What The F**k!

[bamik]

Me & hub been going through a REALLY rough patch. Anyway tocut a long story short found LOADS of porn sites in our search history.

Confronted him and he said it's because I don't satisfy him. Sorry if there are any typo but I am in tears at the moment.

I don't know if any of U have experienced this but I am so cut at the moment. There was even like dating porn sites as well.

I am so Fg mD right now I could just take this Fg laptop and crack it in his face.

Yep have had the odd day where I was just tun ragged (DS is only 10 months old), but i thought we were fine. I mean I did notice over the past few months that he has been getting really adventerous but I just put it down to him using a bit of imagination. FFS how bloody dtupid am I.

I AM SO F***G STUPID

dont blame yourself for anything about that.
there are many men looking at porn sites, but registering to dating sites is unacceptable.
in my opinion you have to tell him stop all.
i have seen lots of threads about that in mn.
you can read and find out many women suffered that.

Think men feel left out when babies come along...sad but true!!
Has he actually registered with a dating site?
Heis only looking.
Try to calm down and when you have talk to him. Are things good in general?

I am going to disagree with the other replies I'm afraid. If your DH was having problems with your sex life, he should have sat you down and talked about it sensibily and as gently as possible. Personally I have no problem with men looking at porn, most of them do, however telling you that he does it because you don't satisfy him is just plain nasty and he said it specifically to hurt you.

If he has signed up to any of the "dating" sites, I would think seriously about what you want and need in this relationship and if he can offer it. Counselling for you or both maybe a good starting place to re-establish communication.

If my DH had ever said that to me, I am afraid he would no longer own a pair of testicles!

Sorry, re-reading I don't actually disagree with both replies, just the previous one to mine!

I don't think the porn is anything to worry about. Most men do it some degree.
The dating site is something I'd question though.

Bamik, give things a few hours to calm down, and talk to him again about it. Tell him how you feel, and give him a chance to explain himself a bit. He may well be feeling left out, and it really is quite possible that he was caught on the hop when you confronted him and became so defensive that the best way he could deal with it was to lash out.

Given a few hours to calm down, and a more laid back approach and he might be able to talk about htis sensibly with you.
If he still maintains and sticks by his original excuse, then he needs to know that you arent psychic - or superwoman!!!!!

I agree with Rocklover. He needs to address his own problems. Comparing real intimacies with commerical porn is only going to create a gulf of misunderstanding between you. Porn does not equal or even remotley resemble real sex in a long term relationship with a 10 month old baby. He really needs to get his priorites sorted. And I thknk he's also near to becoming addicted to the porn, if he isn't already. Get rid of broadband if you have it maybe. And both of you get to the doctor and talk.

Agree with VVV. It feels like a betrayal because you didn't know what was going on and you thought things were fine - but you need to sit down and talk and open up lines of communication between you. Give him a chance and also make sure he hears your side and how hurt you feel. Also IMO it's totally unfair and OTT for monkeytrousers to say he is 'near to becoming addicted' - there is no evidence for this at all. Lots of men look at a lot of porn without being addicted.

And you're not stupid - you're busy and you have lots of demands on you, which he needs to recognise.

Thanks ladies. We did talk things through and he said it was a stupid bit of temptation that he fell into. He got clicking on the mouse and couldn't stop. He said he didn't mean what he said about being unsatisfied. He was really embarrased and that was the only thing he could think of to say (yeah whatever).

He isn't signed up with the dating site and said that it was one of the pop ups.

The only thing that saved him was the fact that he is new to surfing the web and basically when he was getting all the pop ups he was getting a bit lost, paniced and just started clicking on everything (whilst having a good look at the same time .

So this morning - I showed him how to search and where to click.

But did almost kill him the other night though

i have found porn on our history a few times. the porn itself doesnt bother me as i know most blokes do it.

what really upset me was when i found out he had just been watching girls flaunting themselves on their own
it was like he was lusting for them and having thoughts about them

we used to have a really good sex life before i got pregnant - then he just seemed disinterested
i put it down to the pregnancy but 12 weeks after giving birth, there is still no interest from him

he knows it upsets me - i have explained its not the actual sex (can take it or leave it) its the closeness and feeling wanted!
i just feel he mustnt find me attractive anymore

i know he still looks at the porn sites but now knows how to delete them from the history...

I've put parental controls on it now to avoid any accidents! Thats'll teach him

bamik
Child locks lol good on you.. As like you my DP is new to the web and does be looking up sites aswell i really think its a male thing.. They get fed up of that in time and relise that the real deal is better..

Searching or accidentally enticed into it all? It does make a difference.

If you got sent an email from Mr Gorgeous .. romantic, hansome, clever ? in love with you ? saw you from afar at a ?works do? ? you might start to wonder. You would be very defensive about it. It would be tapping into the romantic urges of a woman, particularly after pregnancy, labour, newborns etc?

The sex thing must be the same for men. They are being terribly tempted these days. It is everywhere, the objectification of us women. A backlash against feminism? Insecurity? Who knows. And it is coming closer to home all the time with webcams. I am not excusing it. But the guilt makes them terribly aggressive. Also, I wonder whether men view the new babies as an intrusion. A bit of a threesome ? well, I?ll have that too!!

It can escalate. Addiction is a real possibility. It will ruin your relationship in the end. Use your instinct. Accept no lies. If you feel the lack of intimacy which comes with it, and insulting blaming of you as an aggressive defence - don?t ignore it. Don?t be paranoid about it either, though. None of it is YOUR FAULT AT ALL.

I hope you have sorted it out. It is so important that you nip it in the bud. If it goes too far it might ruin your love forever. But, you still might stay together because of the other kind of love that you will have between you, and the children. You will be up and down with happiness and unhappiness like a yoyo. It is not pleasant at all!!