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Original poster

eyes open during sex?

28 replies

galaxy81 · 06/05/2014 23:13

I was watching a TV programme the other day and the characters were talking about the importance of lovers keeping their eyes on eachother during sex. I suddenly thought, "oh crap"...I NEVER do this. I've been with my partner for 3 years. I figured we had an ok sex life...he's never complained but then again he's not the complaining type and he's not very open about sex in general. If I ever ask him if he wants something different or if he'd like to try anything new he says he's happy as things are. Our sex life isn't exactly hot-blooded passion but its...reliable...I always orgasm...but we're not ripping eachothers clothes off. Now I've got to thinking: is it weird that I keep my eyes closed? Of course I find my partner handsome and sexy but, I've got to be honest, during sex I'm lost in my own fantasies. So I tried to keep my eyes open last night, and it just felt weird! I definitely couldn't orgasm like that. I left them open for a few seconds but that was it. Anyone else have this problem?

OP posts:

gamerchick · 06/05/2014 23:18

It's not a problem.. there is no one size fits all. Do it how you enjoy doing it.

Trillions · 06/05/2014 23:25

Not a problem if your partner doesn't mind. I'd find it a bit rude/weird though - I like to see the other person and make eye contact!

IWillIfHeWill · 06/05/2014 23:29

It really has to be up to you and him!

But until I read your post I didn't know that people had sex with their eyes closed. Admittedly, I've been out of the game for a long time. Have things changed?

VeryStressedMum · 06/05/2014 23:46

I don't really keep my eyes open. If he's not looking at me then I'd be looking at the ceiling/wall/pillow, and if he was looking at me we'd be staring at each other intensely in to each other's eyes which would either make me laugh or freak me out...May be I'm weird but I don't need to look into his eyes the whole time to feel connected and intimate.

Eekaman · 07/05/2014 00:48

My god - people having their eyes open during sex!

What will they think of next, perhaps people might even talk to one another.

stolemyusername · 07/05/2014 01:26

I always keep my eyes open during sex, I might drop off if I didn't

Seriously, if things are working for you then I don't think it's a problem. You must open your eyes, or move or do something that generally signals you're still awake surely

Bogeyface · 07/05/2014 01:28

H and I tried deep and meaningful eyes open sex once after we read something about looking into each others eyes as you orgasm. It was a fucking disaster, we both got the giggles and neither of us could manage an orgasm after that.

So of course, now we cant because we remember that and get the giggles again!

We did have eye contact moments before that, but now we really just cant, which I suppose is bonding in a way as we giggle, go off the boil and start again!

oikopolis · 07/05/2014 03:09

I read somewhere once that when the visual cortex is stimulated (i.e., when you are looking at things), your body produces less oxytocin (love/sex/bonding/cuddling hormone).

Oxytocin also stimulates labour... being in a dark room with little visual stimulus is a well-known help for labour. Related, one tends to go into labour and/or have major progressions in labour in the middle of the night. I remember when my waters broke early with DS, I would consistently have contractions when they turned the light off in my room, but they'd stop as soon as a nurse came in and switched on the light.

I can almost guarantee you that you felt weird with your eyes open because your visual cortex was being stimulated by what you could see, so you were producing less oxytocin, leading to you feeling alienated and odd during lovemaking.

It's quite normal to close your eyes! I think most people do.

kentishgirl · 07/05/2014 07:54

I think most people keep their eyes open, surely? I doubt there's been a survey done on it mind.

Whatever works for both of you is good and who cares what anyone else does?

I would like to clear up one little misunderstanding here. Eyes open does not equal staring lovingly into each others eyes all the time like something out of a bad Mills & Boon novel. My OH has a lot more gorgeous body to enjoy looking at other than his eyeballs!

My ex was an eyes shut man, and it used to make me feel like crap. He had a few hangups about sex and it always made me feel a bit funny about it, and that maybe he thought I was too disgusting to look at (I was overweight).

I don't get the lost in fantasies bit. If you are fantasising about someone else, no thanks. If you are fantasising about doing something with me, stop fantasising and just do it for real!

Chaseface · 07/05/2014 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DownstairsMixUp · 07/05/2014 08:31

Mine are closed most of the time, especially when finishing, I think I probably look hideous when I finish so don't want to see my DP's reaction ha! I haven't noticed if his eyes are open or closed actually so mine must be closed a lot of the time.

CabinetSauvinyoni · 07/05/2014 11:41

It depends where I am...if he's on top mine tend to be closed, if I am then I keep them open (as much as possible). I find it uncomfortable to keep them open, but it's a physical thing, not an emotional one. If I'm lying down I just feel like I'm straining to keep them open and end up going all bug eyed (not the most attractive look in the world).

I do try and make sure they're open at times though, I love eye contact with DP, but it has to be very intermittent to avoid big, blotchy, bug itchy eyes. I just fix the problem with lots of kissing. After all, it would be rude to keep them open when we're kissing!

Jan45 · 07/05/2014 11:53

Nothing better than keeping that stare on each other.

blueshoes · 07/05/2014 12:09

I don't look into my dh's eyes during sex anymore than I would when I were kissing him. In other words, not anything other than in a fleeting way.

Anything more would seriously weird me and him out.

I totally get the feeling of alienation and dislocation which oik referred to further down if my eyes were open. Sex is all about savouring the sensations generated in your body and with touch. Eyes just get in the way.

kentishgirl · 07/05/2014 13:09

So interesting how different people get different input from their eyes.

Seeing what is happening is a big turn on for me.

Jan45 · 07/05/2014 13:19

Looking into each other's eyes is what makes it more exciting for me, esp in missionary position, it's a real turn on.

tiawalters · 07/05/2014 13:55

I think it's a combination of both closing your eyes at times and opening them. I can't picture someone with their eyes open all the time during sex or closed all the time.

ThatBloodyWoman · 07/05/2014 13:57

I can't see the tv over his shoulder with my eyes shut

ErnestShufflebottom · 07/05/2014 14:06

On a similar note, do you chat during sex??!!

Jan45 · 07/05/2014 15:16

Haha, get your heed out my way, I can't see Corrie.

Yes eyes shut at times of course, not bloody rabbit eyes the whole time!

And, no, I don't go in for big chats.

ThatBloodyWoman · 07/05/2014 15:25

I don't chat, but something we need when he goes shopping might spring to mind so I tell him while I'm thinking of it.

HellonHeels · 07/05/2014 15:31

I can't see the tv over his shoulder with my eyes shut

Ha ha ha ha ha!

LineRunner · 07/05/2014 15:31

This is assuming missionary PIV, though, isn't it?

MostWicked · 07/05/2014 15:32

I definitely keep my eyes open. I love to see what's going on, I love to watch, I find it a real turn on. He keeps his eyes open too.
We don't spend the whole time staring into each other's eyes though - that would be very intense!

JaceyBee · 07/05/2014 16:10

Eyes mostly open I think. And I love a bit of dirty talk. Takes things to the next level! I assume you weren't meaning a nice chit chat about the weather or whatever?!

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