Overbearing In-Laws... Or Overprotective Father?

[FiniteJames]

Hi All,

To start, I'm new here but it seems really great, I look forward to spending some time on here. On to the matter at hand...

So a little bit of back story to explain the situation: Since I met my partner I've changed my surname, for various reasons but primarily because it shouldn't have been my surname anyway (father's step-dad's) and I don't like the person it came from or the name.
My new name is essentially plucked from my imagination as I don't know what my real grandfather's name is, but as far as I'm concerned it's my new surname, I love it and it means a lot to me. Seems reasonable to me.

Now the problem: Yesterday my partner received a phone call from her Dad during which they discussed various things including what my soon to be born baby girls surname will be (we aren't married). My partner and I had already roughly agreed she would have my surname as my partner will also take it as we plan to get married. Her father however doesn't like the fact that my new surname 'doesn't mean anything' and thinks my daughter should have his surname (also my partners suname) as it means something. I should mention that I get on very well with her family, we frequently spend time together etc.

So please tell me if I'm overreacting, but I find this quite offensive. My new name DOES mean something to me and to MY family (i.e. my partner, child and I). This is compounding by the fact that my partner's parents still treat her like a child at times, mostly only trying to help, but I'm trying to build an independant life for us and sometimes it feels like they do more damage than good. My partner is now questioning which surname our daughter should have, and even suggesting that I take her name if/when we marry.

I guess what I'm asking is; is it unreasonable for me to be pretty angry about this?

Thanks in advance,
James

So I proposed... she said no :-/

Only joking :-D

I did casually bring it up however and have discovered that she would like a bigger wedding.
So... I'm think I'm gonna propose when our daughter is born and possibly get married this autumn :-)

Is it ok to propose shortly after labour or is that a bad idea?

I would propose before the birth tbh when it can be about just you and her for a while.

That is so sweet, I hope you will both be very happy. I like the idea of all three of you having a unique and totally 'yours' name.

One of my friends changed her name. She had a maiden name (her mothers maiden name), married twice and took her DHs name both times.

After her second marriage broke up she didn't know what name to go back to - she was NC with her abusive mother, she'd never met her father, she didn't want to take her 1st DHs name back and she didn't want to keep her 2nd DHs name.

She knew her bio fathers name (or at least the one she thinks is her father), so what she did was take that name and add 'Fitz' to it, like Fitzgerald (Fitz meaning 'bastard child of).

She's made it her own. Turned something crap into something good. It suits her and is entirely 'hers'. She's already said that if she were we'd to get married again (unlikely) she wouldn't change her name - because it's the only thing that is hers and hers alone.

I think it's great

Go for the wedding you and DP want. Big is not necessarily beautiful, what matters is that you want to be together and make a commitment to each other. that is much more important than 20 matching bridesmaids, bows around chairs etc.
The name: that's up to you and DP to decide. Just like your DD's first name is up to you both and nobody else.
Good luck with all these exciting changes in your life!