Dealing with insecurity/ control issues

[kissinKateBarlow]

I am DH best friend and only friend now (his oldest and closest male friend killed himself last year and had been living in the states for 6 years before that).

I have friends and acquaintances and a very large family. DH has a good relationship with his parents but when there are problems he will of course share them with me even if he has been asked not to as he wants to talk to his wife when there is a problem. This is fine I am happy to be there for my dh.

Unfortunately he expects me not to talk to anyone else about issues he brings to me even when they effect the both of us. I do not gossip and I am selective about with whom and what I share. I think as I was brought up in a big and messy family that I am much more used sharing news and problems. While dh had a small family and a relative that caused horrible problems with malicious gossip in a tiny village - this left him with understandable trust issues. He trusts me utterly but doesn't trust many of my friends.

This I can empathise with but it can be very trying - DH gets to share with his best friend and I have to bottle it all up as I don't get the release that DH gets from sharing iyswim. Maybe I need to start a diary? I am not sure I am going to be able to change him without therapy but I need to explain my pov and am struggling with it.

how is that clear to you bad??? and how is she meant to feel entitled? odd interpretation.

It's clear because in her Op she says he shares this stuff with her even if they ask him not to. So it's obvious they don't want her to know for whatever reason

I think she does sound like she's entitled. In laws have made it clear they don't want her to know stuff. It's nothing important , it's unremarkable as she says. Instead of accepting that she feels resentful that she can't tell other people about it.. How is that not entitled ? Why would anyone feel resentful that they can't repeat stuff their spouse finds embarrassing ?

Thank you for your considered replies - I realise that my wording and vagueness about the 'issues' is making it difficult to properly assess this problem. If indeed it is a problem.

The discussion that prompted my OP was about me as much as the in laws and dh and it was stressful but I was expected not to talk to anyone about as dh had been asked not to tell - it really was a difficult situ and dh felt caught in the middle. I sympathise but he was able to unload a and i as I appear to be at a metaphorical 'the buck stops here' position - just had to receive and not transmit.

Of course we all do that for our partners - share confidences and secrets but I never say 'don't tell anyone' to dh when I am off loading as I trust his judgement. All I want is a more reciprocal arrangement. I don't want to tell Mandy in the playground my latest family gossip but I want to feel I can share my stress with my big sis without feeling guilty/ treacherous.

To clarify I would only discuss things that directly impact or effect me - I have a good relationship with in laws which we all value. I only feel entitled to talk about my family relationships in order to sort my own head out. I have no desire to discuss things that don't concern me.

You can see from this thread how frustrating it is to talk around an issue