Sorry this might be long. I have a baby and toddler with my partner. I no longer love him because of the following:
he had an affair pre DC which I take some of the blame for as the pill had killed my libido for years (although I did not realise this until I stopped taking the pill).
We had DC1 unplanned, he never did anything with her and called me lazy and to get a job when she was 9 months old. I went out and got a job, even though we did not need the money.
We talked about a brother or sister for DC1. Because of a difficult birth I would have to have a C-section. He said he would support me and help me. We had DC2, after he picked me up from the hospital he went to sleep and left me to look after both DC as he was 'tired' from looking after DC1. He did not make me any food, any drinks, did minimal house work, didn't do anything with the DC. I was in pain, breastfeeding, and started bleeding again every time it stopped. He didn't bother to empty bins or do laundry so after a week I had to do it as flies were coming in :(
Since then he has done NOTHING with either DC or no housework. He is a complete workaholic, and has started hinting at me getting another job too so we can have exotic holidays, better car etc. We already have a nice car and nice holidays.
He is rude to me, talks to me like a peace of rubbish.
I left him on his own with baby so I could take toddler to the potty and came back and baby was playing with a plastic bag while he was texting on his phone. Left him with toddler while I went to the shop came through the door to hear toddler shouting potty, he said in a minute, by the time I made myself present it was too late he was still on the phone and toddler had an accident, then got shouted at by dad for having an accident! He fell asleep holding baby when I had a bath after c section and made him hold baby (he had a lie in that day and was on paternity leave so not sure why he was tired, he treated paternity leave like a holiday), he works nights and wanted to drive with them in the car after no sleep. He has no sense of safety what so ever.
I do not love him and want to leave him but feel trapped as if I leave he will have access to DC and I would worry they would not survive! Not just that he doesn't do things my way, he lacks common sense and sense of safety. He is good at his job though so is not stupid, it is like he is lazy with the DC.
What can I do?? I cannot live like this much longer but cannot see any alternative. I am sitting here in tears I am so fed up and cannot see a way out.