I don't think he's very nice to me

[Wheretheresawill1]

Met a man in work, we sort of dated for a couple of months last year but for the past 8 months we are 'friends' but very much on his terms. I don't think he's very nice to me but I'm struggling to hold firm and tell him to do one- this totally frustrates me as I recognise he's ea but sometimes think maybe it's me being overly sensitive. Every time I tell him to go away he takes no notice.
Amongst other things he makes snide comments about my weight- he knows I put on a lot of weight with medication and he knows I find it hurtful as we have had so many arguments about this.
He follows me around- so much so that people refer to him as my 'stalker' yet he doesn't want me.
He's very passive aggressive and very good at the silent treatment, if I say I'm unhappy he takes more and more things off me- it feels like punishment so that now I'm scared to say I'm unhappy as I always lose out more
He makes reference to there maybe other women in my workplace that he has liaisons with
He told some serious lies right at the beginning of the relationship about things he had no reason to lie about and when asked why he had done it he told me it was none of my business
He's very secretive and struggles with intimacy and commitment in all areas of his life
He's very intense but on his terms only and there's something about him that makes me nervous- he has a dark edge; is rough sexually; has a poor attitude to women- some of which appears cultural and he lost his temper with me once but didn't hit me. He makes reference that I would probably enjoy a bit of violence.
He always tries to make out he's gonna leave- disappear but never does which makes me anxious. At the moment he refuses any telephone contact texts calls etc but still hangs around me which makes me really confused.
He can be cruel - flirtatious and when I take the bait he tells me 'it's ok I don't want to go there again'.
In summary writing this down helps, I think I know what's going on here but feel like I'm in a spin and find I'm up and down with him- he then accuses me of blowing hot and cold and being emotionally unstable. He works in psychiatry.

He's a trainee, he tends to arrive an hr b4 he's due to go home, I work shifts. No excuse really

Tbh it doesn't surprise me in the least that he's a psychiatrist, they are as a general rule the most unpleasant, emotionally unintelligent, power-crazed, narcissistic and misogynistic bunch I've ever had the misfortune to work alongside! (But then I'm a lovely, warm, fuzzy counsellor )

He's right about one thing though, you do have crap boundaries! You're allowing him to treat you however he likes. So what if he threatens to 'leave'?! Leave what exactly, the room? The job? The uk? So let him!

You need to tell your line mgr or someone senior what is going on. He is harassing you and it's completely unacceptable. Be honest that you slept with him (unless your workplace has strict policies that will mean you get in trouble) and that now the relationship has ended that he won't leave you alone, that he comes in early/stays late to bother you, distracts you from your work, makes comments about your weight/sexual comments which are unacceptable.

At the very least someone should have a word with him, and this may be enough to get him to stop and back off. You need to stop feeding him, just ignore him totally. If he turns up at your desk say 'I've got work to do, please go away' or some such. You need to be firm and consistent. Use the broken record technique.

And if that all sounds completely impossible because you feel you can't or you don't want to upset him then think about getting yourself some therapy as you may need some professional help with moving on from your past unhealthy relationships and learning to set better boundaries/developing more self-respect.

Good luck! X

His behaviour at work is just straightforward harassment OP. You need to report him, partly to protect yourself, and partly because his problematic behaviour needs to be highlighted. He's obsessive, abusive and possibly unstable, in your position I would feel obliged to detail my concerns to his supervisors.