Quick Question on whether I am reading too much into online dating guy

[paranoidperhaps1]

After being betrayed last year XP who I loved and trusted (who I found was on an online dating site behind my back) I am entering into dating again perhaps paranoid or perhaps with my eyes open. Not sure which!

I have met a guy I really like on POF. He lives 1.5 hours from me actually but we just liked each other and he has been making an effort to drive up to me. It's been only going on 3 weeks or so but there seems to be "fireworks" going on.

On the upside:

1. He calls every day
2. He visits when he can, sometimes goes out of his way.
3. He has told his family about me
4. He has friended me on FB and he has been grilled by my friends and coped well with it (all very jokey)
5. He has invited me in a couple of weeks to his friends 40th.
6. He says nice things - seems besotted and actually quite self effacing.

On the downside:

This might seem silly, but he is VERY good looking and I went onto POF today to close my account and noticed he'd been on there the day before, then as I was on there he logged in again. Do you think this means he is a player or is it just too soon to expect him to stop chatting to others?

I recognise that past experiences might have made me paranoid, but I was so trusting before that I wish I'd not been.

Am I reading far too much into it?

Ask him! Maybe he was just being nosey, doesn't mean he's a player, and eh, maybe he was doing the same as you?

I can't ask him because when I have been on POF I have had men I had only been chatting a bit to ask me the same line of questioning and I remember feeling really put off!

I really like this one. Trying to play it a bit cool!

Maybe he was simply going on to close his account ;)

Although you aren't exclusive, it would be offputting to see him online.

When me and my partner met on a date, neither of us bothered with POF. We kinda knew we were dating. I only date one person at a time but some people will happily "date" several at a time before deciding who to go exclusive with. I would ask him, or just ask if he still goes on there. See what he says, you will then also discover if he is prone to telling little white lies

I am going to make myself sound like a bunny boiler here, but I have a "fake" POF account that I set up to catch my ex out.

So I deleted my real account today but still have the fake one. I told the new man I deleted my account today and he said he was going to delete his. He already asked me to be exclusive with him, so am I a complete nutcase if I check with the fake account if he carries on going on there?

I know sometimes it can be reflex to just check and read messages when you get them. Especially as he is off work with an injury right now.

I don't want to turn into one of those crazy women checking phones and stuff but I got so badly burned before...

Had you seen him on there before or after he said he saw your relationship as an exclusive one?

No don't do that. If he's gonna cheat he will, nothing you do will stop that. Just step away from the internet and enjoy it, what will be will be!

I agree with jacey, you checking on him isn't going to stop him doing anything . 3 weeks is still early one and it could be he has friendships on there built up before he met you.

I go on pof/tinder when I'm bored just to look. I have no intention of arranging any dates with anyone else. However if I get messages I will reply out of curtesy.

Can you not talk about crazy women? You know what? I have yet to come across a woman IRL or on here who didn't have damn good reason to be checking.
You've done nothing wrong - you're realistic from your cheating arsehole ex, it's early days, and guess what - he was on there.
I actually don't advocate a fake account cos it's no fun for YOU.
Tell him - you've closed your account, you'd like him to do the same. This guy should be happy to. If he's not - you hold out for better. If he's into you, being told you're prepared to jointly stop pof should make him HAPPY.
There's nothing wrong with dating several at a time if you both want to and know that's where you are.
But you're not - you want exclusivity, he says he does too.
Just ask him what exclusivity means to him - does it mean no more pof? If not, bin him.
Do not worry about scaring him off. If you're into someone, being offered exclusivity is fab. Keep in my mind that's what you're doing - offering him something good. But expect good back.

Yes he was on there after we said we were exclusive.

I do think Jacey is right though, I feel like I am becoming someone else here! Dont want to tarnish all relationships with the ex's brush? Unless he gives me a reason...