I've just used dd to get at exdp

[Patheticpercy]

I've NC because I'm embarrassed and expecting a flaming. All because he changed his facebook statues to single.

I've behaved pathetic and wretched. I told him he couldn't see her unless he went through court.

He fucked off a couple of weeks ago leaving me in a huge pile of shit and I now have to find some where else to live as we can't afford this place.

Dd has been really poorly with DV and had to go in hospital. I was a SAHM so had to to go beg for some work at my old place after they shafted me over a grand. Have been panicking about a new home for dd. Couldn't afford hardly a thing for her birthday . I burst out crying at the till is primark as every thing is getting on top. Dd can't keep nothing down and wants to be held all day. He has just walked away as cool as a cucumber. Not an ounce of remorse.

I logged on tonight and seen his new relationship statues - why didn't he just have the bollocks and block me.

I feel pathetic , I know I'm pathetic . I did it because it was the only way to hurt him. He know that too. Said I was bring bitter and he can't help not wanting to be with me. It was never going to be easy - apparently .

I would never actually go through with it.

How the fuck can I gain some self respect back.

Nobody?? Gah

Oh dear. Not great OP but sounds like you are under a lot of pressure.

Make a resolution right now not to have any contact with him except to discuss practicalities via email. Do not reply to any message immediately, give yourself time to calm down if upset. Stick to facts, pick up times etc only.

Unfriend him on FB. You don't need a constant reminder of his new life while trying to connect with people in your life.

Make a plan of how to sort your ccurrent situation re housing, money etc. There will be a way to get yourself sorted.

Concentrate on getting dd better. It is hard work looking after a sick kid on your own.

Find someone (even just MN Lone Parent section, there is a support thread running currently) to offload your worries and rants about ex to. Best to get it off your chest or the danger is you will stew and stew and then explode.

I can see this isn't the main point, but why did you have to beg for a job from somewhere that had previously treated you badly?

On the main point why don't you ring your ex, apologise for being vindictive, explain you don't mean it, and arrange access?

Thanks nota I'll take a look.

viva long story and another thread. If I want to go back to my old job/career it was the only place to go which was accessible to me.

I've been doing my up most best to be civil. I was cordial at the hospital when he shown up! even though I wanted to punch him in the face.

I just havnt got it in me tonight to say sorry to that bastard.

First of all - stop kicking the s* out of yourself because you are not perfect and you are not pathetic and nobody is going to 'flame' you unless they truly are an arse themselves. You've had a huge shock and now have to change your entire life. And manage a myriad of shit including emotions. You didn't do so well at that tonight. That's all. That's it. Not pathetic at all - just human.
Take a breathe - focus on lovely dd. Try drawing up a list of things that you do need to talk to ex about and sticking to that?
So sorry you are going through this - put away the stick though and stop beating yourself up.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Most people have had bad moments when feeling really hard done by - I know I have - and have acted bitterly. You can always email him and say your last communication was too hasty and of course you should have a constructive conversation about access. (Keep it formal, in language and in how you communicate - the suggestion of email by NotADragonsEgg is good.)

That doesn't mean you have to let him away with murder in terms of finances. You sound really broke - what is he doing to pay towards his DC? If he has just walked out and removed the financial support you use to have, he should at least make sure his DD doesn't lose out in the meantime.

Thanks for replying.

Dp paid for all the bills but they were in my name. I got a text saying he would give me £250 a month CS. He seemed to be happy with that. But I did a CS calculator thing and he should give me a lot more as he has a good wage.

It's not just that, it the total lack of responsibility. He has walked away shrugging off all the rest of the bills. Gas, electric, telephone , tv ect... I know he shouldnt have to pay that if he is not here, but I'm left scrabbling about trying to work out where the fuck I'm going to get the rest of money.

The house however is in his name so I'm just going to stay here till I get sorted. It's too much at the moment to deal with.

Thanks

if you are who I think you are you are the poster that's EX(DP) just walked out on leaving you and DD having to find a new home without any financial help? If I'm right you need support and advice on how to address your current housing issue, you can deal with your ex at a later date.

Yes that's me (I think)

Hugs. You're going through such alot, all at once. It's okay to freak out, to rant and vent, BUT, don't be hard ON yourself. You're doing the best you can, focus on one day at a time and both dd and your own health and wellbeing.

Financial stuff you need advice on quickly, benefits, child support etc. CAB maybe?

Keep communication businesslike with ex. Lots of people say things in the early days out of hurt and pain, don't punish yourself, it ain't that bad. But seriously, he has alot of explaining/apologising to do to you as well, leaving you without sufficient money. Ideally, you both have to bring something positive to the table in a civil manner for the sake of dd. Hopefully hostilities will be as brief as possible.

And seriously there's no greater revenge on a partner that has shafted you, than getting your shit together, showing them how fabulous you are, how much better/happier you are without them... and having them wonder why they left and knowing you'd never take them back.... So there's better days ahead. Trust me. :)

your not pathetic by a long short (bad name you gave yourself). Do not concern yourself with him he's not worth it. Access can always be dealt with another time, dealing with those bills and getting a home for you and DD is a priority. Put him out of your mind for now and start working on a plan that works for you.
I am so not the person to be offering guidance here but I guess the place to start is CAB and your local council to start gathering information on housing options. I really hope that someone with more knowledge gives you some better ideas to work with, but please in the meantime do not waste your precious emotional energy on him keep it for yourself and DD.

Thank you x