Tips On Reconnecting With Seperated Wife

[NormalBloke]

We split in February and both moved out of the house to new places the month after. She said she was done with our 8 years relationship as we just did not agree on parenting and this drove a wedge between us over the years and killed the affection etc

We have 3 young kids and miss them all dearly. I miss my wife so much it hurts like crazy.

I told my wife the day she left would she please try again she said no her mind was made up.There is no one else and nobody cheated

In the meantime I have not made any attempt to ask her back as I know its too early she would probably say no anyway and I fear the rejection would put me back on square 1. We are on speaking terms and I see her when I pick up / drop off kids.

I am taking very good care of myself and make a real effort to be nice and polite etc with her when we do meet. I have the kids at the agreed times and look after them really well.

However when I do see her behind my façade I just want to sweep her off her feet and kiss her.....ahhhhhh its so hard. When I leave her I sometime shed a few tears....

Is there anything else I could do to .......Yeh I know I am going to get slaughtered off you guys and people are going to say just move on but I just want to put our family back together if at all possible.

In the meantime I am trying my best to face up to the fact we may never work out....My head tells me I should just leave it but from time to time I just get the urge to tell her how I feel, but I know this might push her further away.

If anyone else is in the same situation my heart goes out to you
x

I think, and I have only read this quickly, that three months on is too soon to either try and reconcile or decide for divorce. Just get on with what you are doing. Let your wife know you are sorry and that you are beginning to see how difficult things were; and that if she wants to talk about it, so do you. But then leave it at that, that is all you can do.

I left my marriage and some of it sounds like what you say; and my husband did not accept it and we got into a situation where he pushed to get me to talk, take him back, tried to force affection on me etc. and I pushed back because I wanted space. Then you end up with very clear and definite positions, enforced by lawyers, where the only possible contact is minimal discussion at handover.

Let things settle, get some counselling for yourself to understand why you had to be so rigid, be there for the kids, don't force the issue.

Have you guys tried counselling either together or separate?

I think it's too early to get back together, but if you feel that you need to then tell her. Write a letter if you feel it would come across better than face to face.

It is early days though and you may not like the answer

Normalbloke my advice is if you want your wife back, let her go. There is nothing more unattractive than someone hanging around like a kicked puppy hoping for some affection. Move on with your life, make new friends, start a new hobby, get yourself out there. If she's thrilled for you, then she was never going to come back, if she's not, well maybe you guys have a chance. I'd give the same advice to a woman who's DH has left.

I feel for you, OP. But it seems to me that, while there may have been incompatibilities in attitudes towards parenting, there must have been even greater ones in the way that you argued and resolved disputes. The fact that you say you make an effort to be 'nice and polite' when you see her now suggests something else - that perhaps you didn't always do this while you were married?

I'm not saying you are to blame, but I do know what it's like to have to battle constantly against an ex who is completely argumentative, and who turns every little thing into a running battle. In the end, I was miserable and exhausted. When I finally got away from him, the peace that descended was glorious. There is no way I would go back, not for anything. I'm not by any means 'always right' - but I do think there can be argumentative styles that are so unbending that it is kind of impossible, and in those cases the best thing may be separation.

Cog Because we are also human only. Even if he walks away and be with someone else, he will still have a hole where his wife left him before. He has not gone and done the rebound thing which is good and it is great actually. Nor has she either. Which is also good, and also great too. That is keeping true to yourself. The question is whether they can rekindle a little bit of the love slowly but surely over time too.

I read that the OP wanted to sweep her off her feet and kiss her, well, he can still express a little bit of the sweeping too. i.e. ask her how she is, look at her for who she is as a person. Nothing heavy, but just concerns for her welfare. Her health. Because he is just separated for a little bit, so he still has a right (to compliment her and to feel all these feelings for her now) and a chance to do this. If she has gone for a divorce, and he no longer has a right to even compliment her then as a wife, cos then she would be an ex.

Normal bloke Tips on reconnecting ? Remind yourselves of who you guys were before children. Bring back memories, and discuss those. Remind yourselves of the journey that you had taken. Talk about those. Reminisce the good and the bad times.

Have you ever looked at your wife and think to yourself. "I am glad that she is doing this. I like how she is doing that and I know now that is her style and her way." Affection can sometimes be just things that you notice about one another and actually like and love about. Sometimes we may not verbalise everything that we see and say it out loud. This is actually not clingy or false, but it is sincere and it is true. You do not have to beg, and you do not have to plead. Just be true to your own feelings, and express a little bit of that is good enough. Whether she wants to try again, it is down to herself.

Reconnecting in a true way is knowing when you say something, the other person will actually accept and feel pleased about. It tells you that there is an invisible connection between you two. This is surely worthy of smiling about ?

Faking it,is when you try to say something which is not true in your own heart at all.

Everyone who gets unceremoniously dumped from a marriage is left with a hole where their spouse used to be FFS!!!! It doesn't matter how much you love the one that ended it or want to sweep them off their feet or pine for their affection, it's still over and there is no way on God's green earth that you can reconnect with someone that doesn't reciprocate!!!!

Have you ever actually been dumped Maisie0 or do you get all your information from Mills & Boon stories?