Husband game addict

[blondebitsinmyhair]

Please be gentle with me, I have just discovered hubby spent £100 in a week on a stupid game thing, where you have to use real money to buy coins to get up several levels to progress.

His debit card is on his itunes account. He has been spending bout £30 every 2 days.

He is breadwinner on average salary, im sahm.

He can't seem to stop, Help!!

At the moment he doesn't know I know. We don't have joint account. I looked at his deketed itunes emails to find this. His bank is online which I don't see.

He is always saying we have no money!!

Anyone???!

The only answer to this is to talk. You may be accused of snooping and that you will have to be ready for.

However spending money on games when you are short of money is a big no

Can you discuss why he does it is it escapism, could you find an alternative thing to do maybe together

You have to tell him that you know.
If he is spending roughly £100 per week, that's £400 per month.... Or nearly £5k a year!

It sounds like an addiction. He has to acknowledge that there is a problem.
I'm sure if you google gaming addiction there will be some online tools to help you both.
Good luck.

We are in debt already snd him doing this is making money problems worst!!

Yes we do need to talk, not sure how or when though?? Finding time to talk is tricky, he works nights, we have pre school age child.

I want to handle this right??!!

this is a sizeable problem if you're already in debt. It isnt going to be easy.

These games are set up to lure people in and create addictions, they are very clever with it. my own feeling is that he's best off simply not playing at all but if it's a real addictoin he may simply refuse to stop.

You do need to make time for this and if he is willing to stop then great. But I'd also plan what to do in the worst case scenario, if he cant / wont stop. There are some very sad and lonely gaming widows around.

Is it possible to give him a weekly or monthly allowance for gaming purchases as a half-way house, if he cant give it up? (i speak as if it's a drug addiction but for some people it really is rather like that).

Yikes that's an awful lot even without the existing debt issue!

I'm not averse to spending money in that way, but DH and I have a budget specifically for frivolities - £20 a month each to cover all DVDs, iTunes, apps, books, board games etc - so it's all accounted for and easy not to go overboard (I usually spend £7 every couple of months or so on 'gems' for the iPod game I am hooked on), might be something worth considering - it means we can still have a little frivolous spending without needing to justify it to each other and we know it will never get out of hand because there is a strict limit.

I think a pre-emptive text along the lines of 'we need to talk' is overdue Stop waiting for 'tricky' diary time, he should realise he's in trouble and drop what he's doing to talk about this. Any accusations of snooping and the response is .... 'this is about your irresponsible spending when we're already in debt, not why I checked the account balance'

Good luck and don't be deflected.

He has soent £300 in just a few weejs ffs!!! :((

Weeks

Its not the game itself just the money he spends when playing it. As he works night most of gaming he does at work on breaks.

He already lied to my face about how much he spent!!!

Whichever way you look at it, it's bad behaviour. Deceitful, irresponsible, thoughtless, selfish... So you've told him you need to talk, yes?

blondebits, these games are usually set up deliberately to hook people into buying. They are very cleverly gauged that way. In some games it's set up almost like a form of gambling.

Unless he is absolutely sure he can play and not spend, he's better off not playing at all ....But it might be damn difficult to get him to agree and keep to that.

I text him last night at work and sent loads of ranting texts. This morning when he came home I had to go on important errand, when I returned he went to bed.

Im making a list while our child naps ready for my talk with him.

It will start with asking to see bank statements. I fear he may refuse.

I have looked at a gaming addiction forum too meanwhile.

I don't want to have to talk to him like a naughty child but not sure gentle approach will do!

Im getting more and more alarmed as the running total is adding up in a short space of time.

No need for naughty child approach but you have to go in hard here.

Your role is to lay out the problem and show him the consequences of doing nothing about it. Problem = he's a lying, money-wasting, irresponsible arse. Consequences = separation? divorce? (pick something that will hit home and be prepared to follow through). What you don't do I would suggest is point him to gaming addiction forums or offer to manage his access to money. If he wants to avoid the dire consequences you set out he has to take 100% of the responsibility and the initiative.

Cognito yes he needs to face up to things thats true.

The forum was for my benefit.

Asking him to leave as a consequence has crossed my mind already, :(

I would see if you can ensure that he cannot empty your bank accounts or run up debt in your name. Not being funny but things can go astonishingly bad through somethign so small as gaming.

also be prepared for promises made but not fulfilled. Sorry to be such a doommonger but Ive seen it happen more than once.

We have separate bank accounts. He can't access mine, Im over drawn to max.

He pays household bills. Groceries money from him goes into my account.

ouch. financially a bit tricky then. I hope some people here can advise you on how to protect yourself financially