60th party for mil, have funded it jointly with sil but are NOT being involved in any planning; would you be annoyed?

[Sunnysideup]

sil had the idea that for mil's 50th birthday in October we would throw a surprise party for her; we would have to provide £250 each for the do. She gave us loads of notice about the money, no problem with that; when we had the money and I handed over the cheque a few months ago, I said to her that we really didn't want to just stump up cash, we wanted to be involved in the planning and the ideas.

Of course this has not happened (sil is the ULTIMATE control freak so I had my concerns!) I have asked her numerous times only to be told "I haven't really started doing anything yet". Now I hear from her that ALL is booked, the venue, the entertainment, the catering and she even handed me an invitation!

Would this annoy you or am I petty? I do understand it's her mum and they ARE very close, so I do understand that she is the lynchpin of the thing really and rightly so; and dh is not close to his mum; but he is still her son! Having written this down it's clear she doesn't want us involved, I guess it's not worth fighting that. Perhaps DH and I need to just do some things off our own bat for mil and give up on this party as a lost cause.

At dh's step-dad's 50th she gave a speech without informing or involving dh!

yes I'd give it up gracefully

but I might be tempted to give an impromptu speech or toast at the party

Just be pleased that for 250 quid you got your very own party planner and your share of the party.

Apart from making sure that any thanks for organising it is jointly made (as you paid for half and offered to help organise multiple time) I think you should just relax and enjoy it.

And having paid the money - no I don't think you should do anything off your own bat for you mil. You have jointly provided her with a party.

I'd be relieved not to have had to have done any organising tbh. And she's close and your dh isn't so give in gracefully, I think that's what I'd do.

thanks guys. having it written down is useful as I can see I would be flogging a dead horse! But yes, Twig, that's a good idea actually, I think I will get DH to say or read something himself - after all, she is HIS mum too.

I think I should make clear that dh isn't happy to be the one that isn't close to his mum; he gets quite hurt by their attitude to him and it has gone on all his life really, his sister is the favoured one basically. His mum even told me that "you're never so close to boys".

He's extremely loving with them but is very much kept at a distance, and it hurts me to see him hurt, which is why I was fussing about this party I guess.

Just wanted to explain really!

Well when my mil+fil were about to celebrate their silver wedding my dear sil also came up with this wonderful idea of a surprise party. She lives in London ( a long way from us and the rest of the family) so asked me to book things etc She sent me £50 towards this at the beginning and kept leaving messages about places she had rung and things she had organised and I kept paying deposits etc As it got closer noone else had stumped up any cash (dh is one of 7) and we had ended up paying for nearly everything. Her £50 covered the hire of the hall, but that was it. Because everything had been organised and dh is a wimp() we decided that I would have to do the catering myself as we couldn't afford to fork out any more as I was 4 months pg with dd. Anyway to cut a long story short it was to be fair a lovely party but when it came to the thankyous bil got up and said it was all down to sil
She rang the other day and said that maybe we should have a party for mil as she will be 50 in Feb so I said let us know what you arrange! She rang today and said that she needed £100 each from us all and I said that we wouldn't be contribruting as we were left about £250 out of pocket from the last party and she just put the phone down on me! Families who needs them!

caz at your sil!

you can't win really can you, with families.....tho I guess I'd rather have my problem than yours! At least I haven't had to do the hard work!

well I learned my lesson!

it would annoy me but so unlikely to happen in my DH's family (party? - sounds a bit too festive to me ) that I don't need to worry about it.
I think I would just let her get on with it TBH as it's probably not worth the hassle!