Oh lord, my relationship with my mum is so screwed up!

[colditz]

I have just walked home from my mum's house in tears, after she insisted I leave, saying that her and my younger brother have just walked in and she didn't want me there 'clattering about'. I was cleaning her squalid kitchen, because my 16 year old sister still lives there and nobody has cleaned anything since I did it two months ago. She has been away since FridaY and the house was uninhabitable, and I didn't want her to have to walk into such a messy house.

Sod it. I know I have said this before but this is it thgis time - I am not going to contact her. I don't know what to do so for the first time in my life I am going to do nothing.

You sound like a lovely person Colditz.

Nah, there is probably some weird psychological reason why I want everything to be nice for everyone.

I couldn't sleep last night, I know I need to leave well alone, but I don't know what will happen if I back right off. It is only recently I have realised just how bad things are getting there - like I visited twice in a month and saw the same dirt there both times.

Colditz, if you were from Ireland I swear I would have thought you were my best friend. She is the very same. Her mum was always depressed as she was growing up, so much so that she barely ever got out of bed so the house was a shit pit. My friend kinda took over the cleaning etc for the sake of her younger sister, said sister now doesn't talk to best friend and when BF visits her home place she has to clean, she said she couldn't take her sons in there as it is so dirty.. I feel for her as her mum so obviously doesn't want her help, or her company. I think she is still desperately seeking her mothers approval after all these years, but actually not realising that's what she's doing I'd leave well alone now, after all, your sister is aware that your door is open for her, she knows where you live and she knows she can call you whenever she wants to... you have done what you can for her. Your mother will realise some day what she's done to you

Colditz, just wanted to say you sound like a fab person, and to give you big hugs!!