Upset. Am I being too needy?

[Pastells]

Have NC for this.
My BF went away last week with a friend for a golfing holiday. Called me every day he was gone, just a 5 min quick chat each evening.
He got back last night, called me on his way home from airport just before 8.30pm.

I knew I wouldn't be seeing him today because he's away again on a golf day which will turn into a pissup this evening. He's working tomorrow day and I'm working tomorrow evening. So I won't see him till Wednesday night, a week after I last saw him.
When he called me last night on the drive back from the airport, I expected him to come round to see me then, just for a quick coffee or something, knowing we wouldn't see each other till Wednesday night.
He only lives 5 mins away from me but he didn't suggest it.

I've missed him quite a lot, and now I'm feeling really upset, very low on his list of priorities, and irrelevant.
Perspective please? Or would you also be upset?

Are you feeling insecure in your relationship in general? Maybe even without realising it? It sounds as though you're generally worried in his lack of interest in you

Thanks for all the replies.

To answer a couple of questions posted.

The golf isn't normally a problem. He only plays avg once a month, but he does always have a golf trip abroad each year. This one just was bad timing. The golf day on Monday was a charity golf day and he'd arranged it back in February. His mate booked the holiday and it was just a coincidence that it was the day after they got back.

We don't live together and as I said, we're both happy with that. We consider our relationship to be as committed as anyone else's, but we don't feel the need to live under the same roof. Both been married before and we both prefer to have our own space. He only lives around the corner from me and it works well for us both.

Right to get back to the point.
I saw him last night, and I feel sure that something's happened while he was away. I mean I think something happened with another woman. He wasn't himself at all.
But I've just got this nagging feeling that he's done something wrong while he was away. I've always trusted him previously when he's gone away, he's never given me any reason not to.
He knows where I draw the line and he knows that if he's done something and I find out, then I'll end the relationship.

I think this is why I felt so bad on Monday, intuition or gut instinct or something because it didn''t feel right.

So my problem is, given that he was away and this was almost certainly a one off, so there's unlikely to be an email or text or phone history trail, how can I found out for sure that something happened apart from asking him?
Actually I think the only thing I can do is ask him. And how do I word that? How do you accuse a long-term partner of cheating when you have no proof except gut feeling? Any advice please.

All you can do is ask really but he may not be honest.

Many years ago I had a boyfriend who went on hol for a week. Like you I had a gut instinct something was up.

A week or so later a letter came with just his name, no surname. I steamed it open. From a girl saying how wonderful it had been in the tent with him etc.

That night I kept taunting him about how nice it would be to make love in a tent. His face was a picture!

I had the proof though. If its more than a ONS you will get more to go on. Sorry you are going through this. It sucks.

Thanks Wallet.
I am very sure that something is up. He could hardly look me in the eye last night when I first saw him, then he was all over me.
Part of me wishes a letter would arrive like the one you found.

I think he will lie if I ask him, because he knows that even a kiss would be a dealbreaker for me.

btw lol at you taunting him not sure I could do that but I bet it was worth it.

Horrible when you have that gut feeling of doubt.

Yes, it is only.
And I have hardly any doubt about it. I am 99% certain something's happened.

Are you feeling like confronting it or having a look at phone etc....

When are you next seeing him?

I understand that not looking you in the eye behaviour.... It's horrible.

I'm seeing him tomorrow night.
I think I'll just ask him outright. Not sure I'll get the truth though.
Feel sick. It's an awful feeling.

I've asked him to come over at lunch time as I want to have it out with him today.

This is going to be a fucking mess.
We work together - in his business. I'm going to have to look for another job. Fuck.
Keep telling myself maybe nothing happened but I just know it did.

That's horrible. I'm really sorry. Happened to me once with a previous partner - I could tell as soon as he walked into the arrivals hall at the airport - and when I had it out with him I knew just from his awkward reaction I was right.

He always maintained it was 'just a kiss'. He turned out to be a massive liar in other regards, so I guess my gut was right.

Of course it could be something else entirely, in your case.

Thanks LineRunner. It's weird how I just know, but I do.

You have known him for ten years you will know if he is lying.

Will be thinking of you.

I'm trying to think why a person might act like this with a partner, ie evasively, sense of shame (not looking in eye), then trying to re-bond.

Cheating. Gambling money away. Doing something to be ashamed of, basically.

But there is also an outside chance it is something else, where he is perhaps the victim.

But you'll know from his reaction, I guess, when you ask about another woman.

Yes, listen to Liney, it might not necessarily be another woman. Is there anything else that could have happened that would be a deal- breaker or that he might think would be a deal-breaker and so wouldn't want to tell you about?

I can't think of anything else, but I will try to stay open to hearing what he has to say. I will know if he's lying to me.
stomach's churning.

I would have thought that since he is only 5 mins away that he would have been desperate to see you myself and would have wanted some bonding time. I know my DH would come straight round if he hadn't seen me for a week. So to me it does seem a little "odd". Did he phone you on the last night as usual?

I would also think that given everything you have said that he has had some sort of an encounter when he was away. Definitely. Are there any women on this golfing trip?

When you know you know!
I had that feeling regarding my ex.
I started to keep a diary of his weird behaviour once it started.
I asked him outright about 4 months later and he completely denied it.
Another 4 months later I found the proof and it had been going since I first had that gut instict.
Us women have these gut instincts for a good reason and we must trust and believe in them. I wasted 8 months.
I really hope you get the truth.
It is awful though - 10 years is a long time.

Hope you are doing ok, OP.

Op thinking of you ....hope all ok.