Having a really rubbish weekend - need to talk

[Jazzi]

Sorry everyone but I don't really know where else to turn. Things have been bad between dp and myself for a long time. This weekend we have all been at home and alot of the old arguments have come up. Our eldest ds (3.5)gets very upset by this and his behaviour has been appalling. This adds to the tension and I am finding it really hard dealing with my ds. Ds is not going to bed at night so we cannot get any time to discuss things. I do want to sort things out even if it is how we are going to split, but it is just not possible. Another problem is my work. I am a lecturer at a university miles away and I travel down during term time on a Monday and come back Tuesday. Over the summer I get about 4 months off but am supposed to be working from home - but I am made to feel REALLY guilty by all dp's family about going away and leaving my ds's even for a night. I am going to have to go back soon, and I know things are just going to get worse. What can I do??? I haven't done any work because the children have been at home, and I am getting really stressed about my workload. Dp is really unsupportive of my job, and doesn't understand the responsibility I have, I try and talk to him, but he can never truly understand what I am doing - he is a farmer!!! I just feel trapped and really unhappy. I am on AD which have helped a bit. But I just feel like sh*t. ANd to top it all off I have a really painful lump on my arm which is throbbing like mad and I don't know what it is!!! Sorry about the moan, any advice anyone, or just to give me a kick up the bum????

no idea.
try locking the door, with a bottle of wine in hand and informing your dp that he has to settle your ds as you feel like having a nervous breakdown.
then worry about the rest later on.

Thanks chocy - problem is I don't drink, dp makes up for me, but that is another story!!!

oh dear well i'm out of ideas then.
anyone?

Jazzi, bank holiday weekends are stressful for a lot of us with children and I think bring out the worst if there is any problem (we had the weekend from hell in May!). I would seriously try and get an early night (even if you lie down with DS, have a cuddle and listen to some music or something till he is tired) and take some painkillers, book a doctor's appointment for your arm and try and get some time alone - even an hour or two - in the next couple of days to try and work out what it is that YOU want before you have the conversation with DP. Sounds like there's so much going on you can't even figure out what to deal with first and being in pain definitely is something you need to deal with first.

Sorry you are having a crap time.

Can you get extra childcare help? Could you work a day at the uni in your office to get on top of your work - working from home sometimes isn't ideal.

Thanks chocy - think this is one I will have to work out for myself!!!

So he's back from his mother's is he, Jazzi? What a welcome relief - not.

I'm afraid I simply do not buy "being a farmer" as an excuse for not understanding the pressures of your job. It's not like being a farmer entails no pressure of its own, he simply chooses not to understand anything about your life, because it might involve him being less of a selfish arse than he currently is. (I write this on the off-chance that Mr Jazzi is still checking MN now and then to see what we 'old boilers' have to say about him).

Leaving your kids for one night a week when they have (theoretically) their dad there is not bad AT ALL - most blokes would not even hesitate before doing it. Of COURSE his family give you grief, they are insane, as has been demonstrated in the past.

I think best not to plan how you can discuss things in the evening, when things are so difficult. Can your 'helpful' MIL take the little ones, even for an hour, during the day?

All sympathies to you, you are perfectly justified in needing time to do your work.

Yes he is back from his mothers, I think it was better when he was there tbh. Thanks all for your kind words - just need a good night sleep, hopefully things will seem better tomorrow. At least things are back to normal - dp is back at work!!