Going from friends to relationship doubts - don't think he's 'my type'

[snappymonday]

I have met a lovely man online. We have met up lots of times as friends as we quickly realised on the first date that we didn't 'fancy' each other. I enjoy his company; he is great fun. We see each other every week or two and first met in January.

He now says he has fallen for me and would love a relationship. He thinks of little else, he says. This has come as a bit of a surprise to me as I think I can usually tell if someone likes me 'like that' and didn't suspect a thing.

Whilst I like him such a lot as a friend I haven't thought of him in that way until now, and I'm struggling to see how a relationship would work. As we were friends he was honest and open about his previous relationships and admitted he has cheated before. This niggles me.
Also, I just don't think he's my type though I'm not sure what my type is.

I have been single for ages now and I don't know whether I am being too picky or simply scared of entering into a relationship again.
What I would like to know is if anyone has just taken the plunge and gone out with someone they weren't totally into and if there is a possibility that it can work. Don't want to lose him as a friend either.
He is so different to any of the men I've had relationships before.

Why would you want to sleep with him? What purpose would it serve for you?

I think you should decline and see if he is indeed a friend after all.

Hi,

The same thing happened to me.
A friend of mine declared that he would like to have a relationship with me. I also had no idea that was how he felt.

He was so different from the men that I was usually attracted to.
Like you, I didn't know what to do as I really valued his friendship and didn't want that to change either.

I spoke to mum (was 28 at the time)- who told me to take a chance

• and if it doesn't go anywhere- you haven't lost anything.

We dated 6 months- it was really lovely- (no sexual contact). I do normally take things in my own time!

I saw a different side to him, and he brought out a different side in me. I fell in love with him completely.

I am now 31,very, very happy and he is the love of my life.
Everyone else fails to compare.

My advice to you - is to take a chance and see where it goes :)
Sometimes having that friendship there from the start makes it all the more beautiful.

LineRunner I can't really imagine sleeping with him/having a sexual relationship. I think he'd be pretty good in bed actually as he seems to have had plenty of girlfriends in the past. Possibly was a bit of a player. His friend said he was quite the heartbreaker in his 20s and he is charming and charismatic.

orphanblack that's a lovely story. I'm like you in that I prefer to take it slow and to get to know someone. I love the idea of waiting 6 months and dating but I don't think he would. We've already almost known each other for six months. Most of my exes were friends first and I just grew to find them attractive, but it does take me some time!

I will wait and see though knowing me I'll decide I want him as soon as he meets someone else...always the way...

snappy But why not snappy ? Why not just see if he will wait 6 months for you to just get to know him more and then see what happens ? Afterall, he has now done that "I cleaned out my past in front of you by telling you, so if you take this step forward, then it means you would not dig it back up again" thing. And why do you not say things like "I am not sure even after you told me your past, but shall we try, and please do be yourself too."

I think this is that "seeing" stage which people talk about, but you kind of know you are semi-exclusive, and is not fully into an actual sexual relationship at all.

Do you always want him when he is with someone else ? Oh no, that is like me ! I used to then say to myself "if it is meant to be, then it will", rather than really saying "yes, I do like you too, and I thought I gave myself time". But you need to draw that kind of declaration at this stage.

The most proud thing for me is with my ex. When we did turn exclusive and not see anyone else, and when we did not etc. I have always had "friends" and only too late when I realised that I had feelings for them. It can be too late then.

Why would you even consider going out with him if your not into him ?

They are just "friends" at the moment.
But there is a next stage whereby if you are gf/bf, you do declare that you are so. You do not necessarily have to sleep with someone on the first date for crisis sake...

Anyway, how do you know if you are "into" somebody without actually knowing knowing them a person to begin with? We can mentally know someone, but if our heart doesn't connect with them, then this is also not good too.