Ex has new girlfriend...oh hell.

[Janos]

And, it's getting serious? What is the best way to handle things? We have a 21 month old DS and although I'm sure it sounds ridiculous I'm terrfied at the thought of him getting attached to someone else (that must sound daft).

Quick background - DS lives full time with his Dad (long story), although in reality we share his care 50/50.

Thing is, I've seen obvious signs that she's been staying over and I know it must sound ridiculous but I feel quite threatened and upset. Sort of invaded. does that make sense? Any advice from MNetters very greatfully received!

It would be the same if you had a serious partner and yes I completely understand how horrible you must feel about the whole thing.
I'd be feeling sick, insecure, terrified he'd prefer the girlfriend etc etc, all irrational because YOU are his mummy and not her, but completely understandable.
Your feelings are normal, can't offer any constructive advice though, just a bit of moral support x

Thanks hoolagirl, thing is I know it's irrational, isn't that daft?

Have you met her?

You might like her. That would make you feel better.

I haven't met her anorak...I'm sure she's a perfectly pleasant person, really. But I don't feel 'up' to meeting her yet. I know I will have to though..

i can understand completly how you must feel.

and just becasue your head tells you its silly doesn't stop your heart going to peices. you feel that they will be playing happy families with your son. it must be worse as you dont live with him.

As Anorak says look at it this way, if she is a lovely person then she can only do good for your son.

but don't try and not feel this way, its natural

However irrational it is, this will probably be one of the toughest things you'll need to deal with.
Don't think your being pushed out, she may only stay over when DS is not there at the moment, giving you time to adjust.
Sorry, still not very helpful !

She does stay over when DS is there, as XP has admitted it.

Thanks for your support tho everyone. I really have no argument with her, just my insensitive pig of an XP!

What I mean is, if she is sensible and kind, it will reassure you that your son is going to be cared for in the right way when she is present. That's what really matters, isn't it? Imagine if she was horrible, how worried you'd be. Surely meeting her is likely to put your mind at rest? And if you don't like her I'm sure you'll have your chance to tell your ex.

Perhaps I'm not explaining myself very well. It's just that I always feel it's the unknown factor that's the worry and once you've met her the sting will go out of it.

No, you're explaining yourself very well anorak, that makes sense. As long as she treats my DS well then I have no argument with her, like I said.

I'm trying to be mature and sensible about this, but it's so hard.

why not ask your X if you can take DS for a few days at yours.

offer it as time for hm and his new GF to be alone and time for you to reasure yourself that your ds loves and cares for you above pretty much anyone else.

your his mum and no matter who else comes or goes from his life you will always be number 1

Thats a great idea fattiemumma - as it happens we are having a weekend away together (me and DS I mean) which I am really looking forward to.