Firstly thank you to everybody who replied on my recent thread about my break-up. I've moved out, and am living with a friend for now.
Ex DP got the better 'end of the deal' with our split, as in he still has his house and is still in the same location. This does bother me somewhat,I won't pretend it doesn't,my life has taken an upheaval, and he's the one who did most wrong :(
I sold my house to move in with him, so now I don't own any property.
I left town and live somewhere I'm unfamiliar with.On the plus side I'm slightly closer to family(about an hour's drive).
I had my business, plus a part time job in an office when we met, and I gave up working in an office so that I had more time for the project of doing up his house.
I still make enough money, and generally preferred not having the office job because my other work's now more lucrative.
The doing up of his place never happened (long story, if you haven't read my original thread but pretty irrelevant to the point of this thread).
What it is is, basically I'm now in a strange town, with a lot of time on my hands! I work about 23 hours per week and I am doing a college course (it ends in June, though).
And I have generally been sort of okay,most days..But sometimes,like this past weekend-I have been so , so upset that I couldn't cope... Just cried for about 6 hours feeling like my life's over-what have I done, I've nothing left!I know that's pathetic. I'm just heartbroken. I don't know why-I know it was the right thing to do.
I was so sad and weirded out by the whole situation as in , a few years ago I felt I had a bright future and prospects and a great relationship and now I'm in lodgings with no focus and no idea where I go from here. My head's spinning with ideas sometimes, and in self-pity the next!
I have a friend who lives abroad and I'm contemplating just sacking things off for a bit and going to stay with her.But would that do me any good, even? I don't want to depress her and I may be just as lost and upset, but in the sun..?
I have seen a counsellor and she asked me about things I enjoyed doing as a child.I mentioned my horse and she suggested I take some lessons and think about getting another one....
I've thought about getting employment again to supplement my income.I suppose I could do, but what?I am post grad educated but I feel like doing anything related to that is beyond me at the moment-some days I don't feel like getting out of bed is in my capabilities.
I feel like I should use this opportunity of singledom to use my time wisely whilst I'm still relatively young...But it could be that I had so much time used up by his issues, and so much focus of it on doing up the house that now I am just desperate for something to do with myself.
And also I'm still heartbroken over our split. I've had to see him to sort varying things out and I'm not over him at all.I'm not sure I still love him though,a lot of it turned into pity at the end.
Any advice appreciated,I feel as if I'm going a bit mad to be honest.My emotions are all over the place.
Thank you xx