Constant, relentless misery

[Gwladgwlad]

Nothing makes my DP happy and I have reached the point where I don't know what to do. Our house has become a place of relentless shouting and I am really scared of the effect its having on the kids- to the point where I feel I am not being a good mum by not protecting them from the shouting.
DP is angry all the time, has no patience, swears and shouts and there is just no peace in the house ever. I was raised in an unhappy household & lots of my childhood memories are of rows. I have a DS 6 and a DD 2 and I can see its affecting them- DS is emotional a lot.
I hate it- i feel trapped by his misery & don't know what to do. We have been together 15 yrs and I realise now that since we have had kids, a lot if my energy goes on making sure DP doesnt over-react. I have endlessly tried talking but its reached the point where he can't even hold a conversation. I dont want my kids to think that this is how normal adults behave. I just want some mental peace for me & my kids. We have fun when DP isnt there and I feel like I can breathe again. DP says its his job making him stressed but I feel like he can't control his anger around us.
Don't know what to do!

Please don't live like this.

My father has calmed down now, but he was exactly as you describe in your op.

Get out.

He never physically harmed anyone, and never would have. But I ( and his other two children) are irreparably damaged emotionally. I BEGGED my mum to divorce him from the age of 10 and wanted to leave because the constant misery in the house made me feel ill.

I loved my dad but I can't help feel I could have been a much better person had we not had to live with him. After having my own daughter, to my horror I began to act like him. I need therapy and am trying to keep it under control.

Ironically he is a fantastic granddad ( far far better than I expected) but the damage is done.

He has shrugged his shoulders hasn't he?

He doesn't care.

You only have one life, so do your DC's. Live it well. That means without this bloke in your home.

When I posted before I thought your H might be a time bomb waiting to go off. I am glad you summoned up the courage to broach this with him, maybe he is mulling it over. How will you react if he tells you tonight or by the weekend he is prepared to see someone professional about his temper? I can quite see you feel exhausted already. It will take every ounce of willpower but please don't sit back now and wait for him to move. Please keep looking forward.

i think you do know what to do.

you've reached the end of your willingness to put up with it and subject your children to it. so you need to express that in clear terms.

then it's up to him whether he does/can/is willing to change.

either way you've had enough so i'd suggest you tell him this is unbearable and it's unacceptable and i don't want the kids exposed to it so you need to go stay elsewhere and work out what you want to/can/are willing to do about it and we'll take it from there but we're not doing this anymore. this stage of us putting up with you taking your temper out on us and making all of our lives hell is over.

how he responds to that and what he does in response will tell you everything you need to know.

you are well within your rights and within your duty as a mother to say enough is enough and tell him to go and work it out and to know it is NOT your responsibility to sort it out - only to put the clear square facts in his court and leave it up to him how he responds.