.
A while after this, I found out he had been messaging someone else and again sending pictures. The worst thing is this time I found the messages where he was telling this woman things about me, things that were not true (and ridiculous) she was obviously conscious about her body and he was telling her how wonderful she was, even going as far as saying I was 2 clothes sizes bigger than I was. She asked about me and he lied to her saying we had no physical relationship and she was better than me in many ways. Again, I confronted him and he said it was just silly and harmless fun.
If I have caught him out twice I'm starting to doubt how many others there have been.
Has anyone been through anything like this? I just can't comprehend his behaviour, he is a very loving and kind person, things I have read you honestly would not think were from the same person, its like a complete alter-ego.
I've struggled with what happened the first time as its someone I know and the more time passes the angrier I get and I really want to confront her about it. I can't help but think that one could well have gone further. I'm heartbroken because I love him and I thought he loved me. I really don't know what to do as I feel I need to know exactly what went on but all I get from him is 'I can't remember'.

You've been so disrespected, I'm so sorry. I've never been in your situation, so I don't know about confronting the other woman - my gut tells me if that's what you want to do you should, but others with more experience may be able to advise better?

Gosh no, stay well away from the women he pursues. They are not your problem, he is. They are probably lied to just as much as the OP is.

This is totally unacceptable. I;m afraid the fact this is photos, multiple and he's dealing with it so poorly suggest he is comfortable with infidelity. I'm sorry I would strongly suggest leaving or chucking him out til you can sort yourself out. If you want to contact OW, you have every right, but a tip would be that if you are looking for information, try and be unconfrontational. Many OW will be completely honest if they feel they wife is not judging or criticizing them, but wants to know about her DH. It's guilt and fear that makes people lie.

But really my point was that HE is the issue not them. Already it/s bad enough for me to suggest you should end your relationship, or certainly separate.

OP, you really do deserve better than this. Apart from the obviously unedifying, and to me totally unacceptable, business of the exchanges of photos with these women, the disloyalty of your H in talking about you during his sordid exchanges is absolutely appalling.

As for his 'I don't remember' - I think that translates as 'I don't want to tell you, and I won't'. But I think you have enough facts on which to base any decision you make. You probably don't need to hear the gory details, as the stuff you do know is bad enough.

Sorry he has broken your heart. Have you got any further with your thoughts about what to do about this situation? As it plainly can't continue like this, with you being destroyed just a bit more each time.

Oh, I forgot to say these are not emotional affairs, they are sexual ones. Don't make the mistake that because no PIV sex has taken place as far as you knowledge goes ATM), they are "only" emotional.

Ugh. What a needy sap.

If you won't leave , I'm with anyfucker on opening your relationship up at both sides. I personally would do exactly the same , including telling random men how shit he is ect , and I'd do it right in his face who's going to get more interest ? There's not much demand for Pervy wimps.

Watch his reaction if you even suggest it , let alone act it out. These cheeky fuckers wouldn't put up with the same shit behaviour they dish out to others. Or , get rid of him , trade him in .

Seeing messages and photos like that is horrific , I bet they're burned into your brain , no wonder you can't forget it. Forget the ow , her , and the messages are simply a manifestation of his shit character. He's a wimp , a sap , a coward , he's desperate for other peoples approval , and he doesn't mind debasing himself to get it.

I bet he's a people pleasing sap in other areas of his life as well. These wimps will do anything for monkey treats. Bin him off , but before you do be sure to give him a taste of his own medicine.

I guarantee that OP, as a woman looking for this sort of "silly and harmless fun", would get waaaaay more attention than this sad sack of bollocks

Op...I'm so sorry you've been shat on so badly by your husband.

The putting you down and lying about you to the woman is disgraceful. The 'I don't remember' is disgraceful. I'd actually understand more if he lied to you to try to minimise...but 'I don't remember' is actually sticking two fingers up at you. The fact you know one of the women is just the final insult to be honest- it's like he was trying to take the piss as much as is humanly possible.

I know this is so hard but he is NOT the lovely husband you thought you had. That person is gone. I think you should think very seriously about getting a plan together to end the relationship.

This sounds all too familiar OP and I am so sorry you are going through it.

My experience was that my X had these online affairs throughout our time together and was even still on dating websites. I thought I could make it work and doubted myself that they were grounds for leaving. To this day I don't know if any physical ever happened but IT DOESN'T MATTER. He was a cheat and it sounds like your husband is the same.

He doesn't care about you or your relationship. He is not willing to even admit what he has done. You do not owe him anything. Just leave or throw him out. Today.

Regarding your DC, it is far better for them to see their DM taking charge of her own life and showing that people deserve way better treatment than what you have received. In the long run, it will serve them well. This took me a long time to realise.

I must admit that I contacted the last OW. It did feel good but nothing good came of it, I'm not sure what I had hoped for but she didn't apologise (she knew he was in a long term relationship with a 1yo).

You can and will get through this. You deserve respect and he isn't capable of respecting you, he is a complete arsehole.

Listen to the posters on here, they helped me so much and speak the truth.