How to have the confidence to get respect...

[eyebrowsstillfurrowed]

I think the start of a new relationship is blossoming with a wonderful, wonderful man.

We spent last night together and it felt like heaven, so safe and so warm!

Only, I am nervous of making pitfalls I've made before and giving too much of myself too quickly... Maybe I already have? Oh god...

Sometimes I feel really unlovelable as a slightly overweight single parent and I'm wary that I try to please too much to make up for it.

Please calm me down!

In a phrase 'fake it until you make it'. Decide what type of person you want to be - confident, loveable, etc - and outwardly be that person. Whatever's going on inside you, whatever insecurities you have, no-one really knows about. It's the person they see and hear and the image you present that they respond to. Eventually, you will be that person.

At the same time, maintain some distance and independence. Keep up with your friends, develop your skills, explore your interests etc. If opportunities come up, take them rather than second-guessing other people's reactions. Confidence comes from the security of being in control of your own life, whether there is a partner in it or not. You are already 'safe' in other words.

Thanks Cog :)

That's good advice and I've been doing those things since getting rid of horrid ex last August, holding onto the hope that he would sort his shit out and we would get back together (he was with someone else after 3 weeks I later found out and definitely does not plan on sorting any shit out).

In that time I've started going to a local choir and opened my own business and am looking after my little one so have lots to keep me occupied but I can't help myself!

I know I have to hold it together but I'm just getting so excited like a bloody school girl! If he could see what's going on inside he'd run a mile!

I just read your post again. That's all I need. Thanks x

Nothing at all wrong with being excited about someone new. It's a lovely feeling and you're very lucky, but you do have to rein it in if you know that you tend to go a little OTT... :) From my own experience the most ardent admirer I ever had was the one I really couldn't be bothered with. The more I ignored him, the more attentive he became! Now that was an eye-opener. Annoying, but an eye-opener. Really not suggesting you go the 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' route, just find a happy medium. Glad you have choirs and businesses etc. Sounds like a good balance.

Don't do any domestic tasks in the throes of lust. When the lust burns away, you'll be left doing the chores and it'll be too late to say that's not how you want it.

Act cool, be cool. Keep busy.

Enjoy this stage, it's fab! But don't waste your power. You'll never have this much power in the relationship again.

I've had the same thing with the one I didn't like in that way. The human condition is so bent sometimes...

Haha also good advice Zappa :) I've never thought about it like that. This stage really does set the tone. I definitely don't want to get stuck doing house work!

Oh god, It's just too good to be true! I know you guys said play it cool but he came over again last night and fixed my car and had dinner and we watched a film. I didn't know there were any gentlemen left in the world?

I really am trying to stop obsessing over him though !