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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

fed up with my useless husband

16 replies

emms1981 · 11/05/2014 16:48

I've been married for 8 years, have 2 sons but don't know how much more I can stand of my husband.

I could sit and make a list of all the things that annoy me but I would be sat here all day.
He's unrealiable he gets a job and can't stick at it starts off ok but give it a few weeks months if lucky and he starts turning up late phoning in sick or coming home moody.
He's always late, my dad has lots of hospital trips and sometimes if for e.g my dad has eye drops and can't get bus will ask DH if he can pick him up but my husband is late and let's him down too,

He's awful with money had none when we married but I had some savings thinks nothing of for e.g writing a car off and "just getting another"
he's done things behind my back I won't go into but its cost us dearly money wise.
He loves the boys but doesn't do anything for them, won't take them out, once a week I try to take them to a soft play area and I've given up asking him to come because he sits there with a long face saying he's tired.
I've thought many times of leaving because I feel like a single mother with a lodger as it is but I don't know where to start, I have even opened a bank account he doesn't know about and been putting small amounts of money in.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 11/05/2014 16:53

Have you talked to him about all this? What was his response?

RandomMess · 11/05/2014 16:54

You start with working out where you will live. Do you rent, do you work?

Thurlow · 11/05/2014 16:58

That's a really good start. Have you checked how much you'll get financially if you are on your own? Do you family and friends who can help?

Though yes, what does he say when you tell him you need a reliable income, or more help around the house, or more interaction with the kids?

emms1981 · 11/05/2014 17:20

My normal reaction is to just break down say how fed up with him I am and sometimes I say I don't think I love you anymore but he sits there looking at me blankly, I stay out his way and then he will say "darling" and just act as if nothing has happened. My only family really is my dad and he lives an hours drive away (I don't drive) or 2 bus rides away

Some times I'm tempted to move in with my dad but I would have to move schools and there isn't much room also I don't like to upset my dad because he has enough on his plate.

I'm at my dads now and I asked DH to pick up a micowave in town for my dad from tesco and bring over he said yes that's fine so I got the old one out and cleaned the side for my dad then he phones me and says sorry I got there at 3.45 and they wouldn't let me in, he knows very well that they wouldn't we have both worked in retail.
I don't work now gave up my job when he got last full time job and I really miss it but he was useless looking after the boys when I was working, I would come home at 7 and have to start again.

OP posts:
antimatter · 11/05/2014 17:25

How old are your sons?
Maybe as they go to school you can stop being dependent on your H?
Sometimes you just have to move on and deal with consequences as they arise.
Did you ask your dad if it was OK to move in with him for a while whilst you sort out your life?

abbykins3 · 11/05/2014 17:35

It sounds like you are putting things in place to end your marriage,it also sounds like you have every reason to.

RugbyMumof4 · 11/05/2014 17:44

Why did you marry such a loser ?

expatinscotland · 11/05/2014 17:49

He is a lazy slug.

pinkyredrose · 11/05/2014 18:51

Your heart isn't in this marriage is it. It sounds such a drudge being married to this guy, like you've got 3 DC not 2.

He sounds incredibly immature. Was he always like this? I've noticed some men regress after the honeymoon period has worn off almost as though they think they've got a live in housekeeper and can act 14 again.

pinkyredrose · 11/05/2014 18:57

Your heart isn't in this marriage is it. It sounds such a drudge being married to this guy, like you've got 3 DC not 2.

He sounds incredibly immature. Was he always like this? I've noticed some men regress after the honeymoon period has worn off almost as though they think they've got a live in housekeeper and can act 14 again.

Motherinlawsdung · 11/05/2014 19:20

Get out now. It will only get worse, to the point where it's too late and you can never escape.

LuluJakey1 · 11/05/2014 19:25

Oh Emms, he is not in this relationship. He just is not trying. He's not on your team. And he tells you fibs. He does not even want to provide the best he can for you all. Life would probably be so much easier without him. You and DCs deserve more than this.

RedRoom · 11/05/2014 19:31

I can only go on what you are telling us here, but it seems he's not really a husband in any sense except legally. There's no support, no shared goals, no unity, no effort for his children or in-laws. He may love his children, but really, being a good father would involve him being less selfish and lazy because he can't even be bothered to take his children out.

I wouldn't want to be married to him either. He doesn't deserve a wife because he sounds too immature and selfish to be in any sort of partnership.

The worst thing is that he looks blank and has nothing to say when you tell him you are unhappy. There isn't much you can do with faced with that.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 11/05/2014 19:41

He's unreliable and selfish, and can't even be arsed to pretend to have any interest in the children you share. These are not sterling qualities in a husband but can be used to describe some teenagers. I think that's what he is. He probably thought that getting married would be just like being a single teen but with far more sex on tap and someone to do his laundry instead of his Mum.

If you've really thrown in the towel then getting some secret money set aside is the most sensible thing for you to have done.

It might be less stressful and painful for you to focus on the practicalities like sorting out somewhere for you and the kids to live. I know you're reluctant to move the kids from their current school but that's not really the worst thing that could happen. Kids adapt. Kids adapt and do well, most especially when their primary care-giver is secure, happy and away from a mountain of shite.

Deathraystare · 11/05/2014 19:44

Christ this is depressing. So many posts about useless husbands. If they were all put end to end I wonder how many times they would go around the world???!

emms1981 · 11/05/2014 21:58

I think the problem is I never had a bf at school, nobody really looked twice at me and when he came along I prob thought nobody else would want me.
I'm not attractive, I was mostly called a monkey at school :(

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