Need advice for my friend about access

[Innocentbystander01]

We have a very close family friend who has been a single parent for about 3-4 months now.
He became a single parent when his partner went to work and didn't come home and sent him a text saying that she had left him and would be in touch about their little boy. Another text message later sent said that she was moving in with someone else she had met and fallen for.
Obviously the first month was a nightmare we went in on the first night and basically picked him up off the floor during the first week she took the little boy and didn't fetch him back for a week. There was also two reports to ss which turned out to be malicious the report states he is a happy intelligent settled little boy. During the ss visit the mum didn't turn up as was requested and instead spoke to the sw on the phone and said she wanted the dad to be the main carer as she worked full time during the week and he was settled in nursery. Also the dad has always been a sahd while she worked and the mum for up to a year before she left would often vanish for days at a time or take their son out and come back totally drunk. Also when the dad was at college 2 days a week the mum would have to do nursery runs and would often be late or just not take him which was also flagged by ss. Since the dad has taken over all nursery runs he hasn't been late once.

Things have been going well until Friday when the mums partner turned up to pick the lo up and said we are going to have to make some changes the mum has got a new job so now wants him all week and the dad to have weekend access. They live on the other side if the city so this would mean a massive change and new school. He is obviously devastated and doesn't know all his rights. So I said I would look for advice here.

The main points are;

He has always since birth been the sahd and main carer

The mum told sw she was happy for the situation to continue as it was

When mum has him she often spends the day in pubs or getting drunk and then won't get out of bed the next morning.

Nursery have said he's thriving since the split and is much happier now he

So what can he do? It seems very unfair that she can just decided what's what does he have any rights?

Sorry it's a bit jumbled was rushing on a small keyboard.

The ss report was malicious but the sw made a report saying they had no concerns and he was a happy little boy.

Does she now have the little boy with her?

I'm afraid that it isn't going to be possible to sort it out reasonably. What he needs to do is the next time he has the boy at his, keep him, get an emergency residence order and tell the mum to go to court.

It's likely that he will then get permanent residence, or at WORST, 50/50. It doesn't sound -especially with the SS involvement - that she will get what she wants.

The worst thing he can do is play nicely and let her keep him until it comes to court, as the status quo will then be that the boy is settled with her.

It seems clearly in the boys best interests to stay with dad most of the time. If he wants this to happen, he needs to act quickly.

If he still has the little boy with him, afraid he simply needs to tell her to go to court as he intends to keep residence.

Assuming he has PR then, no, his ex can't just dictate what will happen. He is actually in a very strong position. His ex left him and left the child with him. His ex has been happy with him being the primary carer. She cannot just unilaterally decide that everything's going to change and move the boy to a new school.

But he does need to act fast. He should call [[http://www.fnf.org.uk Families Need Fathers and ask for their advice. If his son is still at his mothers then he needs to get the ball rolling soon to avoid this new arrangement from being seen as the default. He should also seriously consider seeing a solicitor.

If he hasn't got them already he should also apply to the local social services for copies of all the documentation and notes they hold on him and his son.

The most important thing is just to get him back ASAP. On any pretext. His habitual residence is currently with his dad - once he's back, he can refuse to let mum take him until court is settled. And when it comes to court, the status quo will be that he is currently at home, where he's always been, with the person who has always been primary carer. Court will be reluctant to change that.

What kind of parent sends their new lover to collect their child and then he starts dictating terms on the doorstep?

A bad and manipulative one, I reckon. I daresay she doesn't give one shit about their little boy and his feelings, he's just a means to an end.

I wouldn't agree their son being taken anywhere by anyone ever again. If she wants contact then she'll need to do it via the courts. She's deluded if she thinks she can play happy families with the new bloke. Drunken, neglectful and manipulative bitch.

Does the father have any evidence of her drunkenness? Any witnesses to her behaviour?

Thanks for replies. He hasn't been to court he thought they would do it amicably and that seems to work until they decide they want to play games. He said he is going to find a solicitor tomorrow.
Her whole family supports the little boy staying with the dad he is safe with him and not sat in a pub all day.
I've mentioned him stopping access until he has pr but he seems reluctant to rock the boat in anyway.
I know it probably isn't of relevance but the new partner is a woman (much older) and is ill with some sort of stomach complaint they have already cancelled their weekend access with the message that the new partner is too ill to have a lo around that weekend.
I just want to help as I love the little boy too and would worry about him constantly. Thanks for the help.

Do you mean he doesn't have parental responsibility? How come? Most parents do, if they are on the birth certificate.

Sorry I didn't mean pr he is on the birth certificate and has lived with his son since his birth.
I meant residence order.