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Original poster

Accused of flirting with a football manager?

53 replies

violetpsyche · 11/05/2014 21:51

On friday evening I went to my cousins hen night. It was in a pretty well known night club which is not my usual sort of place. It was one where the night started early with a meal and a cabaret (dreadful) and free entry to the club for those who want to stay on. I had not planned to stay that late but another younger cousin on mine wanted to stay for a while and I was giving her a life home so I stayed. At about 10.30pm we went downstairs to the main club and it was dead except for a group of men who turned out to be some players from a local football club. I am 35 and my younger cousin is 26 and very pretty so she very quickly attracted attention. She was talking to one of the players and I got talking to the teams manager (he is about 40ish) who was with him. I happened to know how he was and that he was married with children. I was wearing my wedding ring so we chatted and that was it, we did really get on he bought me a couple of soft drinks and he was a lovely guy. We mainly spoke about our families and it turns out one of my close friends is married to one of his old school friends and I had a nice time. I don't think the club was really either of our usual sort of place and I think we were a welcome distraction for each other.

Anyway the club filled up and more of my family had come down from the function area. The cousin who I had come down with was off talking to someone else and it was just me with the manager. I didn't think anything of it until I noticed that my one of my cousins wife was giving me dirty looks and gesturing at me. She had had way too much to drink so I ignored her. When it got to about 12.30 was ready for my bed and said goodbye to the man I had been chatting to. He said it had been lovely to meet me and he kissed me on the cheek. That was it.

I then went over to my family to get the cousin I was taking home and got an earful of abuse from my cousins wife who had been staring at me, she was drunk and was accusing me of getting with this man and said she had seen us swap numbers. The only time he had his phone out was when he showed me pictures of his kids! I tried to explain but she kept saying how she hated cheats more than anything and eventually I just said there was no point talking to her until she was sober and walked away with the cousin I was talking home.

Obviously its difficult for me to say how it looked from accross the room but while I thought he was a lovely and attractive man I wasn't swooning over him and he wasn't pawing at me we just talked. I have equal male and female friends so it is normal for me (as I am sure it is for many others) to talk to the opposite sex with no ulterior motive.

Anyway over the weekend it has caused a bit of a scandel in my family and I'm very embarressed by it all. I'm annoyed at my cousins wife for stiring things up. I told my husband about it and he just laughed but I feel like some are taking me for a scarlett woman!

I am sure if he hadn't been a recognisable person it wouldn't have been such an issue but its been blown out of proportion. I am sure it will all be forgotten about but I am still pretty angry at how it has been taken by certain people. Honestly its my 1st time at a club in about 10 years and this happens!

OP posts:

sittingatmydeskagain · 12/05/2014 16:03

Cant believe some of the comments here - it's a load of fuss over nothing, your cousin is clearly an interfering, jealous woman, and your husband is absolutely right. You should just laugh it off!

thehonesttruth · 12/05/2014 16:04

imo it seems like you and this man fancied each other big time, agree that he wouldn't have sat with you all night if he wasn't getting pleasure being with you that suggests sexual attractiom, sparks etc In these situations its the body language that gives you away even when you don't think you are doing anything. I have seen it myself, 2 people who swear blind they are just friends but the body language says so much more.

That doesn't mean I think you were wrong to talk to him, if as you claim you do not plan to see him again then there is little harm but be very careful if you run into each other again.

thehonesttruth · 12/05/2014 16:06

also you two have friends in common, so you already have an excuse to meet up. Men like him are used to getting what they want so watch yourself.

Jan45 · 12/05/2014 16:07

Remember OP the cousin would've been raging cos you weren't sitting with her!

CanaryYellow · 12/05/2014 16:11

Your cousin sounds hysterical. Going to a pub in her pj's to berate her DH's friend for chatting to another woman - really??? Crazy. She will probably turn out to be one of those people that has been bonking her DH's best mate behind his back for the past 20 years or something, and everyone will be like "ooh she was always soooo vocal about being so against cheating... I never would have guessed."

I think as long as you and your DH are brushing this off then ignore the rest of the family.

sittingatmydeskagain · 12/05/2014 16:15

Good job you lot weren't out with me last time I went out. I spent the whole evening chatting to a very attractive man, who I actually found (shock horror!

) very attractive!

Luckily my husband was present, and didn't give a stuff as the man was his friend and colleague, he knows that I am actually capable of enjoying a conversation with another man without jumping on him; and am not going to find it hard to fight him off, even if he is used to getting what he wants...

Twinklestein · 12/05/2014 16:19

Some of my husband's French friends kiss me 4 times: twice on each cheek. That would get drunk knickers in a right old twist!

theallseeingeye · 12/05/2014 16:53

Your cousin sounds insecure and like she is projecting her issues on to you. That said I don't quite buy your "it was all totally innocent" act either. One one hand its the sign of a secure and mature person and relationship when you can enjoy the company of an attractive man or woman and not feel you need to act on it but there is no such thing as risk free.

You are an educated (I assume) woman in her prime, very alluring to a man like him. He as you said is handsome and wealthy. If both of you are happy in your respective relationships then your interaction is safe. If either one of you is even a little unsure or unhappy then it only takes a small chink to let the flood waters in.

How would you feel if you knew he hadn't been able to stop thinking about you? Would that thrill you, I am guessing it would.

You just need to be very careful because the forces of sexual desire, the urge to find the right mate etc can very quickly get out of control. If you valvue your marriage and respect his then stay away from him in future.

Twinklestein · 12/05/2014 16:56

So she's in danger of opening the floodgates of sexual desire by having a drink with a bloke? Jesus.

Jan45 · 12/05/2014 16:59

Twinklestein, erm I think you'll find it's not that simple, it was for at least two hours, two drinks, a kiss, all in front of her family, and you wonder why the bitch cousin has gossiped, really?

theallseeingeye · 12/05/2014 17:09

Yes twinklestien she is in danger of opening the floodgates of desire. Its true of many of us but the a certain amount of risk is always present tomorrow a woman couple start in your husbands place of work, gym etc and thats it. It happens all the time as this forum proves.

Moreover the Op reading between the lines suggests that she and this man were very attracted to each other, its obvious really. As Jan says he isn't kissing her if he isn't into her.

Twinklestein · 12/05/2014 17:13

The cousin gossiped because she's an imbecile.

A 35 year old woman stays at a hen night because she's giving a younger relation a lift home, chats to a guy her age, has a couple of drinks, gets a kiss on cheek on the way out - this is a non-story.

theallseeingeye · 12/05/2014 17:16

Well we can all take the basic facts and make them mean anything something in the op and her defensiveness says there is more to this than she is letting on.

The main test will be in how she reacts if this man initiates any further contact with her.

Twinklestein · 12/05/2014 17:17

Have you asked the OP whether her floodgates have opened? Or are you just presuming convolutedly...

Twinklestein · 12/05/2014 17:19

We can take the basic facts as they are, or we can twist them into something that was not actually said.

theallseeingeye · 12/05/2014 17:20

If I asked her she would of course deny it.

I would love to know who it is, I have my own ideas of course there are only so many youngish football managers in scotland!

Twinklestein · 12/05/2014 17:32

Presuming to know more about someone you've never met, than they do themselves, is not a sensible line...

oikopolis · 12/05/2014 17:44

Ooooooooo yes you never know how you'll lead some poor man on with all that wantonly sexual chatting about your family.

Women are always accidentally having affairs, you know. Watch out OP, next thing you know you'll be tripping and landing on his cock!

Jesus talk about misogyny.

theallseeingeye · 12/05/2014 19:34

Its not misogyny, the same applies to the football guy she was talking to. If he were on here I would be asking him the same questions? Why did he spend two hours with a woman, chatting intimately, and buying her drinks. They were both playing at being single, chatting the other up perhaps if she had been drinking it would have been more than a kiss on the cheek.

Anniegetyourgun · 12/05/2014 21:00

I know you can't be my ex-husband because (1) he is fairly IT-illiterate and (b) he'd have taken all night to type one of your posts. But you sure have some of his attitudes. Talking to someone about their spouses and kids is not "playing at being single" on my home planet even if it is on yours.

sittingatmydeskagain · 12/05/2014 21:10

So,if you're married, then you can't have a friendly conversation with someone you meet and get on with?

blindwilliemctell · 12/05/2014 21:10

As a man in my 40's it can be really nice to sit down and talk to a woman in your own age group without the anxiety of does she like me, will we go to bed. When you are younger its difficult to see past all that stuff, and often I am ashamed to say a womans personality isn't what you focus on. When you are older and settled then you can just enjoy a woman for who she is, you may find her attractive but she's no longer just a conquest she is an equal.

I did however a couple of years ago have a similer experiance with a women who I met at a party of mutual friends. She was an amazing woman, beautiful, smart, and easy going I did have a bit of a wobble, especially as I saw a fair bit of her at various social functions around that time. I was beginning to wonder if I perhaps had feelings for her which were a threat to my marriage. When I finally got to meet her husband and she my wife. I saw it very clearly then that her husband was a whole lot like me and she was very much like my wife. All the things we saw in each other we already had with our partners.

That changed how I deal with these things. My wife and this woman are now close friends.

labetenoir · 12/05/2014 21:34

well you can rationalise it if you like but if you could have banged her without upsetting the apple cart you would have done it right?

Naoko · 12/05/2014 21:35

Oh good lord. I must offend so many people by accident. I'm happily spoken for. I'm also sociable and like people, I find them interesting, I talk to them when I meet them in social situations and I smile and might sit and have a soft drink if those are available wherever this chat is occurring. People. Not 'women' or 'men', I talk to people fairly indiscriminately. Obviously I have been giving off all sorts of signals and accidentally chatting people up all this time .

oikopolis · 12/05/2014 21:54

well you can rationalise it if you like but if you could have banged her without upsetting the apple cart you would have done it right?

Rationalise what exactly?

You can find someone very attractive without hitting on them or trying to bed them. It's not immoral to find people attractive.

Neither is it immoral to talk to attractive people.

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