Who 'wears the trousers' in your relationship?

[kentishgirl]

I was asked this by someone today and I think they were a bit baffled when I replied that we both do.

My ex wanted to be in charge; he thought I wanted to be in charge. I didn't, I just expected equality.

Is this still even a thing in this day and age? Who wears the trousers in your relationship? You? Partner/spouse? Both? Neither?

I'm much less drifty and La La Land than DH is, so I tend to be the organiser in a "right, today I think you should fix that fence while I cut the grass" sort of way - but big decisions we take together. Although obviously I'm right far more often than he is, and we both know it.

It depends what we are doing and who knows most about it. In general though I would say we are a team.

My family would say he does.

His family would say I do.

Reality: neither of us do. I also agree it's not a saying/state of mind that is very relevant in today's society. "Wearing the trousers" smacks to me of times long past, (and bad relationships).

Our families would say I do. In reality we work well together. Dh treats me as an equal (which my family see as him being "under the thumb" because they find it odd a man would just get on with looking after the kids, doing bedtime stories with them, changing nappies, etc.). Dh will take my side with his family so they see it as me making him say things to them.

I've had a few sexist remarks in the last week. One was an elderly (male) charity worker when I agreed to set up a direct debit donation. After rattling off my sort code and account number from memory he said 'if you were my wife I'd be worried'. Responded archly that it's my personal bank account, I'm no-one's wife and, if he still wanted the donation, he should keep his opinions to himself.

Another was only yesterday. Some idiot trying to tell me that when it's a female sales manager in charge of the account it can go horribly wrong when it's also a female buyer.. Having only ever had problems with male buyers I have no clue what he thought would happen. 'Bitch-slapping' perhaps?....

Ha ha, I definitely wear the trousers! My husband has a hard enough time keeping his vagina from falling out...

Both. We both do and are responsible for different things. Neither one is more in control.

I think we both do. Neither of us would make a decision involving the other without discussing it first and any compromise between us is pretty even. We both have different strengths (he'll find the bargains and I'll read the small print) so we work well as a team.

He does like to joke that he wears the trousers, and that I choose them and tell him what to wear them with, but we've both got bosses at work; we don't want them at home as well.

Oh wears the trousers but I pick which ones

Each of us tend to 'lead' in different areas.
For instance, I tend to organise our social calendar, he is responsible for the loft. Most other things are shared. As others have said, we're a team.

I find it an odd question. Having one partner wear the trousers surely means the other has given up responsibility, which isn't really what adults do

That said, as pps we each have areas of expertise where we have the final say - eg I SAHP and DH WOHPs so I tend to have the final say on child things; he understands money and tracks our finances closely, so he has final say over setting the budget and larger purchases such as the new car.

That isn't to say we don't take input from each other, just that it's sensible for the more knowledgeable and/or affected person to break the tie.

My gut reaction is that he does.

When i was with my XH it was me who did.

However - when it comes to defining exactly what this means day to day - i cant explain it

I had no choice but to be the trouser wearer in my first marriage (15 years) as he was as dynamic as a dead kipper happy to leave the burden of everything to me.

New DH is very involved in everything which involves him, me and the family and cares more about allot of stuff than i do! Complete reversal of what i'm used to and frankly it's a relief to hand over the reigns somewhat.

I wear my trousers, dh wears his. Neither are in charge. Neither would like to be in charge. No point in arguing over the mundane.

Neither.

We seem to control different 'areas' and argue for supremacy make joint decisions on important issues.

Everyone thinks I am, which I find a bit

We're fairly equal. I do a lot of the domestic organising which I resent sometimes because it's boring. But since I am sahp his career has dictated where we live, how much money we have etc... Most other decisions are equal.

I would hope that most relationships do have a split on decision making these days.

I don't think either of us do, we're usually a team. I stay at home with the DC while he works so I usually make day to day decisions re the children while he makes decisions about his company. A lot of things we run past each other, and all major decisions are mutual.

Probably me. Not because I'm a control freak but usually because dp is literally not arsed about anything and wouldn't get around to anything he is so laid back. He is happy to let me obviously.

That said, if he says no that's the final word on a subject so I guess in that respect we both do.

Huge decisions I tend to do all the research, present it to him with options, he goes away and has a think and comes back to me with points to discuss then we agree on a course of action.

I like lists.
He likes to sleep

Fairly equal - and all big decisions are joint. After 28 years we each know each others strengths and play to them. I am the organiser and in charge of the money - but neither of us would spend a large amount without discussion with the other. Dh in charge of cooking. And a damn fine cook he is too.

Neither of us, we're a team. We each have areas of expertise in which we defer to the other - mine are the kids, anything to do with cars and anything to do with IT, his are the garden, anything involving power tools and the details of holiday planning once we have decided on where to go and when.

Anything major gets discussed and decisions are then made jointly.

I wear my own trousers but I let DH think he wears THE trousers

Both.

But if a last word is ever required, it's mine.

We have areas of specialities where one is better than the other and so we delegate resoonsibility to strongest, rather than giving up powered such.

Ultimately we work on the '2 tick in the box' principle when there's debate. If we disagree then it doesn't happen.

Neither. We might fight like cat and dog discuss issues, but present a united front once the argument is won by either one of us decision is made.

I just asked my husband.

I said we both did.

He thinks I do

We both do*