Relate info needed

[flowertot]

Have first session with Relate tomorrow. Can anyone tell me what to expect on this session? I am naturally quite worked up about it

hi flowertot, me and dh just started relate 2 weeks ago. The first session was fine, she was just trying to find out what our main problems were, how long we had been together, how we got together etc etc.
2nd week was a disaster, we spent the whole hour bickering and continued into the night

Saying that, even in 2 weeks things have improved greatly, and dh even said sorry today for something we had argued about this morning (this was previously unheard of)

good luck, let me know how you get on

I know you've probaly looked on their site but here it is just incase relate

Hope it goes well for you hun

Thanks mosschops. I will be on to tell you how it goes tomorrow. It would be really good to be able to report in a bit and share. Got good support in RL but sometimes easier when people don't know you or the situation isn't it. Just hope it helps. Will go tomorrow armed with all I want to say, but also don't want to spend the time just slagging him off as that is so negative. Though that is how I feel at the mo! Do they see you separatley as well or just together? And is it an hour? To be honest I feel quite lucky have got DH to go at all so determined to make the most of it

I haven't ulysses. How stupid of me didn't even think. Many thanks am off there now

I bought a book recommended on there which is very good.

You're not stupid at all....just not so addicted to the net as me probably

xxx

yes I know what you mean, I have asked dh for months to go, but ultimately it was his idea as I think he knew I had given up on us.
Ours lasts for 50 minutes.
We have our appointment on Tuesdays too, so if you wanna check in we can laugh (or cry ) about how our nights went

It was hard. So very hard. DH is living away from home at the moment so first time I had seen him in 2 weeks. I tried to be very open honest and positive but he is resentful angry and defensive still. Made it very hard.
It was only the first one so will be allocated a counsellor and then have a regular slot. Don't know what to hope for. He cannot talk to me civilly at the moment and it is all my fault apparently so it is quite stressful. Hope yours went better this week Mosschops!

Hi just started with relate, (sex therapy.)
First session was with both of us to discuss what the issue is. then we were seen seperatly so the counsellor could take history - took 2 hour sessions each.
Then we met last week together and counsellor told us what he thought the issue was- somethings we agreed with him, others we did not, and he gave us homework to do!
Meeting again next week, but I think it will be a long drawn out process. Good luck with it though x

flowertot, sorry it wasnt great, but hey thats why you're going. Ours was better this week, apparently we have made some good progress and next week she is making us a plan of how to argue and make up within an 1.5 hour timeslot

liilymolly, that sounds very in-depth, not sure I would want someone telling me what they think the issues are, although maybe thats a good thing.

Hope we can all keep on supporting each other through this trauma

As you say thats why we are going and I am sure like you, in time things will pick up. There is still a lot of healing of past wounds but I am sure if we are both determined we can improve things at least. Got to stay optimistic. Am looking forward to having things to do or focus on each week like you mc.

{{{{hugs}}}}} for you all

I haven't told dh I want to split yet..ours is sex related too lilly. I will go for counselling with him if he says he'll go but I've been with him for so many years and he hasn't made any effort to change...it's all been on my part. Think it's made me bitter tbh.

We don't argue... you have to have some passion in your relationship to do that

Hope it goes well for you all xxxx

Ulysees hope it all works out. If its any help, dh is the most unlikely person ever to go to relate and ask for help. However it took for me to reach breaking point and almost to the fact that I was resigned to us splitting and not loving him anymore before he suggested it (and paid for it). Thankfully we have managed to pull things back and are now spending romantic weekends together, communicating more etc.

Good luck to all of us on this thread

Glad it's getting better for you mosschops

Dh is a perfect husband and dad it's just he's repressed about sex. I really don't fancy him anymore tbh He's like a brother to me now. You never know though once he knows how serious I am he may make some effort and it may help? I know no matter what we'll always be close as we have so much in common.

mosschops that is lovely to hear and gives hope to us all!

How has everyones sessions gone this week. Mine last night was awful we argued in the car on the way there (good start) and for the duration of the session.
Dont think our counsellor really knows where to go with us, she said we are very good at arguing

hope you are all getting on ok

Just come out of ours. Dreadful. According to him: 'Everything is my fault, he is Mr 100% Perfect, he gets no attention, no support, I am not understanding enough of all his needs and of how hard his life is. The issues I have are all in my mind, its because I am depressed, nothing is actually true.' The counsellor can obviously see all this but she's probably wondering why I even want to make it work when he is so arrogant! I am wondering too. If it wasn't for children would walk away right now. Don't know if there is really any point continuing though as he doesn't listen, he disagrees constantly with the poor counsellor and thinks he just knows everything.