Bl***y MIL- time for a rant!

[Paula71]

Sometimes I wish DH was an orphan. A horrible thing to say but MIL and FIL and especially SIL are pains in the you-know-where.

The latest fiasco has DH not speaking to SIL or MIL! This is what happened. Just to fill you in before I go off on one - we barely contact the PIL or SIL and they have no interest in our ds twins. SIL has a son she lets MIL "babysit" 24/7 and he is the centre of their universe (I feel so sorry for the poor lad.)

Saturday we receive a call from SIL, MIL blacked out (probably from drink) and may have broken her arm. SIL tells DH he needs to phone in sick from work, drive to the other side of the country to chauffeur them into the hospital. DH refuses, tells them to get a taxi or the bus. Big major fight, she hangs up. MIL spends the day "babysitting" nephew so SIL can get some rest. A family friend takes them into one of Glasgow's busiest A&E dept. - on a Saturday night!

Next day SIL phones again. Tells DH to get his priorities right - in her world they should be them, his job and then us (me and ds twins.) Another big fight. DH phones MIL who has to go back to hospital this morning. She won't take a bus or a taxi and wants him to take her in. DH can't so organises transport. He phoned this afternoon to find out how it went only MIL says she is too ill and couldn't go to hospital! Both PIL were drunk - as usual.

I feel so sorry for DH but what can I do? I try to stay out of it but when SIL tells him to prioritise- how is that supposed to make me feel? I would love to have a good long talk with her but she has always been allowed to do as she likes and control everyone. We only hear from her when she wants something or when she has told someone that DH will do them a favour! We never hear from PIL, they don't even ask about ds twins!

Should he have taken her in or stood his ground?

Rant over!

As a single mum, I generally stay out of mother in law threads, but it seems there's not many people around so I thought I would share my wisdom!

FWIW, I think if you are gaining nothing but heartache from the situation, then perhaps it's time to step away. Would your dh be prepared to break contact with his parents?

He did right by standing his ground, but take it from someone who has experience of crazy mil, if you get involved you will become the sole focus of their anger and hatred. Nothing good will come out of it. The best thing is to just keep them as far away as you can. I'm so sorry you are in this position. Fwiw, now my mil has been shut out of our lives we are much happier, and a great tension has been lifted. Dh no longer goes around in a feeling of perpetual guilt and failure.
Hugs to you

Gosh, I thought my PIL were a pain in the butt. I think you're better off out of this one. Surely they can't be so far away from an A&E that they need their son to take time off work just to deliver pi**ed up mum to hospital - IMO it's just condoning this ridiculous behaviour.

Most definitely should not have taken her in, and they all sound completely deranged. Full credit to your dh that he keeps some sort of contact going with them - nobody could blame him for wanting nothing to do with them

He definately did the right thing by standing his ground. They're trying to treat him like a doormat.

You and your children need to be his first priority. It must be so hard for him, and you, being pulled in so many directions at the same time.

Stood his ground. Definitely, and Lou and sobernow are right. Sympathy.

ppose your SIL could be feeling a bit overwhelmed by having to take all the responsibility and the worry for PIL on her own. It must be hard when one sibling lives close and the others are miles away. You say they babysit 24/7 for DS's son - maybe that's what keeps them going.

Sorry - that should be "I suppose"

Oh....one of those MIL.......loads of sympathy as I've got one like that too.

He did right standing firm. The problem is that if he gives in once they will expect it time and again as by the sounds of it this is not the first time. Personally I'd be more worried about your nephew caught in the thick of this. The adults are at least responsible for their own actions and between them presumably muddle through somehow. Does SIL have a partner your dh could talk to to assess the true situation ?

I agree he did the right thing. He organised transport so did not shirk any responsibility - and as it turns out he was right as if she was "too ill" to go into hospital he would have had a wasted journey.

SIL sounds like a spoilt pain in the arse. Does your dh get anything positive out of the relationship with them? If not then he needs to remember that you can't choose your family and if they are making your life a misery it may be better to sever contact.

agree with evryone else, dh did the right thing. If sil was so worried why did she then go on to leave her ds with mil so she could have rest? selfish imo

fio2 in the past we have gone round there to take nephew from MIL as she is often drunk when caring for him, it is why we moved away. Unlike most grandparent babysitting situations SIL goes AWOL after work, to friends, shopping, whatever!

DH tries to break contact but they always come up with a guilt trip to reel him back in. Believe me I stay well out of it as I know they are just waiting to paint me as the horrid DIL! Their oldest son has no contact with them. DH spent part of his teenage years with an aunt and uncle who I want him to be more involved with. It is just they all stay in the same town and when we visit the aunt they phone up all abusive!

I am so so so very glad I have "normal" parents!

Thanks for all your positive replies, I thought there would be some sticking up for them. Oh and an update. DH organised patient transport to take MIL to hospital on Monday - when he phoned to find out how it went it turns out she couldn't go because she "wasn't feeling well" and complained that the hospital didn't give her any paracetemol. I tell you, they should have been born with servants!

Paula71 - I am SOOO in your situation ... PILs are both alcoholics - and as a result are too pissed to take responsibility of their own actions. Every so often they contact DH and give him a load of verbal - it's usually my fault as I am "denying them access" to our kids .... it's actually DH's choice.
I haven't spoken to MIl for 18 months and feel totally liberated - with no guilt having made that choice .... one of the last times I had contact with her - she fell in our loo and I had to pull her knickers up ( p'raps that's too much information )

The thing that worries me though - is how do I support DH without sounding malicious and vindictive against his parents? I just want him to know that he doesn't deserve such a horrid dysfunctional family .... the rest of them are just as bad .... but it's hard to sound rational without sounding "holier than thou"

Hugs to you

I can't help but agree that Paula71's DH very much as his priorities right just as they are.

Isn't it amazing when wonderful sane people can come out of such crazy situations? I keep looking at my niece and wondering how... SIL is bipolar, alcoholic, the craziest person I know (honest). 17yo niece is sane, steady, tried drugs but didn't like 'em, I just do not know how she turned out that way.

Lordy Crystaltips I am glad that has never happened! Like you I get blamed for them never seeing ds twins, it is DH's choice.

Last year FIL was told if he kept drinking he would be dead pretty quickly. DH was of the opinion the sooner the better. How awful! It is that pull of parent and child that keeps him from totally cutting himself free. I think this may have tipped the balance, for his sake I hope so.

Thanks for all the support everyone. I now have to pluck up the courage to tell DH this post exists. He is utterly ashamed of his family but I will show him this!